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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408620">hath made thee a sinner</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dehydratedpool/pseuds/dehydratedpool'>dehydratedpool</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst and Feels, Biblical Themes (Abrahamic Religions), Bottom Louis Tomlinson (implied), Drug Use, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Physical Abuse, Religious Discussion, Underage Drinking, dramatic behavior, i am my own beta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:08:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>50,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dehydratedpool/pseuds/dehydratedpool</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But nothing, nothing would ever top the first time they laid together, cozy in Louis’ fluffy bed, inexperienced hands trailing up each other’s sides, not knowing how to please the other, eyes blown out in lust and eternal affection for one another, the way Harry’s hands slipped underneath his waistband, feeling, tender in their exploration. Soft murmurs, impatient longing, trepidation in their sounds, wet lips dragging down throats and skin smacked against flushed skin, immense pleasure radiated in their veins, a throaty whine, a satisfying finish. Nothing could compare, would ever compare.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. WHO WE ARE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>WOW. So, here it is, my life's work, my entire soul put into words (kidding, but seriously) Thank you to anyone who hyped me up while struggling to write this, and thank you to the hoobies gc for letting me vent and rant and blah about this fic &lt;3 ily all very much, you all deserve the world and more. Also wanna give a shout out to the Bible real quick for providing the verses that were used. All credit goes to the white men who translated it into English.</p><p>This fic is a rendition of my coming out story, how I've struggled with accepting that I'm gay while simultaneously battling against what Christianity tells me is right and wrong. I wanted to tell my story in a dramatic, deep way, or else this would come out a lot worse than it did (I worked on this bitch for seven months so let's hope it came out alright). About 55% of the events and characters refer to real things in my life. One character may represent an emotion or a part of myself, while another may be complete fiction. See, this is what makes being a writer fun; I have the ability to contort and control a story, including my own, in whatever way I see fit. I chose for Louis and Harry to represent two different sides of who I am, to better complete the story.</p><p>I needed to get this story out of my system. A lot of what you may see as miniscule details and scenes actually happened to me. I've put my raw pain into what is essentially a fanfic-autobiography. I could have written this as a regular story, sure, but this story wouldn't be complete without a little bit of louis&amp;harry, for they are the ones who helped me learn to love and accept myself.</p><p>Important Thingies:<br/>1. Hamper, TX is not a real place (that I know of) but it is loosely based on where I grew up.<br/>2. I didn't think smut was a necessary element to this particular story. I hope you don't mind :( (however there are some scenes where smut is implied, so have fun with that I guess)<br/>3. This is a work of fiction, even though it is based on my personal experience. Harry and Louis are not original characters.<br/>4. TRIGGER WARNING: There is physical/verbal abuse between a parent and a child. There is also a graphic scene that comes from it. Please don't force yourself to read something that'll end up hurting you in the end.</p><p>If there are any tags you believe I should add or anything else you'd like me to add in the notes, PLEASE let me know on<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/vellichorthing">twitter</a> or <a href="https://vellichorthing.tumblr.com">tumblr</a></p><p>Thank you so so so much for giving this fic, my story, a chance. I hope you enjoy it x<br/>- zri &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hamper, Texas was a typical small town, its roots deep in religion and tradition. It sat on the side of Rushworth Lake, where the water flowed gently during the spring and lightly iced over during the winter, which is barely present in Texas as is.</p><p>The sky was always filled with singing birds, the ground swallowed with the 936 people that inhabited the township. The landscape was boring; there were no rolling hills or great mountains, but simply plains filled with the brightest flowers Harry had ever seen.</p><p>He laid in the tall grass; flowers clenched in his hand. He was singing a soft tune, “Little town, every day like the one before. Little town full of little people …”</p><p>Smacked in the middle was the glorious white church, people filing in one by one every Sunday morning to hear Harry’s father, Pastor Thomas, give his weekly sermon. On stage, Harry would stand with the other choir members, trying not to laugh as the delinquent Louis made funny faces in the crowd next to his overbearing father, whose eyebrows were permanently furrowed in vexation.</p><p>Right around the corner, Harry’s humble home stood, a traditional white picket fence in the yard, with old vines running up the side of the blue home. Harry thought the color matched Louis’ eyes. He loved the color. It was his favorite.</p><p>A couple houses down and a quick right turn was Louis’ home, a tan modest house with a metal fence and some old bikes laying around in the yard. The gate had a lock on it. Only house members had the key. Louis had secretly given Harry one, but he never came over without asking first anyway.</p><p>Harry was like that; a goody-two shoes, as Louis put it. He never got bad grades, was teacher’s pet in high school, never tried drugs, and never disobeyed his father’s wishes. Well, except when he would kiss Louis behind the old mechanic shop on Hamper Drive.</p><p>Inside his house, Louis felt the welp of his father’s hand on his cheek begin to swell.</p><p>“How many times do I have to tell you, son? Keep your drugs out of this house!” his father raged. Louis had two options; he could hit his father back (which would only have him thrown on the street), or go find Harry at the church, where he always was on Wednesday afternoons.</p><p>Louis decided the latter was a better option.</p><p>Louis walked outside of the house, his hand rubbing his red cheek as he unlocked his green four-door Ford F-150, struggling to start the damn thing. When the truck finally came to life, he backed out of the driveway, whistling a tune, “Little town full of little people…” He slipped a cigarette in his mouth, lighting it as he sped down the road, dodging little kids playing in the street with their razor scooters and Nerf guns, the bullets flying over his truck and at his window. Louis only chuckled as a kid cried, “I got one!”</p><p>It was a game Genesis, Harry and he used to play as children. When a car would pass down the street, they would aim their Nerf guns at car windows and try to shoot as many bullets as they could before the car passed. Genny always won. Harry never hit a single car.</p><p>In about five minutes Louis found himself in the church parking lot, the biggest parking lot in the town, bigger than the Walmart across the street. He stepped out of the vehicle, throwing the cigarette butt on the ground, and smashing it with the toe of his shoe before entering the back door.</p><p>He made his way to the main room, where a curly-haired boy sat in the front row, his head ducked down in prayer, his hands clasped together. Louis could hear his little whispers, “Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle them the fire of your love.”</p><p>Louis bent his knees, sitting in front of a focused Harry. He softly tapped his shoulder, startling Harry.</p><p>“Oh, you scared me,” he grazed the mark on Louis’ face with his knuckles, “Oh, darling, your cheek.”</p><p>“Dad’s got it in for me,” Louis chuckled, bringing Harry’s hand into his own. Harry frowned.</p><p>“You didn’t hit him back, did you?”</p><p>“No, I came straight to you, lover,” Louis placed a swift kiss on Harry’s ear, who giggled quietly while shushing his loud voice, “I only listen to you.”</p><p>“And God,” Harry quoted, “’Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right’, Ephesians 6:1.”</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes, “You’re such a nerd. You’re the only one I know who has random verses memorized.”</p><p>“I do not,” Harry huffed, “And that one’s not random. Everyone knows it.”</p><p>“I didn’t,” Louis brought the back of Harry’s cool hand to his cheek. Harry shook his head, “That’s a well-known one. You don’t pay attention, do you?”</p><p>“Never. Well … only to you,” Louis pressed a kiss near Harry’s ear, whispering, “’Do everything in love.’”</p><p>Harry shuddered from the hot breath on his ear, “1 Corinthians 13:2.’”</p><p>He smiled at Harry, his nerdy little boyfriend. He says little, but Harry is <em>technically</em> one inch taller than him. He was only growing taller, while Louis stayed in place. It didn’t bother Louis, nope, not at all.</p><p>Louis pulled Harry up by both arms, “Let’s go do something, I’m incredibly bored. Save me from my boredom.”</p><p>Louis began to shout in a boisterously exaggerated Joel Osteen voice, “O Lord, this boredom eats me up alive! Save me from my doom—”</p><p>Harry shoved his hands against Louis’ mouth, muffling his yells. His smile was bright and beaming, his pink lips stretched wide across his face. Louis licked the palm of his hand, Harry quickly removing it, “You’re gross.”</p><p>“You love it,” Louis grinned, winking while grabbing Harry’s hand, tugging him towards the entrance to the room, his shoulder bag bouncing against his leg, “Come along, sunshine.”</p><p>“I haven’t finished my prayers,” Harry stumbled out of the entryway, trying to keep up with Louis’ quick steps. Louis turned around, pulling Harry by the waist to keep him close. He had memorized where the cameras were. They were out of sight.</p><p>“You can pray on the way to the park,” Louis pressed a small kiss to Harry’s nose, a blush creeping up onto the boy’s cheeks, Harry retorting, “Yes, in your car, with the mysterious stain in the back seat.”</p><p>“Such language!” Louis gasped dramatically, “Thomas, did you hear that? Your boy isn’t as innocent as he seems.”</p><p>Harry chuckled as Louis grabbed onto his hips, pressing a soft kiss onto his lips. He felt the rush of adrenaline glide through his veins, his heart thumping within his chest cavity. He loved kissing Harry; not only did he feel dangerous when he did—anyone could sneak up on them, see the sins they laid against each other—but the way Harry would press his mouth to his so passionately, how he could part his lips halfway through, lips touching, opening his eyes to stare for just a moment, to see if he was dreaming before tilting his head and cupping the back of Louis’ head, tugging lightly at the sweaty strands of hair.</p><p>“Let’s go back to your place,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ lips, who nodded slightly before finishing the kiss with a lick of his lips as he looked at Harry’s bruised ones.</p><p>“And do what?” Louis smirked as Harry slapped his shoulder jokingly, “Just kiss … and I need to study for my bio exam.”</p><p>“Studying <em>and</em> kissing? I’ve become such a bad influence on you,” Louis winked as he tugged at Harry’s wrist again, Harry laughing as they made their way to the truck.</p><p>When they got in, it took a few moments for Louis to start the car before the engine revved on. He backed out of the parking spot with ease, zooming to the front of the building and turning onto Hamper Drive. Harry wobbled left and right on his bottom as Louis made the sharp turn, his eyebrows furrowed in fake annoyance towards the smirking boy.</p><p>Louis had learned how to drive with his knee and one hand on the wheel quickly; Harry always wanted to hold his hand, touch him whenever they were alone, feel his skin against his own. As Louis drove, he rubbed his thumb against Harry’s knuckles, soothing his poor boyfriend’s constant yearning. It really was a problem.</p><p>He pulled into his driveway minutes later, parking the car with a screechy stop. He needed to fix his breaks soon.</p><p>They walked into the house; the air disagreeable as Louis’ father approached the two. Their hands fell to their sides in the same quickness a hand touching a hot flame would.</p><p>“Hello Harry,” Louis’ father greeted him with a tight-lipped smile, “Louis.”</p><p>“Hey dad. Harry’s gonna study here, is that cool?” Louis asked as they made their way upstairs. His father only grunted, his unusual way of saying “yes”.</p><p>When they got to his bedroom, Harry shut the door quietly behind him. Before he could say a word, Louis had taken off his shirt and began to take off Harry’s.</p><p>“I usually study with a shirt on,” Harry noted as he raised his arms, letting Louis remove the clothing from his body. Louis peppered kisses down his torso, to his stomach, as Harry splayed against the wall, a grin plastered to his lips, his eyes closed, his palms flat against the bumpy paint.</p><p>When he made it to the button on his jeans, Harry stopped him gently, holding his shoulders lightly as Louis looked up at him. His eyes were longing, adoration and lust present in his ocean eyes.</p><p>“Not now, please, Lou,” Harry asked, his voice soft. Louis nodded, immediately stepping away from him, the lust in his eyes gone, “Okay.”</p><p>“But … we can still cuddle, if you want?” Harry suggested, pulling himself to Louis and turning around, falling backward onto the daffodil-colored bed, wrapping his legs around Louis’ tiny waist. As Louis nuzzled into Harry’s neck, he stared at the ceiling above him. His expression was solemn, lips pressing against his tame pulse.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Saturday afternoon, Louis was working his job as an apprentice mechanic at Jerry’s Tires &amp; More. Louis had fought hard to earn the job; he promised Jerry he wouldn’t smoke or start any fights with any customers or co-workers, at least while on the property. It was difficult for Louis to follow; every now and then, one of his co-workers would say something unequivocally absurd or make a simple mistake with a rigging on a tire, and Louis’ urge to sock them in the stomach was greater than ever. However, he kept his cool not because he needed the job, or because of the beating his father would most likely ensue upon him; but for Harry.</p><p>Almost everything he did was for his boy. Whenever he felt like skipping church on Sundays, he would remember that Harry would be singing, just for him. His green, striking eyes would shine, his voice raining down from the heavens, blessing his entire existence with a single song.</p><p>A bit dramatic, but true, nonetheless.</p><p>Whenever Louis felt the urge to hit his father back, in the same way he degraded him, he would think of Harry and his cherubic face, his kisses to his bruises and cuts, how he would hold him close and express his love and pride. Whenever Louis felt like giving up everything, he knew Harry would be there to calm his nerves, soothe his thoughts, be with him always, holding on to what they had.</p><p>“Get to workin’, boy!” Jerry called from inside his office, staring at Louis from the window, hands on his hips. Louis wiped the black grease off his brow as he made his way to a blue Mazda, whose battery needed replacing. A simple task, but one that bored him.</p><p>Although Louis, beyond doubt, loved his job, he felt a sense of monotony. Every day, work was the same; Jerry would yell orders from his pretentious office, one of his old, crabby co-workers would complain about the children of today, and an angry customer would complain about the prices of repairs although he had no say in anything, as it wasn’t his store.</p><p>And yet, at the end of every shift, Harry would be there, his arms wide open, ready to hear a story or two from Louis’ day (if he happened to remember anything). It was the best part of every workday.</p><p>During his last thirty minutes of his shift, Genesis visited him.</p><p>“Hey, Genny! What’s up?” Louis greeted his childhood friend with a “bro hug” as Genesis called it.</p><p>Genny was an unusual sight in Hamper, Texas. She belonged to the only Latina family in town, with strict Bible thumping parents who attended church at any chance they got. She herself was not as religious, and as an only child with constant working parents, her only friends were Harry and Louis. Louis and she were inseparable whenever her mom would drop her off at his place for the day, playing and laughing and eating all the food in the pantry, to his stepmother and his little sister Laura’s dismay. Louis would let her paint his nails (no matter how many times he protested against it, Genny always got her way, “Harry never complains, why do you?”) and Genesis would let him play <em>The Sims</em> whenever he felt the want, watching as he would create them and Harry in their perfect little world, away from the prying eyes of their parents and community.</p><p>Genny leaned against the side of the car he was working on, a hand on her popped-out hip, “Nothing much. Just wanted to check on you, how’s it been?”</p><p>“Eh, same old shit but a different day,” Louis shrugged, wiping at his sweaty forehead, “It’s hotter than the Devil’s ass out here.”</p><p>Genesis cackled, “Hanging around our little church boy again?”</p><p>“’Our’? He’s mine alone and you know it,” Louis scoffed as he sat up, installing the battery inside the hood of the vehicle, “There, finally done.”</p><p>“I’m sure Ms. Harper will be pleased,” Genesis pushed herself off the wall, “Haven’t seen Harry in a while.”</p><p>“He’s always busy, it’s either school or church … or both?” Louis chuckled, throwing a towel onto his shoulder as he shook his head, “He’s … he’s great. He’s excited for this Sunday’s sermon; says he’s singing one of his favorite’s.”</p><p>Genesis leaned back against another car, a happy sigh escaping her lips. She remembered the day Louis and Harry had sat her down on Harry’s yellow comforter clad twin-sized bed he still had from his early childhood.</p><p>They had both been so nervous, their hands shaking as they intertwined their fingers together. Louis was the one to explain everything; how one day he had noticed a different light in Harry’s eyes when they would talk at school, or when he accidentally opened Harry’s laptop to find he had googled naked men and swiftly slammed the computer closed, and Louis had acted like he hadn’t seen anything (which, while revealing this story aloud, Harry blushed brighter than a freshly picked peach). Or when Harry abruptly kissed him after practically serenading him as the lead in the Sunday morning choir at the end of the service, how Louis’ eyes shot right open in fear but sudden understanding; how he was gay, but more importantly (in his opinion), how he was in love with Harry.</p><p>And Genesis was there to wipe Harry’s terrified tears, hold his shoulders and tell them both that she loved them “oh so much,” that she’d never lose them as a friend. She asked a couple questions, like when did Harry know, who was their childhood celebrity crush, things like that. She never once made it uncomfortable, never once asked something wrong or inappropriate, and has yet to do so.</p><p>She was a lovely friend, by far.</p><p>“I’m surprised you’re not up there on stage with him, singing your little hearts out,” Genesis noted, glancing over at an imaginary stage “You’d be a fantastic addition to the choir.”</p><p>“You know the church isn’t my thing,” Louis sighed, having to repeat the same conversation with her, as he had several times before, “If I ever did perform in front of people, it wouldn’t be in front of stuck-up oldies.”</p><p>“I know … but … Harry would love it?” she attempted to change his mind. She knew his weaknesses.</p><p>“Genny, you think I don’t play in front of him already? He knows all the songs I’ve written for him, probably had them memorized the second I played one for the first time,” Louis moved to the computer to clock out, “Please … drop it.”</p><p>“Fine,” she swiftly changed the conversation, “Wanna explain that bruise on your face?”</p><p>Louis paused, placing two fingers onto his cheek, feeling the small ache spread around the surrounding area as he pressed, “My dad.”</p><p>“Ah,” Genny went silent. She bit her lip, “I figured.”</p><p>“Yeah …” Louis clicked a few keys before hearing a “ding!” from the speakers. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the underside of the counter, pulling one out and placing it between his lips.</p><p>Genny reached over and pulled him into a comforting hug. As she did so, she slipped a tightly rolled joint in his baggy pocket, “for later,” she whispered with a wink as Louis shoved her off, snorting in response.</p><p>Later that night, an awkward dinner occurred (not unusual in his household) where Louis’ father kept asking about his day and wanting to know about how his job was treating him, an answer his father would know already since Jerry and he were best friends (yet another reason Louis got the job), with Laura trying to change the subject every few minutes.</p><p>“What kind of car was it?” his father questioned, nonchalantly eating his oven-baked frozen pizza, too much shredded chicken added on top. His stepmother stayed silent.</p><p>“Mazda, Ms. Harper’s from down the road,” Louis answered him, not caring to enunciate as his mouth was full of food, attempting to finish his meal as quick as humanly possible. The table was silent again, Laura speaking up.</p><p>“Anna and I hung out today,” Laura spoke up, “We had cheesy fries at Fudd’s.”</p><p>“They have cheesy fries there?” Louis tried to seem interested, hoping his father would leave him alone. It didn’t work.</p><p>“What was wrong with it?”</p><p>“Needed a new battery,” Louis slurped his milk, causing his stepmother to cringe, “Easy fix, sort of.”</p><p>“Anna made us friendship bracelets,” Laura tried once again to change the topic. She failed.</p><p>“I’m impressed you’ve kept your job this long,” his father grunted as he choked on a piece of chicken. Laura slapped her hands over her mouth, muffling her laughs. Their stepmother eyed her, unamused.</p><p>“I’m not the terrible person you think I am,” Louis retorted, breathing heavy, “I’m a capable young man.”</p><p>“You’re just a boy.”</p><p>“I got an A on my history test,” Laura butted in. She was ignored once more.</p><p>“And yet I’m a man whenever I make a simple mistake?” Louis stood from the table. His father joined him, resting his large hands against the dark wood. His stepmother briefly glanced up before looking back down at her plate of food.</p><p>“When you bring your drugs into this house, that’s a ‘simple mistake’? When you stay out later than curfew—”</p><p>“I’m an adult, dad!” Louis raged, losing his cool, “I don’t have a fucking curfew!”</p><p>“Don’t you use that tone with me!” his father brought his fist to Louis’ face, in the same spot as before, the already tender cheek throwing Louis into agony. It sent him spiraling to the ground.</p><p>The table was silent. His stepmother pulled out her phone, scrolling through Facebook when Laura stood from the table, ready to lean over and help Louis off the floor.</p><p>“Don’t touch him, Laura,” their father demanded, “If he wants to be a man, he’ll get hit like one.”</p><p>Louis struggled to stand, silent tears dripping off his chin. He felt warm blood fall parallel to a tear-stained line that ran down his blotched cheek. Without a word, he walked towards the front door as his father reamed, “Real men hit back!”</p><p>He shakily grabbed the bent joint in his pocket, the weed still packed tightly inside, only slightly bent. Genesis was a little too good at rolling.</p><p>He stuck the stick between his wet lips, struggling to light it, hands shaking and vision blurred. He imagined Harry’s hands wrapped around his, helping him regardless of his distaste for the drug. He imagined Harry placing a kiss onto the cut that laid on his cheekbone, not caring if his lips got bloody from it.</p><p>Laura timidly walked outside, reluctant to say anything as she watched Louis smoke. He inhaled deeply, feeling the high induce him into a happier state of mind.</p><p>“Can I hit it?”</p><p>“You’re too young,” Louis sighed as he held the joint with his pointer finger and thumb, “Go back inside.”</p><p>“Lou, I’m 16—”</p><p>“Back inside, Laura, please,” Louis implored, his voice exhausted. Laura frowned, her eyes glossy as she stepped backwards, inside the reticent home, the sound of his stepmother clanging dishes together while the water ran hot emitting into the murky night.</p><p>…</p><p>Monday morning, school for Laura arrives, and Louis offers to drop her off. He appreciates spending time with his little sister, the only one who understands their father more than anyone else, even Harry, even Genesis.</p><p>There were only two schools in Hamper, Texas. The first school held grades Pre-K to 8<sup>th</sup> grade, with about 350 students in attendance. Louis, Harry and Genny had all gone there together, Louis spending most of his days tormenting his teachers with Genny by his side whereas Harry would sit in the library, hearing the muffled laughter of his two friends as teachers would chase them down the halls. A giant smile would spread on his lips, struggling to concentrate on his book as he would hear Louis get himself out of too much trouble by making up some slightly believable excuse.</p><p>The other school was Hamper High, an incredibly creative name. As most high schools, grades 9-12 attended, and things didn’t change much from the group’s time at Hamper Elementary’ Louis making teachers’ life’s harder, Genny tagging along whenever she had the chance, and Harry’s nose stuck in a book.</p><p>Louis can’t help but reminisce as he pulls in through the half-circled driveway. Not that there was much to remember about the shabby school, with it’s yellow-white walls and chalkboards that smelled like actual lead and poison. But those small moments, when Louis almost slammed Harry’s fingers in his locker, or when Louis took a girl to prom but only had eyes for Harry, or when Genny went through her first heartbreak with some slag named Jason; he can’t help but miss the bits of drama, the easy escape from home.</p><p>He stops behind another car, near the front entrance. Laura grabbed her bag, planting a disgusting wet kiss onto his cheek.</p><p>“You’re sick,” Louis rolled his eyes, wiping his slobbered cheek as Laura cackled, throwing her backpack over her shoulder, “See you later asswipe!”</p><p>“I hate you!” Louis joked as she slammed the door behind her, running up to Harry’s younger sister, Anna, who happened to be stood next to Harry. He was miserably failing to pass out flyers to other students who walked by, shoulders sagging and headphones blasting what Pastor Thomas would describe as “corrupt” music into their ears. He was dressed like a typical church boy on Sundays, his ironed blue shirt buttoned all the way up to his neck, his slacks wrinkle free with shiny black shoes that squeaked when he bounced from person to person, shoving a flyer that looked like it was made by a 12 year-old who recently discovered Adobe Photoshop into their faces.</p><p>Louis rolled down the passenger window, “Harry!”</p><p>Harry looked up, his heart-shattered face lighting up with glee as he ran to his boyfriend, careful not to scuff his shoes as his shoulder-bag bounced against his hip. He was gripping the stack of papers in his hand.</p><p>“Hi, lovely,” Harry reached his hand into the car, Louis grabbing onto it instinctively.</p><p>“Whatcha doin’?” Louis smiled. Harry sighed, exhaustion on his face. Louis felt tired just from looking at him.</p><p>“Dad wants me to get people to join a choir band for the church. I’m the lead singer,” Harry beamed at the last part, his teeth bright as he proudly grinned. Louis’ heart fluttered; there was no doubt in his mind his talented boy would be the front man of a band, no matter how lame of a band it was.</p><p>(Louis, without question, would never tell Harry how feeble he found the whole band thing to be. He’s a supportive boyfriend after all.)</p><p>Music played quietly from the radio, “I’m sure you are. Well deserved.”</p><p>“Let me in?”</p><p>Louis unlocked the door, their hands parting for a moment before joining again when Harry sat on the plush passenger seat. Harry always thought Louis owned such relaxing, well-used things; his bed was velvety to the touch and filled with polyester-cotton fiber and feathers, his pillows contoured perfectly to his head whenever he’d take a break from studying and nap with the windows open, the sun shining on his face as he slept. Louis’ lap was comforting when they would sit together after service on Sunday’s, Harry’s legs straddled around Louis’ plush thighs as they would snog in the room with no cameras in sight, tiny whimpers escaping Louis’ lips as Harry would—</p><p>Never mind.</p><p>They had learned to be sneaky whenever they were together. It killed them both, to have to hide the truth from their loved ones constantly simply because their town was backwards, their minds simple.</p><p>“Will you help me pass them out?” Harry pleaded as Louis drove away from the front of the school.</p><p>“Nah, let’s go to my place instead,” Louis suggested. Harry slouched in the seat subjugated, buckling his seat belt as Louis zoomed down the road with more twists than Anna’s curly hair.</p><p>“You look like a pre-pubescent John Mulaney,” Louis teased him, his eyes mischievous. Harry slapped his hand away from his slicked-back hair, “I wanted to look nice!”</p><p>“And you do … just a bit overly fancy, is all,” Louis leaned over, cupping his face as he placed a fat kiss on his lips. Harry grumbled, joking peeved, “Pay attention to the road.”</p><p>Harry clutched the flyer in his hand, reading the cover, <em>“Hamper Methodist Church Band! AUDITIONS: Wednesday, September 18<sup>th</sup> in the music room.”</em> He thought about Louis, how he would admire him gracefully play the piano keys at his place, how he would whisper-sing so only Harry could hear his lovely voice, all for him. He wished Louis would show his talent to the public.</p><p>“Lou, may I ask you a question?” Harry asked. Louis chuckled, “You don’t need permission to ask anything; ask away.”</p><p>‘Err,” Harry wasn’t sure how to start; he knew Louis wouldn’t be too happy with the conversation, but he wanted to convince Louis, “I want you to join the band—”</p><p>“No,” Louis cut him off straightaway. Harry sighed; he saw that coming, but it upset him how stubborn Louis could be, how quick his answer was.</p><p>“Please, at least consider it,” Harry clasped his hands together, turning his body towards Louis, “It would make me so happy—”</p><p>“I can’t, Harry. I’m sorry. Your father wouldn’t allow me in anyway, I’ve gotten too many tally marks against my name,” Louis reached for Harry’s hands, “I’m sorry—”</p><p>“You’re not sorry, don’t even bother,” Harry swiped his fist away from Louis’ hand, throwing it in his lap. Was he being overly dramatic about Louis’ answer? Sure, but it truly upset him that Louis wouldn’t even <em>try</em>.</p><p>Louis exhaled, rolling his eyes at Harry’s reaction. Against all want, he asked, “How badly do you want me to audition?”</p><p>Harry peeked over at Louis in his annoyance, his demeanor almost child-like as he replied, “I thought you didn’t want to.”</p><p>“I don’t … but if it’s something you really want—”</p><p>“Oh, Lou!” Harry dived into Louis’ seat, pulling him into a hug as Louis swerved dangerously on the poorly cemented street, “Harry!”</p><p>After a moment of Harry’s arm covering Louis’ eyesight and having them nearly run into a couple mailboxes lining the street, Louis straightened out the truck, laughing wide-eyed, shocked as Harry beamed, his cheeks glowing crimson in delight, lips parted, eyes glistening.</p><p>Apparently, Harry was easy to please.</p><p>“How can I audition if I’m dead, H?”</p><p>“Sorry, I just … I’m surprised you said yes,” Harry was no longer buckled in. Instead, he was sitting on his knees facing Louis, his hands resting on his thighs. Louis shook his head, “I never said yes, I’m gonna think about it … you should really wear a seat belt. I thought you already had it on? Why’d you take it off?”</p><p>“I didn’t feel like wearing it anymore,” Harry shrugged as Louis retorted, “You were telling me to pay attention mere minutes ago, now you don’t have to wear a seat belt?”</p><p>“I do what I want,” Harry crossed his arms, “You can’t make me do anything—”</p><p>Louis sharply turned the wheel to turn onto another street, causing Harry to fly out of his seat and bonk his head against the windshield. Harry sulked as he sat up, feet hitting the floorboard while he rubbed his head.</p><p>“Ow?”</p><p>“Maybe you should’ve worn your seatbelt,” Louis smirked, but he couldn’t help but cackle when Harry fiercely tugged at the seatbelt, groaning in annoyance when the thing wouldn’t budge.</p><p>As Harry struggled, Louis pulled into the driveway, parking his truck. He pulled a cigarette from the glovebox, where his pack stayed. He held it between his lips, manually rolling the window down so that the smoke wouldn’t fly into Harry’s face.</p><p>Harry didn’t like that Louis smoked. It troubled him a lot. Any other day, Harry would snatch the cigarette out of his hand and scold him while Louis would cheekily sit and watch his boyfriend become flustered, placing a smokey kiss onto the tip of his nose. Today, he noticed a change of mood within Louis.</p><p>“What’s wrong, darling?”</p><p>Louis was reluctant to answer. Talks about his family, more specifically his father, always soured the mood. They were repetitive; those kinds of conversations never led anywhere, always ended with an uneasy vagueness, his problems without a solution. He supposed, however, if there was anyone who would listen, who would care, it would be Harry.</p><p>“I hate my dad, H,” Louis said finally, puffing on the cigarette, chuckling sadly, “I will never be enough for him. And he doesn’t even know I’m gay. He hates me as is, imagine if he knew…”</p><p>Harry unbuckled his seatbelt (yeah, the one that took his far too long to actually buckle into in the first place), leaning over Louis’ lap and pulling the plastic lever to push his chair back. He climbed on top of Louis shakily, almost uncharacteristically, straddling his lap as he took the cigarette from Louis lightly, Louis’ dry lips submitting. His eyes were hooded. Perhaps this would help Louis clear his head of sad thoughts. Harry’s never been good with words, but with actions…</p><p>“Harry…”</p><p>He placed the cigarette from Louis’ mouth to his, taking an extremely small inhale so that he wouldn’t start violently coughing and ruin his plan. He held the smoke in his mouth, bringing his lips to Louis’, blowing the gray cloud into his boyfriend’s mouth. Louis was sweating.</p><p>“Forget about your dad,” Harry whispered, “Think about me.”</p><p>“What happened to children obeying their parents?”</p><p>“Shush,” Harry pulled Louis’ shirt collar down, his skilled mouth sucking at the skin below his holy collarbones. Louis squeezed his boyfriend’s hips.</p><p>Harry took the cigarette once more and inhaled for a bit longer, coughing lightly as Louis rubbed his face, feeling his velvet skin beneath his calloused fingertips, “Hold it, and then blow out.”</p><p>Harry made a face, conflicted before deciding, “Alright then.”</p><p>He inhaled deeper this time, feeling it burn against his throat and weigh his lungs down. When Louis nodded, Harry released the smoke from his lungs, grey smoke gliding over his pale lips, a faint head-high encompassing him. Harry’s eyes became droopy, sleepiness overpowering him.</p><p>“You look so pretty, angel,” Louis kissed the side of Harry’s mouth as Harry giggled, “I feel pretty.”</p><p>Louis fondly laughed as he slid his hands up and down Harry’s back as the small high quickly dissipated. Harry’s previously dopey eyes were back to normal, his hands against Louis’ face as he unconsciously rubbed himself back and forth against Louis’ jeans. He stopped the movement when Louis flinched at the touch of Harry’s fingers on his scar.</p><p>Well, Harry got Louis’ mind off things, he supposed, even if it didn’t last long.</p><p>“How are you expected to respect your father when he does these things to you?” Harry saddened, his fingertips placed against the scar on Louis’ cheek, fat tears dripping down his face. Louis smiled despondently, “Don’t cry, baby.”</p><p>“I’m not crying,” Harry wiped at his cheeks, planting a wet kiss onto Louis’ mouth. Louis reciprocated his kiss.</p><p>Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck as Louis cupped Harry’s ass, bringing him forward more on his crotch. Louis hummed into the kiss, “I love yooou.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Louis was smoking a joint on the porch when his stepmom came out, glaring at the boy.</p><p>“Louis, what the hell is that?” his stepmom histrionically covered her nose, “It smells like skunk.”</p><p>“Have you … <em>never</em> smelled weed before?” Louis was taken aback almost, weirded out that whenever she passed his bedroom, she’d never smell the overwhelming stench of marijuana.</p><p>“You know your father doesn’t like that stuff. If it were up to me, you would be on the streets by now,” she shook her head, disappointed as she bent over and to grab the week-old newspaper off the porch.</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes, “If it were up to you, you would have had a child of your own, but you’re too old and bitchy to get laid.”</p><p>His stepmom was fuming, still bent over as she snapped her neck towards him, her vision red as she snatched the newspaper from the porch with dark red nails and marched inside, screaming, “I see why he hits you now, you insufferable little shit!”</p><p>The statement made Louis dizzy. He wondered if he truly deserved to be hit, disgraced in front of his sister. He felt tears welling in his eyes as he smashed the end of the joint into the ashtray, staring at Harry’s audition flyer below. He fucking loathed crying, hated how his eyes would turn puffy and his cheeks would remain blotched. It wasn’t a good luck on him.</p><p>He rubbed his eyes, squeezing the paper in his hands. The auditions were today, “Fuck!” he groaned loudly; he was already late.</p><p>Checking his pockets for his keys, he rushed towards his truck. Unfortunately, he had no time to change out of his clothes so that he wouldn’t smell of weed, but he did have some leftover cologne sitting in his glovebox. He hoped it would be enough.</p><p>His tires squealed as he pulled out of the driveway and hurried on down the road. He felt a tear slip past his chin as he lit a cigarette, placing it between his shaking lips and lighting it all while paying attention to the road. Not that there was much road to look at, but anyway.</p><p>He wasn’t upset from the statement his stepmother made, at least not for long, but more about how he had promised Harry he would show up after they had made out in his car, when he had been coerced into auditioning from the cheeky boy. Louis could still feel Harry’s heartbeat rise slowly as Louis made the promise.</p><p>He was terrified of disappointing Harry, to truly upset him.</p><p>Harry had been hurt by Louis’ actions a multitude of times. Whether it was showing up to Sunday sermon so high he could barely sit still without vibrating like a broken A/C box and giggling, or kissing him with morning breath, or continuing to suck Harry off after coming when he’s hypersensitive (“You know I don’t like that, so why do you do it anyway?” “I like the way your legs shake.”). Harry had never been truly disappointed with him, though. His small frustrations always disappeared a minute after when Louis would say something sweet, or make him laugh, or quickly peck his nose that would send Harry into a fit of giggles and a blush hotter than Mercury.</p><p>Almost anything Harry did never upset Louis. All his different mannerisms, his laugh, the way his eyes brighten at the sound of Louis’ voice, even when Harry would annoyingly poke at Louis’ face until he would give him attention or press his cold feet on his bare legs under the covers or roll in his sleep and make Louis nearly fall off the bed, it all warmed his heart. He could never be mad at Harry.</p><p>Louis wiped the remaining tears from his face as he parked the car. He looked in the rearview mirror, checking to see how bloodshot his eyes were, swiping his fingers to fix his hair. With a slight nod to his reflection, he pulled the keys from the ignition and sprinted into the church’s back entrance. While his head was turned to make sure his cigarette pack was snug and secure in his pocket, he bumped into someone.</p><p>“Louis,” Pastor Thomas smiled warmly. He was always so friendly to Louis, even when he reeked of weed and his clothes wrinkled beyond quick fixing, such as now.</p><p>“Hi Thomas,” Louis was startled, “I’m here to audition.”</p><p>“Ah, well, I’m afraid auditions have ended,” he frowned, placing a firm hand onto Louis’ shoulder. He wore a nice black glass watch on his wrist.</p><p>Louis panicked, only slightly. He could see it now, the disappointment in Harry’s eyes, the cold shoulder he would give him for probably days, how he wouldn’t serenade him during sermon anymore; Harry had the ability to be that dramatic over something as important to him as this. He attempted to control his breathing as Pastor Thomas’ eyes bore into him. It was a bit eerie but nothing Harry’s father hadn’t done to him before. It was as if he was trying to read Louis’ mind, to pick out all his secrets. He had gotten used to it by now, how intense Thomas’ eye contact could be, but it didn’t make it any less uncomfortable. Sometimes, Harry would make the same face, causing Louis to crawl out of his skin when he would realize how similar he and Thomas were physically. It was almost weird enough to ruin any kind of late-night mood.</p><p>Harry practically skipped up from behind his father with Genesis rambling on about one of the auditions, cheering when he saw Louis, “Lou! You made it!”</p><p>Apparently, Louis overthought about how mad Harry would be.</p><p>Thomas turned to his son, his face soft while announcing, “Auditions are over, Harry.”</p><p>“Oh, c’mon dad, let him play! He’s amazing, I promise,” Harry grasped Louis’ arm, shaking it vigorously. Louis laughed, a light blush shading his cheeks in slight embarrassment.</p><p>Pastor Thomas looked between the two, Genesis beaming beside Harry, “Please sir, you won’t regret it. He’s very talented.”</p><p>“We still have some openings anyway…” Thomas had a smirk on his lips as he thought, his finger pads tapping against his lips, “I suppose you may. But! He is the last one, no other surprises.”</p><p>Harry beamed, and if Louis could, he would have peppered kisses all over his adorable face, hold it in his hands, feel the brown curls between his fingertips. He didn’t deserve a chance, and yet Harry and Genesis convinced the stubborn pastor.</p><p>The four of them headed back to the sermon room, where a guitar and grand piano stood on the stage, near the pedestal where Pastor Thomas’ Bible laid. Louis anxiously walked the creaky steps of the stage, his footing sloppy as he sat down onto the sleek piano bench. He stretched his fingers, thinking of what song to play.</p><p>He hadn’t thought about a song at all, a stupid thing to decide on when all the eyes in the room are awaiting a sound of any kind to emit from the piano. Louis breathed deeply, playing a couple chords before deciding on “Fools” by <em>Troye Sivan</em>.</p><p>Harry couldn’t contain his goofy smile as Louis began to play a more advanced version of the song, his fingers tapping the keys with elegance as he hummed to himself, adding some improv of his own to the piece as his nerves died down. He wished Louis would have sang along, but he realized how hard this must be for him.</p><p>When Louis was in high school, he was big on musical theatre. He had hoped and prayed (something he rarely did) to be a part of his school’s production of <em>Les Miserables</em>, where he had sung the song “Getting to Know You” from the <em>King and I</em> for the auditions. He was big on musicals; he loved all the ones his school had produced at the end of the year and dreamed to be a part of at least one before he graduated.</p><p>The day the results came out for the cast, Louis hadn’t made it. All he had wanted was to be an extra, a side member, someone without lines, he didn’t care. He wasn’t even considered.</p><p>He had been holding his carton of Borden orange juice as his eyes flickered across the paper, desperately looking for his name. Out of all of those who auditioned, it seemed like he was the only one who didn’t make it. He slid down against the wall, tears pathetically welling in his eyes. Harry was there, a hand on his shoulder as he stood over Louis, making sure no one noticed his crying. No one did. They were too busy calling their parents about the show.</p><p>Harry and Genesis had urged Louis to audition their senior year of high school for <em>The Sound of Music</em>, and somehow, they got him to do it. Harry and Genny agreed to audition along with him. Louis sang with his soul, belting the lyrics of “Journey to the Past” from <em>Anastasia </em>as best he could. He cheered for Harry silently as he sang his bit, and his jaw dropped to the floor when Genesis sang. Harry and Genesis made a part in the show, as a nun and … Nazi. Genny cackled at the idea of being a nun until she noticed Louis’ tears once more, for the second time. Harry abdicated his role of being a Nazi not only for Louis’ sake, but because he would rather not play a Nazi of any kind, real or not. He had only auditioned to support Louis anyway, so it felt wrong to take the role when he wasn’t fully invested in the musical. The two had gone to support Genesis in the musical on opening night, but Louis couldn’t shake the lump in his throat when she had told them all about the theater department drama and how fun the afterparty was.</p><p>Harry beamed as he watched his boyfriend play the keys, hearing his small hums emit from his throat as he played. Harry whispered along to the song, “<em>Oh, our lives don’t collide, I’m aware of this.</em>”</p><p>Genesis whispered to Harry, “He’s doing so well!”</p><p>Harry turned to her, his heart pounding in his chest, “There’s no way my dad will say no.”</p><p>As Louis finished, Thomas cleared his throat, stacking some papers on his leg as he turned in his chair somewhat. Louis stood from the bench, standing awkwardly on the stage in front of the three. Genesis stuck her hands up, giving him two thumbs up. Harry chuckled beside her, his head resting on her shoulder as he looked up at him. Louis felt a grin sneak up on his face.</p><p>“That was wonderful, Louis. You’re quite talented,” Thomas nodded toward Louis, clearly impressed, “Your father will be proud to know you’ve been chosen as the pianist for the band.”</p><p>Louis could hear the cheers of his friends’ ricochet in his eardrums as he began to feel woozy with pride. His lips became dry when he felt Harry’s arms wrap around Louis’ middle, Genesis messing up his hair even more. For once, he had a good audition, and damn it felt good to be appreciated, even if it was for some lame choir band.</p><p>He hadn’t done this to please his father. He didn’t really do it for himself. Harry would disagree, “You did this for you!” he would say, but Louis knew otherwise.</p><p>He did this because he loves Harry, he loves to make him happy. He loves the way Harry’s teeth glitter in the sun when he laughs, how his eyelashes brush against his cheeks when he sleeps, how his lips look after they’ve been kissed, how he has a Bible verse for every occasion … he loves his continued support in everything Louis does.</p><p>What Harry wants, Harry gets.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Louis smoked a cigarette as he leaned against the metal wall of the mechanic shop. He had just finished his shift and was dreading going home.</p><p>He hated going home. There was always something wrong, someone was always stressed, someone was always annoyed with him, or Laura was in trouble for bad grades or staying out later than curfew, and it was always blamed on him, somehow.</p><p>Inherently, Louis wasn’t a bad kid. Yes, he smoked weed and cigarettes, got into fights, and had poor grades throughout high school, but overall, anyone who’d ever met Louis loved him. He was a genuine guy when he wanted to be. He was most kind toward Harry, the one person who truly, irrevocably loved him in this world. Well, except for Genesis and Laura … and Anna … and a few other people, he presumed. But no one showed it more than Harry.</p><p>He looked up through the smoke and noticed a figure walking towards him. He felt the September breeze blow against his face as Harry entered the stream of orange light beneath the old streetlamp, his brown curly hair bouncing as he walked, a smile on his face and his classic shoulder bag slapping against his leg.</p><p>“Lou,” Harry greeted him, “Shouldn’t you be home?”</p><p>“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s face, “How did you know I was still here?”</p><p>“Your truck wasn’t at your place, so I assumed you were here,” Harry stood between Louis’ spread out legs, one of his arm’s wrapped around Harry’s middle, his cigarette in his left hand.</p><p>Louis offered the cigarette to Harry, who declined it with a scowl, instead pressing a kiss to his lips ever so gently, with such ease and love bursting in his heart.</p><p>Louis took a hit of the cigarette, blowing the smoke away from Harry’s close face, “Can I go to your place tonight?”</p><p>Harry’s lips grazed against Louis’, “Of course.”</p><p>“Are you studying tonight?”</p><p>“No,” Harry dragged his fingers against Louis’ sides, grabbing his ass lightly as they joined lips once more, Louis letting out a soft, low moan as Harry pressed his fingers into Louis’ bare skin beneath his work shirt.</p><p>As they continued their session, Louis pulled away for a moment, “I love you, Harry.”</p><p>Harry blushed; the deep rose color visible in the near darkness. He leaned over, whispering in Louis’ ear, “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“You are?” Louis shouldn’t have sounded surprised, he knew Harry was always proud of him, no matter what. He needed the reminder, though; his thoughts about himself weren’t the same.</p><p>“Always, love. Yesterday, at the audition, you were spectacular. I love that song.”</p><p>“I know you do,” Louis placed his hand against Harry’s face, who leaned against the touch, “I’m sorry I didn’t sing it for you.”</p><p>“Will you sing it for me now?” Harry pressed the side of his face against Louis’ neck, his wet, bitten lips kissing Louis’ beating pulse.</p><p>Louis breathed in and began to sing, “<em>I am tired of this place, I hope people change</em>.”</p><p>As Louis sang, Harry took the cigarette from Louis’ hands, throwing it down onto the concrete and stepping on it with his white converse shoe. He pulled Louis from the wall, placing his arms around Louis’ neck as they danced, Louis laughing as he sang.</p><p>“<em>Only fools fall for you</em>,” Louis pressed his lips to Harry’s ear, “<em>Only fools fall</em>.”</p><p>They were not great dancers, but it didn’t matter; the important thing was that they felt harmony within their hearts. There was no stress, no apprehension, no cares of the world. The only thing holding them back was Hamper, Texas.</p><p>. . .</p><p>One morning, before Louis went to Harry’s to watch him study for his theology courses (no, not help him, because what the hell did he know about theology?), Louis’ father had received a text from Jerry.</p><p>“Jerry said you got in an altercation with one of your co-workers last night,” his father grunted as he read the news on his cell phone. Louis shrugged.</p><p>“He was being an ass—”</p><p>“You watch your language, young man,” his father looked up, eyeing him, “Jerry made you promise no fighting. I shouldn’t have to receive a text from my adult son’s boss about—”</p><p>“Oh,<em> now</em> I’m an adult?” Louis scoffed, “This is just like the other night, I swear. Make up your mind, please.”</p><p>“How dare you speak to your father like that,” his stepmother piped up from her endless scrolling on most likely Pinterest, “He pays for everything we have.”</p><p>“Fuck off, this isn’t about you,” Louis furrowed his brows as his father stood from his seat, Louis’ voice becoming less confident as he glanced at the man’s intimidating stature, “This is between my dad and me. It always is. Stick your face back into one of your mom groups on Facebook and mind your business.”</p><p>“Oh, so I’m the bad guy now?” his stepmom rolled her eyes, gesturing over to Louis, noting to no one, “This kid.”</p><p>“I don’t want you swearing like that anymore, do you understand me? No more drugs, no more fights, no more swearing,” Louis’ father got in his face, louder, “Do you hear me?”</p><p>“I hear you, just don’t care,” Louis blurted, his face turning red, immediate regret overcoming him. He felt his arm bruise from the blow of his father’s fist against his bicep. Louis grinded his teeth in pain.</p><p>As Louis turned away while simultaneously flipping him the bird, his father pulled him back, snatching his arm and turning him towards his burly stance. Louis’ eyes widened as he felt another smack in the face, not as rough as usual but still painful. His head had turned from the force involuntarily, his eyes landing on a crying Laura sitting on the stairs, her school bag in her lap.</p><p>He turned back towards his dad, who yelled, “I’m so tired of your disrespectful shit! You’re going to start being grateful, helping your mother around the house, you understand?”</p><p>When silence followed, his father switched the subject, “I’m tired of hearing about these queer rumors as well. It’s all Jerry talks to me about other than your poor behavior at work.”</p><p>Louis’ mind went blank. Gay rumors? He and Harry were so careful, had memorized where cameras were absent, met during afterhours when no one was around …</p><p>No one knew. How could have anyone found out?</p><p>“I’m not gay,” Louis barely whispered, interrupting his father. He glowered at him, his eyebrows in their permanent furrowed stance.</p><p>“There will be no fags in this house, do you hear me boy?”</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Make sure those rumors stop. I don’t want to hear another word about <em>my son</em> being an abomination, a man committing sin without repentance,” his father pushed him back, Louis stumbling into the hutch behind him, his arms shaking to catch himself. He was certainly bruised all over by this point.</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Louis scrambled himself up, running up the stairs, shaken up from the new information about the rumors, tired of the argument, tired of being pushed around. Laura watched him run pass, quickly standing, and chasing after him.</p><p>Louis busted his door open, collapsing on top of his dark green comforter. He loved that the color matched Harry’s eyes. Harry was cheesy in that sense, and Louis usually went with it. Harry was the one to pick out the sheets.</p><p>He began to sob as he clutched the blankets, his tears staining the green. He tried to breath, but his lungs failed him as his mind screamed for Harry’s touch, his comfort. A piece of cloth could only do so much.</p><p>“Louis,” Laura whispered warily from the doorway. She stepped in, closing the door so that they could be in private … as much privacy that was allowed in Louis’ household.</p><p>“Go away,” Louis wept, a blubbering mess, his voice muffled by the sheets. He longed for Harry, only Harry, the only person who could comfort him, the only person who mattered in his mind now, “Go get Harry or something.”</p><p>“Please talk to me,” Laura wiped tears from her eyes; she couldn’t help but cry whenever Louis did, “I want to help you.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand, Laura,” he lifted himself from the sheets, sitting on top the bed, legs crisscrossed. His eyes were rimmed red, his irises a darker shade of blue. His face was puffy. He probably looked as shitty as he felt.</p><p>His sister moved to the bed, sitting beside Louis. She had a small smile, blotched cheeks and all, as she placed her dainty hand with white painted nails onto Louis’ recycled jeans, “You can tell me anything, please Lou. I’m here for you always.”</p><p>He knew Laura was there, that was true. After bad nights, she was there to tend to his wounds, or bring him water, or hold him when Harry couldn’t (a rare moment, since usually Louis would run to his house anyway).</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand.”</p><p>“Try me,” Laura smirked, pushing lightly at his shoulder. Louis breathed in, a shaky inhale as he decided to out himself. He grasped his hands together, clearing his throat, blinking the last of his tears away.</p><p>It’s not that Louis didn’t want Laura to know; he had a small inkling that she wouldn’t care, but the anxiety that ran through his veins in that moment was something he had only felt once, when telling Genesis about him and Harry. It was different than the fear of being caught with Harry; somehow, it would be an easier process. He wouldn’t have to say anything, they would just <em>know</em>. Instead, having to explain it, to say the words “I’m gay”? It brought tears to his eyes as he imagined how horribly that could go.</p><p>This was infinitely easier when he had Harry next to him, with Harry’s thumb grazing against his shaking hand, his gentle touch soothing any nerves he felt. Now, he was alone, with his invasive thoughts overrunning his mind and pounding heart that would surely break through his ribcage.</p><p>He cleared his throat once more, his head ducked down. He pushed his shaking, clasped hands into his lap, licking his dry lips.</p><p>“I’m gay,” Louis barely spoke, “I’m dating Harry. Have been for almost a year now.”</p><p>The room was quiet. The fan on Louis’ bedside table creaked as it spun. He wondered when the last time he had turned it off was.</p><p>Laura looked away for a moment, her eyes focused as she stared at the ugly blue carpet that hadn’t been renovated since the 90’s. She wasn’t disappointed, or distraught, but rather contemplating his statement. Laura was smart like that, the smartest in a household full of dumbasses, himself included.</p><p>“Dad’s gonna be pissed,” was the first thing Laura whispered. Louis rolled his eyes, an uncontrollable smile etching across his face. <em>Thank God</em>.</p><p>“He won’t know,” Louis turned to face his sister, his eyes wide, quickly wondering if he had ever shown such vulnerability to Laura before, “He can’t know.”</p><p>“Of course,” Laura was serious, her hazel eyes intense, a hand firmly gripping his shoulder, “I’d never tell anyone. Not even Anna.”</p><p>“I hope that’s true,” Louis was shaking, fiercely wiping tears from his cheeks, “I’ve only ever told Genesis.”</p><p>“Can’t believe you didn’t tell me first,” Laura shook her head, a smirk on her face, “I thought I was your best friend.”</p><p>“You’re behind Harry and Genesis,” Louis wetly chuckled. Laura smiled solemnly, placing a hand on Louis’ leg. She already knew that, of course.</p><p>“I’m happy for you and Harry. I had no idea, but … now that you mention it, I can kinda see it.”</p><p>“Kinda?”</p><p>“I don’t know, never thought you’d be compatible,” Laura shrugged, “Harry’s <em>way</em> out of your league.”</p><p>“I hate you sometimes,” Louis tugged at his sister’s arm, pulling her face into his armpit as she screamed laughing, her painted nails pawing at his body to release her from the death grip. He wouldn’t admit it aloud, but <em>damn</em> it felt good to tell her, to no longer feel like he was holding in this huge secret.</p><p>Her necklaces jingled together as she was released from the damnation that was his armpit, immediately pulling Louis into a hug. He was confused, his face contorting.</p><p>“Laur?”</p><p>“I love you, Louis,” Laura kissed his red cheek, “I’m so proud of who you’ve become.”</p><p>They stayed that way, holding each other in comfortable silence. Their stepmother called them down for dinner. They ignored her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. WHO WE'RE BECOMING</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sundays were a pain to Louis. The sun was sizzling hot against his skin, sweat nearly dripping into his eyes. Mothers were regularly hushing their little ones as they immediately became bored with Pastor Thomas’ rambling service. Louis’ father swore up and down they were the best sermons he’d ever attended. Thomas could do no wrong in his eyes, Louis figured.</p><p>Harry, on the other hand, looked forward to every Sunday. For him, he loved singing with the choir, listening to his father’s words of wisdom, and watching Louis subtly drift off into sleep after a few minutes of his father’s sermon. His favorite part was serenading Louis ever-so secretly, watching as his lips turned into a dopey grin, the waves within his ocean eyes stirring softly as Harry would sing a song.</p><p>This Sunday, Harry had something different in mind from the usual Christian songs he and the band had rehearsed for the past few weeks.</p><p>After Pastor Thomas bolstered about how the Devil tricks humans’ minds into committing sin, it was time for Harry to sing. Starting this week, it would be the new church band ending the sermon, instead of the usual choir (who now only sings at the start of the sermon).</p><p>Although they had rehearsed something different, Harry quickly whispered to the guitarist, bassist, drummer, and his pianist boyfriend his plan as they began to set up. They were all in agreement, especially Louis. Harry was glad they knew the song. He realized he should have told them his plan earlier in advance, but he deemed himself lucky as went off stage to warm-up.</p><p>As Harry sang his do-re-mi’s off to the side of the stage, Louis approached him cautiously, wringing his hands in front of him.</p><p>“Are you sure you want to do this?” Louis asked with care. The consequences wouldn’t be astronomical; Pastor Thomas isn’t a violent or aggressive man, but who was to say how anyone else would react?</p><p>“Yes, I’m sure,” Harry winked at him, “Now play the chords, darling.”</p><p>Harry adjusted the microphone stand, his right pinky relaxed underneath the microphone, as he always had it.</p><p>Most times, Harry was never nervous to perform for the church. He loved every second of it; if he had the confidence and unrestricted urge to sing outside of church, he would play rock songs land dance around wildly on stage, letting his inhibitions fly free. Singing “Take Me to Church” by <em>Hozier</em> was his only way of getting it. Not a rock song by any means, but it still allowed the kind of freedom he desired, if only for a moment.</p><p>“We’ll be playing something a bit different today for y’all,” Harry bit his lip, his voice shaking.</p><p>Today, he was terrified. Why was he doing this again?</p><p>He cleared his throat away from the mic, as Louis began the first few notes, the guitarist strumming softly.</p><p><em>“My lover’s got humor,”</em> Harry started low, <em>“She’s the giggle at a funeral.”</em></p><p>Evidently, the younger people caught on instantaneously to what he was singing. The older folks were smiling; for now, Harry cringed at the upcoming backlash.</p><p>Louis couldn’t hold in his smile as Harry sang a bit more confidently, <em>“Every Sunday’s getting more bleak, fresh poison each week.”</em></p><p>Harry’s fingers began to shake, his heart thumping against his sternum as he barely warbled, <em>“We were born sick, you heard them say it.</em>”</p><p>Ever so slightly, he turned his body to the right, the side of his lips against the microphone as he sang to Louis, “<em>The only Heaven I’ll be sent to, is when I’m alone with you.</em>”</p><p>Louis’ eyes widened a bit at the bold gesture, looking down at his fingers pressing on the keys with skill. Harry only smirked, turning his body back to the unknowing crowd.</p><p>Slowly, the drums entered Harry’s ears, an eruption of pure instrumental joy surrounding him as he continued, <em>“Take me to church, I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.”</em></p><p>He watched as the crowd began to show a division in facial expressions. A girl, not much younger than him, grimaced and pulled out her phone, another person whistled as Louis pressed the antique ivory keys of the piano. An elderly gentleman looked away from the stage, as some middle-aged women began to whisper to each other. Thomas seemed unamused. This scared Harry the most.</p><p>Towards the end of the song, Harry turned his body once more towards his boyfriend, who was blushing like mad as he crooned, becoming bolder in his direction, “<em>There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.</em>” Louis fumbled with a key before regaining his cool.</p><p>When the band slowed, ending the song, Genesis rose from her seat as people began to leave for their other Sunday duties, commotion filling the room as Genny yelled, “Yes Harry! Go Harry!”</p><p>“Genesis!” her mother scolded her, “<em>Cállate ya a la chingada</em>!”</p><p>“Such language!” she pushed her black hair behind her, cackling, as she was pulled out of the room by her arm. She was still laughing as her mother continued to reprimand her in Spanish.</p><p>Harry blushed; Louis grinned.</p><p>Pastor Thomas approached the band, the drummer packing her drumsticks into a bag. He placed a gentle hand onto his son’s shoulder, “I’d like to speak with you alone, please.”</p><p>Louis gave Harry an assuring smile, his arm resting on the piano as he fumbled his fingers against the black glass. Thomas walked slowly to the side of the room, standing boldly in front of his son.</p><p>He was rigid as he spoke, “Harry, what was the meaning of that?”</p><p>“It’s a song that’s been on my mind,” Harry explained innocently, hoping his father doesn’t see through his façade, “It’s a good tune.”</p><p>“I was unimpressed,” Thomas sighed, exasperated, “That song speaks of abomination, it goes against our beliefs.”</p><p>“I wanted to connect to those who … may feel that way,” Harry was hesitant to say anything at all. He could already feel the lump forming in his throat.</p><p>“There are programs to help those who have such an inclination, and you know it,” Thomas frowned, “As a Christian, you should lead those who want to choose that life into one of salvation.”</p><p>“It’s not a choice, dad,” Harry was exhausted already, and they had barely started talking, “It’s how God made m—them.”</p><p>“We make the choice every day to either sin against God’s word, or to follow in His footsteps. You need to understand this. The Bible says it is a sin, and so that is word,” Thomas was becoming frustrated.</p><p>“Shall we also put those who commit adultery to death, dad?” Harry was running out of options, “Seems a bit dramatic to me.”</p><p>“Young man—”</p><p>Harry spoke a bit frantically, his words spewing from his mouth, “Dad, just listen, please, in Leviticus 20:13, in the Hebrew text, the words ‘ish’ and ‘zachar’ are described to use two men, one older and one younger, which can be inferred that the original text was against pedophilia, pederasty, whatever you want to call it, and <em>not</em> homosexuality, because—”</p><p>“Enough with your theories. Does the Bible not say, “man shall not lie with man”?” Thomas raised an eyebrow, and although his voice wasn’t necessarily threatening, it made tears well up in Harry’s eyes. He blinked rapidly, “It does, but the original text—”</p><p>Thomas placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder, a smile on his face despite the topic of conversation, “I admire your spirit, son. But it is focused in the wrong place. Focus your passions into God, into the church, the band, school.”</p><p>“Dad—”</p><p>“I don’t want to hear another word about this homosexual nonsense, young man. Do you understand me?”</p><p>Thomas was austere in his stance, his gray eyes staring him down. Harry would always be inferior.</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>With that, his father stalked away, ridding of his severe demeanor, greeting a neighbor and their son. Harry felt his eyes well up with tears. Thomas was never open to any kind of controversial conversation; it was always his word, or God’s, or whatever Republican, right wing station he listened to on the radio in the mornings, as he sat in his truck with a green coffee cup in his hand. Harry’s voice never mattered.</p><p>His vision became blurred as tears fell down his cheeks, leaning against the smooth wall for support. He watched as Louis stood from the piano, getting ready to approach Harry after noticing the frown on Harry’s face. He made his way to the side room, where the choir would practice in the mornings for the next sermon. Inside the room, he laid his back against the bleachers, breathing heavily.</p><p>He wasn’t quite sure why these kinds of talks hurt him so. He felt his heartbeat race, his eyes dart back and forth between the raised dots on the ceiling’s paint as he attempted to collect his thoughts.</p><p>At 18, he sometimes felt like he knew everything he needed to know. He knew that was a naïve way to think, a silly notion to believe he would be articulate enough, or smart enough to stand up to his father. Thomas would never change his close-mindedness, and his strong opinions. Harry had to learn quickly that this was something he could never convince his father of; that being gay was not a sin, but a kind of love Jesus adored equal to any other love.</p><p>Louis entered the room, his steps quiet. He watched as Harry sobbed, his cries muffled by his cardigan sleeve. The ache within his chest was powerful, eating him up as he made his way to his boyfriend’s side, his hand being clenched by Harry’s.</p><p>“Harry,” Louis breathed, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“He doesn’t care about what I have to say,” Harry shook as he spoke, “I could be highly educated and have a PhD in Theology, and yet it wouldn’t mean a thing. He’s always right.”</p><p>“But … he’s not,” Louis attempted to calm Harry down, “People are not perfect. Your father isn’t some … almighty man. No one is.”</p><p>“God is,” Harry couldn’t help but correct him. Louis rolled his eyes, a sad smile on his lips.</p><p>“Listen to me,” Louis pulled Harry into a hug, who nearly collapsed into his lap. Louis spoke softly in his ear, “Forget what he tells you. Believe that most people –”</p><p>“I don’t care about the majority,” Harry exasperated, his voice cracking, “I just want my dad to love me, to accept me.”</p><p>There was a pregnant pause. Louis held his breath, knowing the feeling.</p><p>“Thomas does love you,” Louis dragged his fingers down Harry’s smooth face, switching from one eye to the other, taking Harry’s loveliness in, “You could commit a heinous crime and your dad would be there, defending you until his last breath.”</p><p>Harry stared at Louis, lips flat, “I want to believe that he would do the same for his gay son.”</p><p>“He would,” Louis repeated, almost trying to convince himself, “He loves you immensely. He just … his beliefs are strong. They won’t falter, just like yours.”</p><p>“I love you Louis,” Harry pressed Louis’ hand against his face fully, leaning into the touch, giving up on the conversation, “Don’t you ever leave me, okay?”</p><p>“Never,” Louis moved his face closer to Harry’s. There were no cameras in the choir room.</p><p>Harry pressed his puffy lips against Louis’, his eyes shutting gently as Louis grabbed at the back of his head. He deepened the kiss as his cheekbones brushed against Harry’s face. Harry’s guilt and shame for singing the song washed away like ocean waves pulling sand into its pool, his heart glowing as he felt the light of Heaven shine upon them, if only for a second.</p><p>. . .</p><p>The homecoming dance had finally arrived in October. Laura and Anna, Harry’s younger sister, decided to get ready together at Harry’s house. As they sang pop songs in the bathroom with blow dryers blasting, Harry and Louis laid in his bed, hands roaming over each other’s bodies. Louis’ hair was a mess. Harry had his fingers in Louis’ fringe, attempting to fix the unruly strands.</p><p>“I hope they have a good time,” Harry breathed as Louis sucked lightly on his collarbone, propped on top of Harry’s thighs.</p><p>“Don’t talk about our sisters while I’m giving you a hickey, please,” Louis mumbled as he nicked at Harry’s sweet skin. Harry sighed peacefully.</p><p>“We should probably get up, they’re gonna need to leave soon,” Harry pulled Louis’ face to his, kissing his lips lightly, “I appreciate the love, though.”</p><p>Louis physically pouted, “Can’t they take your car?”</p><p>“Nooo,” Harry elongated the vowel, “We promised.”</p><p>“I don’t wanna get up,” Louis cuddled into his boyfriend deeper, holding him tightly around his waist as he laid on his side.</p><p>A bang was heard against the door, followed by Laura barging through. Harry attempted to release himself as Louis continued his snuggle session with his boy, pure anxiety riddling his body from Laura seeing them together--no shirts on and clearly more than friends to anyone with eyes and a brain.</p><p>“Stop being gay for a moment, dears, and take us to the dance,” Laura didn’t flinch as she looked at Harry’s confusion. Her white dress sparkled in his wide, petrified eyes.</p><p>“Fuck off Laura, we’ll be down in a minute,” Louis mumbled as he pressed his lips to Harry’s sweat-slicked shoulder. He was rigid as Laura shut the door, leaving them alone.</p><p>Harry was furious as he belligerently pushed Louis off him, who fell back on his back, the breath knocked out of him. Harry leaned over the bed to put his shoes on. Louis’ eyes widened from the sudden movement, sticking his hands up as if he were asking for mercy, “Listen—”</p><p>“Did you ever plan on letting me know Laura knew, or?” Harry felt hurt, a lump forming in his throat. <em>Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. </em>He was <em>so</em> tired of crying.</p><p>“I was going to tell you, I promise,” Louis became a bit frantic. He’d never upset Harry this much before. He’s never truly pissed him off, and it was weird to witness. He hated it.</p><p>“You outed me.”</p><p>“<em>What</em>? I would never,” Louis crawled towards Harry from the end of the bed, his tan contrasting against Harry’s pale skin as he placed his hand onto of Harry’s, “I was upset, she was there, I had to let someone know.”</p><p>“I seriously can’t believe you,” Harry turned his head to look at Louis, “I understand wanting to get it off your chest, more than anyone … but you should have given me the chance to do it myself.”</p><p>“Laura won’t say anything—”</p><p>“I don’t care about that,” Harry groaned, lolling his head down, rubbing at his temples, “Why didn’t you consolidate with me first, at least?”</p><p>“Oh, such big words.”</p><p>“What the fuck, Louis? I’m angry, can you not tell?” Harry glared at Louis, and wow Harry didn’t swear often, and it slightly turned Louis on—but that wasn’t important. Harry is, his feelings; he’s the most important thing in Louis’ life.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t really think before speaking, in that moment … um,” Louis was at a loss for words as Harry glowered at him with that intense genetic stare. Harry waited for a response, and when he didn’t get one, he stood from the bed, throwing a random t-shirt on.</p><p>“Baby, wait—”</p><p>“Shut up,” Harry didn’t face him, pulling out his phone to check the time, “Let’s go.”</p><p>“Harry, I’m sorry,” Louis scrambled to his feet. Harry opened the door, but before he could step out, Louis slammed it and turned Harry around, pushing him against the door.</p><p>“Let go of me,” Harry whispered, tears pooling in his eyes, “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”</p><p>“But I need to say this, I want to fix this,” Louis softened his voice, “I’m so fucking sorry. My dad, he was being a dick, pushing me around and Laura was there, and it’s not like she’s some random person, she’s my <em>sister</em>. She loves us, she loves you. I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew she would jeopardize your coming out.”</p><p>“And you’re right,” Louis continued, running his hands down Harry’s arms, smoothing down the goosebumps, “I shouldn’t have said anything about us before asking you first. It’s one thing for me to come out, but it’s another to out you in the process when you have no say in it. This is our thing, not just mine, not just yours.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry barely managed a whisper, his eyes downcast as a tear slid down his cheek. Louis wiped it away instinctively.</p><p>“Harry,” Louis’ eyes darted all over Harry’s face.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Please look at me,” Louis sighed. He hated to see his boy so distraught over something he did.</p><p>After a tense moment, Harry made eye contact, his lips shaking, “Is there anyone else that knows?”</p><p>“Just Laura, and Genny of course,” Louis’ guilt was rushing through his body, “I swear. I’m sorry, angel.”</p><p>Harry loved when he called him angel. It made him feel important, his worth and ego heavily boosted whenever Louis adorned him with such a title. He knew that Louis knew this too, and he couldn’t hide the grin that crept up on him.</p><p>“I know, but … just,” Harry held Louis’ cold hand, “Please, don’t tell anyone else until I do.”</p><p>“Of course, always, I’m sorry,” Louis repeated himself. He began to pepper Harry’s face with kisses, Harry giggling against his own will. He sighed as he watched Louis walk away, grabbing his shirt from the ground and putting it on with haste, his shoes next.</p><p>“Let’s promise, that when we tell anyone else, we do it together, alright? It’s <em>our</em> thing, like you said” Harry grasped Louis’ hand, a small smile on his face. Louis only nodded, gripping Harry’s hand tightly as they walked out of the room.</p><p>When they made it downstairs, Harry’s mother was taking pictures of the girls in front of the fireplace. Anna seemed annoyed.</p><p>“Mom, we have to go!”</p><p>“I know sweetie, just one more,” she noticed the boys enter the room, “Oh, Harry, Louis! Join the photo, please?”</p><p>They obliged, letting the girls stand in the middle as Harry’s mom took about a dozen more photos before finally setting her phone down, pulling everyone into a hug. Louis cheekily squeezed Harry’s ass. He pretended not to notice.</p><p>In the car, Louis beamed over his sister as he started the truck, “You look great.”</p><p>“Shut up and start the car,” she mumbled as she stared at her phone. Anna chuckled.</p><p>Harry rolled the window down as Louis sped off, hoping they wouldn’t be late to the dance. Anna told him not to worry, since everyone shows up a bit late anyway.</p><p>The wind blew through Harry’s hair. He closed his eyes, a smile present on his perfect face as he inhaled the autumn air, the crisp smell of Halloween invading his senses as Louis passed Mr. Tucker’s pumpkin patch.</p><p>He loved staring out the window on car rides, taking in everything around him. He wasn’t usually one to talk during a car ride; instead, he would read all the passing signs, <em>“We Buy Ugly Houses!”</em> and<em> “Store foreclosing! Everything MUST go!”</em>. He would silently listen to the conversations that occurred or pay attention to the tiny details in Louis’ continuous rants about work or his father or Sunday’s sermon.</p><p>He never felt as if he was out of the conversation. He believed his opinions were not always needed. This was not necessarily a bad thing, but rather he enjoyed listening more than speaking.</p><p>As Elton John played from the radio, Louis asked the girls questions.</p><p>“So, any special guys tonight?” Louis smirked, wiggling his eyebrows as he looked at them from the rearview mirror. Laura scoffed as Anna shrugged.</p><p>“I’m not into guys,” Anna innocently picked at her nails as Laura tried to get her to stop the poor habit. Harry nearly choked on air.</p><p>“Oh?” Louis’ voice was kind, unfaltering, “Who do you like?”</p><p>“I like my mom,” Anna answered, “My dad too. And Harry.”</p><p>“I’m a guy, and so is dad, you know,” Harry composed himself quickly. Anna laughed, “I know.”</p><p>“You don’t like me?” Laura shoved her playfully as Anna giggled, a blush forming on her cheeks, “You too.”</p><p>Harry took in a deep breath. Louis shot him a quick, confused look. They would certainly be talking about it later.</p><p>“That’s lovely, Anna,” Louis smiled softly as he turned onto the road Hamper High was located on, “Harry, dear, any words of advice to the girls?”</p><p>“No alcohol,” Harry was adamant, “Underage drinking leads to alcoholism in the future.”</p><p>“I do what I want,” Anna pursed her lips, “I can’t promise anything.”</p><p>Louis burst with laughter as he drove the truck up to the front of the building, where several other students dressed to the 9’s were waiting for the entrance to open.</p><p>“Laura, you’ve influenced her. Naughty,” Harry quipped as he shook his head. Laura raised her hands in the air, “I’ve done nothing.”</p><p>Anna opened the door, “Bye!”</p><p>“Bye loves! Stay safe. I’ll be back to get y’all at 11. Sound good?” Louis felt like a dad as he watched them slide out of the car, purses in hand. Louis noticed Anna gripping the tickets in her small hand.</p><p>“Don’t worry about us, we’ll catch a ride. Bye!” Laura slammed the door as her and Anna ran hand in hand to the front. They met up with another group, sharing laughs and taking pictures. Harry watched the scene unfold; his expression somber.</p><p>Louis pulled into an empty parking lot a few blocks away, looking at Harry as he put the truck in park. He was holding his hand, his thumb rubbing over his knuckles.</p><p>“Two things; one, what was up with your reaction to Anna saying she wasn’t into guys?”</p><p>“There can only be one gay in the family,” Harry attempted a joke, biting his lip.</p><p>“Fine, dodge the question then. More importantly, how come you seem so sad all the sudden? You’re not still upset from earlier, right?”</p><p>“No, no. I don’t want to talk about it,” Harry leaned against the window, avoiding Louis. Louis furrowed his eyebrows.</p><p>“I don’t like seeing you like this,” he said. Harry scoffed, throwing his hands into the air indignantly, “I can’t be happy all the time, Lou.”</p><p>Louis softened his face, “I know that … I’m sorry. I’m only concerned.”</p><p>“I … alright, look,” Harry submitted, “This whole dance thing is … it’s making me think about how I never got that dance experience with you. We never got the prom we wanted, the prom experience that <em>I</em> really wanted. I just wish we could’ve had our dances the way I envisioned them,” Harry went on a tangent, “We could have had matching suits, I would have bought you a pretty pink rose to match your lips,” he widened his eyes upon saying that out loud as Louis grinned cheekily, but he continued, “I would’ve kissed you slow on the dance floor as a pretty song played, holding your tiny waist, and feeling like I was holding the world in my hands. I would’ve gotten wasted with your afterwards at the park, even though I hate alcohol, but it would have made us loopy and I love loopy you. I would have laid with you in my bed, droopy from the drunkenness and I would have let you touch my hair, feel your fingers scratch against my scalp. I would have kissed you all night, hearing your little sounds escape your lips as I would rub your back just the way you like it. It’s what I wanted; it’s still what I want.”</p><p>Louis’ eyes fell to Harry’s lips, his heart swelling at the idea of it all, his eyes dark, “We can do that, always.”</p><p>Harry finally turned to Louis, his cheeks red, dejected, “I want to show you off, Louis. I want the world to know you’re mine.”</p><p>Louis unbuckled his seat belt, moving himself onto Harry’s lap. Without another word, he placed a sweet kiss to Harry’s lips, a skilled, innocent touch. Harry slowed his hands down Louis’ back, pulling a silver flask from his back pocket.</p><p>He grabbed the metal flask with a firm grip, staring, eyes flickering from the metal to Louis’ amused face, his face cringing as he said, “Why do you have this? And why is it, like, the biggest one I’ve ever seen? How did this stay in your pocket without any of us noticing?”</p><p>“It was for the girls, but since you ruined their fun by telling them not to drink, why don’t we have a bit of fun instead?” Louis had a lopsided grin on his face, pressing the tip of the flask to his lips. Harry immediately snatched it away.</p><p>“You have to drive. Also, we’re literally in a high school parking lot.”</p><p>“Let’s go to the park then,” Louis concluded, “Let’s live out your fantasy.”</p><p>“Don’t call it that,” Harry rolled his eyes, clasping the flask with two hands, a blush on his cheeks, “Don’t make it weird.”</p><p>Louis squished Harry’s face, kissing him once more, “Whatever you say, baby.”</p><p>It only took a few minutes to arrive at the park from the school, and from there, they sat crisscross in front of each other in the tall grass, flowers blooming around them as the sunset emitted throughout the blue sky.</p><p>Louis sat up on his knees, pulling out the giant flask, “Alright, sunny. Bottoms up,” he spun the cap off, taking a sip, a grimace on his face before passing it to Harry, “Should’ve stopped for some chasers.”</p><p>“Some what?” Harry asked as he took a sip, immediately coughing up a lung, “Holy—! It burns! What is this?!”</p><p>Louis cackled, his laugh echoing into the night as he fell onto his back, resting a hand on his shaking stomach, attempting to catch his breath, “It’s Smirnoff; vodka. Stole it from my dad’s office.”</p><p>“It’s disgusting,” Harry’s face contorted, swallowing some spit to relieve the burn. Louis smiled, fond, “All liquor is. It’s why you would usually have a chaser. Like orange juice.”</p><p>Harry took another sip, gagging as he passed it back to Louis, “You can have the rest.”</p><p>Harry ended up having more of the flask to drink than Louis.</p><p>They laid side by side, dopey as they watched the stars twinkle, their fingers lightly grazing together, a more than half empty flask thrown to the side. Harry was on top of Louis completely at some point, eyes closed, mouth parted as he rubbed the side of his face against Louis’ rising chest. Louis adoringly moved Harry’s curls from out of his face, wrapping a strand of the hair around his finger.</p><p>The less-intoxicated boy had assumed the other fell asleep, until he heard a deep incoherent mumble. Louis ducked his head down, his vision a mass of curly hair, “What’d you say?”</p><p>“Said, ‘you’re so soft’,” Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ chest, squeezing a bit too tightly. Louis laughed airily, rubbing his boy’s shoulder’s, “Too tight, baby.”</p><p>“Don’t wanna lose you,” Harry whined into Louis’ chest, “Won’t let you go.”</p><p>Louis’ heart swelled at the drunk remark, a fond smile on his lips, “Well can you not hold on so tightly? I’d like to be able to breathe.”</p><p>“To breathe or to love?” Harry looked up, his eyes unfocused, brow perspiring as he strained his neck. The hood of his hoodie piled up at the base of his neck, a streetlight from behind them casting a halo around Harry’s silhouette. Louis silently gasped, lips parted as he awed over him, his delicate, beautiful features. He wondered to himself how he got so lucky, how he had the privilege to hold such a stunning boy in his hands.</p><p>“Love,” Louis whispered, startled by the philosophical question, “I would rather love you then take another breath ever again.”</p><p>Harry looked down, biting his red lips and blushed, pink peppering across his cherubic face, shy, “I would choose love, too.”</p><p>Louis brought a gentle hand to Harry’s face, his thumb grazing his cheekbone. Harry mewled from the affection, reddening more before ducking his face down into the crook of Louis’ neck.</p><p>For a long while, the two laid that way, Harry’s hands aching from being underneath Louis for so long. Louis moved his hands up and down Harry’s clothed back, pressing ever so slightly at random times. Harry moved his head, pressing lazy, wet openmouthed kisses onto Louis’ neck, plum lips dragging across the skin, eyes closed as he blindly kissed up to his hairline, breathing in the smell of bergamot and lime. Louis felt the butterflies form in his stomach, squeezing the material of Harry’s hoodies when Harry hit a sensitive spot, just below his ear.</p><p>Harry stood up abruptly; his legs wobbly as he tore off his hoodie. Louis sat up, resting back on his elbows as he watched, curious and a bit dazed.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Louis stared at his lightweight boyfriend pull out his phone, “I’m playing a song,” Harry slurred, eyes slightly focused as he struggled to get to his music app.</p><p>“What song?”</p><p>Harry didn’t answer, instead tapping on his screen a couple times before tossing his phone next to Louis. <em>Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy</em> by Queen began to play, Harry spinning around as he began to mumble the lyrics incoherently before shouting at the top of his lungs, doing an improv dance (mostly with his arms), skipping away from Louis, “<em>Ooh love! Ooh loverboooooy! What’re you doin’ tonight, hey boy!</em>”</p><p>Louis ran straight over to Harry, covering his mouth with both hands, “Harry, it’s after hours, shut up.”</p><p>Harry apparently didn’t care, because he kept going, his shouts muffled by Louis’ hands, “<em>Set my alarm, turn on my charm—</em>”</p><p>Louis cackled as Harry pushed his arms down, gripping at his hips and began to swing them around sloppily, burying his face into Louis’ neck. Louis held the back of his head, his curls gripped in his fingers, as Harry accidentally pushed on Louis too hard, sending them down to the ground in a fit of airy laughs.</p><p>“My good-old fashioned lover boy,” Harry laid flat on top of Louis again, his hands resting on either side of his face as he admired Louis, adored his honey-colored fringe and pretty blue eyes. Louis scoffed, “I’m <em>not</em> old-fashioned. Look who’s talking.”</p><p>“<em>Say the word, your wish is my command,</em>” Harry’s pupils dilated as he whisper-sung, Louis’ dry lips parting.</p><p>“Kiss me, then,” Louis murmured, closing his eyes as Harry’s lips grazed his cheek before landing on his lips, slotting them together in such a way, it stirred a desirable warmth within Louis.</p><p>Harry rolled them over, Louis’ knees bent with Harry’s leg between them, the other lying lazily on its side. They stayed that way for a while, their lips bruising as Harry slid his hands down Louis’ back, tugging at the bottom of his jacket.</p><p>“Take this off,” Harry mumbled on Louis’ lips. Louis sat up, unzipping the jacket, then removing his shirt, the frostbitten air sending goosebumps on his arms. Harry pinched one of his erect nipples as Louis complained, “It’s cooold.”</p><p>“Wanna fuck you,” Harry ignored Louis’ complaints, instead sitting up and sucking fat hickeys on his bare chest, Louis gradually moving down to lie on his back, “Gonna fuck you, okay?”</p><p>The way Harry slurred over the words made Louis’ heart pound heavily within his chest, his eyes pure black as he tilted his head back, letting out a quiet moan, “Condoms, in the car, the glovebox.”</p><p>Harry began to roll his hips, rubbing himself against Louis’ leg, letting out high-pitched whines as he screwed his eyes shut, his nails digging into Louis’ back. Louis hissed at the pain, leaning over to bite into Harry’s neck. Harry’s shot wide open, “Not the neck.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Louis slid down, his lips dragging across Harry’s chest before biting into the skin at his collarbone, relishing in the moan that followed from Harry’s plump lips. Harry lost a bit of friction from the movement, “Your car, let’s go to—to your car.”</p><p>“’K,” Louis sat up, drowsy in lust as he lazily grabbed their clothes and Harry’s phone, handing it to him. He bundled the clothes underneath his arm as Harry squinted at his bright screen, turning whatever song was playing off. He attached himself to Louis again, walking backwards towards the parked car near the grass.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Harry felt pure bliss when Louis’ sweaty body fell on top of him, his arms wrapped around his neck as he gradually passed out. Harry was wide awake, listening to Louis’ steady breathing as they laid in the back seat, shivering from the cold. He placed a long, fat kiss to his lover boy’s cheek, pulling the condom off. He tied the top into a knot, reaching for one of the discarded grocery bags on the floorboard and threw it in there, too drunk and too lazy to do anything else with it in the moment. Louis’ body heat worked as a blanket, and he made sure to throw a hoodie over his naked body before wrapping his arms around him, falling into a deep sleep.</p><p>. . .</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>Halloween had passed, an uneventful holiday that no one except for teenagers celebrated in Hamper, Texas. November 8<sup>th</sup> came by swiftly after, an important date for Louis and Harry. It was their one-year anniversary.</p><p>“I’m not going to spoil the surprise, you dingbat,” Louis playfully jabbed at him with two fingers, pulling into an unfamiliar road. Harry held the pretty pink rose that Louis surprised him with in his hand, the thorns slightly cutting into the skin of his fingertips as he twirled it aimlessly.</p><p>“Don’t call me that,” Harry grinned, “It’s not nice.”</p><p>“When have I ever been nice?” Louis turned into an abandoned concrete building, the sun blaring against the car, reflecting into Harry’s eyes. He covered his face with his free hand.</p><p>“This was nice,” Harry gestured, the rose in his hand, “Very pretty.”</p><p>“I hope this is nice too,” Louis parked the car in front of the vine-infested building. There was brown, string-like moss hanging from the flat rooftop. Within the cracked material were iron rods sticking out, rusted from the rain and oxygen in the air.</p><p>Louis ran to Harry’s side of the car, opening the door for his boyfriend. Harry rolled his eyes, laughing as he laid the rose against the cloth seat as he hopped out.</p><p>The air was thick with humidity, encasing Harry as Louis tugged his hand towards the building. Harry soon realized the area was an empty, seemingly abandoned parking lot. In the center of the space laid a blanket along with paper plates and napkins, and a blue cooler with presumably food inside. Harry’s heart doubled in size as Louis stood behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as he rested his head on his boy’s shoulder, staring at the display, “Do you like it?”</p><p>Harry turned his face to Louis’, his lips parted in disbelief, “I love it.”</p><p>They pressed their lips together for only a moment; a sweet, domestic kiss of sorts. Harry raised his hand to Louis’ face, holding it tenderly.</p><p>The scene was so simple, so elegantly normal, and yet, to Harry, anything more would have been over the top. It was splendid, perfect, lovely. Anything involving Louis was lovely.</p><p>Walking to the picnic setting, Louis grabbed multiple items of food from the cooler, including sushi, a favorite of Harry’s, and a bottle of Chardonnay. Harry’s eyes widened as he watched the fringe-haired boy pulled out two glasses, pouring the golden liquid in, the drink twinkling from the spotted rays of sunlight that shone through the cracks of the concrete building.</p><p>“Wine? Really?” Harry laughed as he took the glass from Louis’ hand, their fingers brushing against the others. Louis saw stars in his eyes as Harry’s lips pressed against the glass, taking a sip of the wine. Harry was content; he had his eyes closed as he swallowed, Louis preparing his plate.</p><p>“You don’t think this is too fancy, do you?” Louis became shy, quiet. Unlike himself. Harry tilted his head, an eyebrow raised as he grinned, “Lou, darling, we’re in a parking garage. I think we’re alright.”</p><p>“I’m just glad you like it,” Louis leaned over the plates of sushi, placing a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek. Harry turned to meet their lips, their mouths moving slowly together.</p><p>Harry gradually moved Louis down against the concrete, laying himself over Louis. Louis giggled as Harry raised himself above him, admiring at his features. He would never be able to get over how Louis’ eyes flicked over at his, how his cheekbones glistened from the soft sunlight. It took his breath away every time.</p><p>“Do you remember how we first met?” Harry pondered, his lips moving slow. Louis rolled his eyes, “You love to bring it up, always.”</p><p>“I never bring it up!” Harry fussed as Louis interrupted, “You drunkenly talked about it on Halloween, and then with Laura the other day…”</p><p>Harry gave up his defense, “What can I say, I love the story. I love the memory.”</p><p>
  <em>Glittering August sun shone against 5-year old Harry, who gripped his school bag in his sweaty hands. He bounced on his heels as he stood with his mom at the bus stop, a bright yellow sign that no one could miss even if they tried. He watched as other kids with their parents walked to the stop, their sparkly shoes glittering and their faces red from the blistering heat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mommy, can I have some shoes like that?” Harry pointed at one of the little girls’ shoes, which were white and bedazzled with silver spots. Harry could imagine it now; running around in the meadow fields near Hamper, watching as his shoes would blind him while he played. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother turned to look at the shoes, not expecting the white shoes to be in his line of vision and wants. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times, darting her eyes around as she smiled warily, “I don’t think your father would appreciate you wearing those.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think Anna would like them, don’t you think?” she desperately tried to change the subject. Harry nodded, his little mind already wandering off into another thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His mother pat his hair down flat, “Are you excited for your first day of school?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah,” Harry was staring off into space, his mind completely off the idea of the shoes and school.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gonna make some new friends?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I have friends,” Harry looked up at his mother, eyebrows furrowed as images of his siblings etched across his mind, “Anna and Elijah.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your brother and sister?” his mother chuckled, “Alright then, but there’s nothing wrong with making more friends! Why don’t you go talk to some of the kiddos here?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry blinked, “Okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He trudged away, looking down at the ground. He wasn’t nervous; he was simply anxious to get on the bus already. He felt like he had been waiting for ages. He was bored.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The shoes of the girl had blinded him once more, so he looked up to see who they belonged to. A girl with black, long ponytails wrapped with red ribbons and a bold smile met his gaze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hello,” Harry whispered. He didn’t know why he suddenly became nervous. He gripped onto the straps of his Spiderman backpack; his palms sweaty. The girl grinned wider, that somehow being possible as she was already smiling so big. Her mother walked over to Harry’s mother, who greeted her kindly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve never been on a bus before, have you?” the girl beamed, practically jumping. Harry shook his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” the girl continued to bounce on her feet, the decals of the shoes hitting Harry’s light eyes. He shielded them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I like your shoes,” Harry remembered how he had been staring at them before. The girl looked down, then back at Harry, “Thanks! I just got them.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My shoes don’t sparkle like that … but they do light up!” Harry started to run around in circles, making sure to stomp the ground as he ran so that his Buzz Lightyear shoes lit up in an array of green and blue. The girl gasped, “Cool!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stopped to take a breath, resting his hands on his knees like his dad does whenever he works on their car. The girl pushed a few strands of hair from her sweaty forehead. The August heat wasn’t kind to anyone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That was so fast,” the girl noted. Harry beamed, “These are my fast shoes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My name is Genesis,” the girl stuck her hand out, “Are you Harry?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How do you know that?” he wondered, his eyes growing wide. She only giggled, putting her hand back down to her side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see you at church sometimes. Your daddy talks so loud,” she put her hands over her ears. Harry nodded, “I know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Down the street, Harry heard an older man’s voice boom. He looked up, expecting to see his dad since the voice was so loud. Instead, it was someone else with their son, gripping his arm tightly, his knuckles white as he essentially dragged the boy to the bus stop. As they got closer, Harry could hear what he was yelling about.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why can’t you listen to simple instructions, son?” his face was red, not from the heat, Harry thought, “Took way too damn long in the bath, couldn’t even put your shoes on, made me have to do it for you. You’re not a baby anymore.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The little boy only ducked his head, his straight brown hair covering his eyes as they came to an abrupt halt a little bit away from the rest of the parents and their kids, “You be nice to the others, no back-talking your teacher, understand me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” he barely whispered, but just loud enough for Harry to hear. He frowned at the sight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hated getting in trouble. Sometimes, Harry would leave his toy cars on the stairs and his little sister would slip on them or his mom would break them under her shoe. He would get reprimanded, but it always ended with a hug. He loved hugs. He wondered if the boy in the street liked hugs too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He watched as the boy’s dad stormed off, muttering obscenities to himself as he walked back down the road, leaving the boy alone, without a hug of any kind. Harry watched as he stared at his shoes. They looked like they were fast shoes, Harry concluded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s Louis!” Genesis beamed as Harry became startled, forgetting she was there for a moment, “He comes over sometimes and eats all my food.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry felt himself walk towards the boy, hearing Genesis trudge behind him. He put on his best smile, like the one he uses when his mom pushes her camera in his face for pictures. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi,” Harry spoke softly, lessening the intensity of his smile a bit, “I’m Harry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boy looked up, his eyes piercing blue and sad, “Hello.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi Louis!” Genesis seemed to not notice the boy’s sad demeanor. She pulled him into a breathless hug, the boy giggling softly within the embrace. His mood seemed to lighten as the hug continued.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi Genny,” Louis’ face was smushed. She finally let go, fixing his hair as she did so, “Didn’t mean to mess up your hair.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Where’d your daddy go?” Harry asked. Louis shrugged, “I don’t know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Want to come stand with us?” Genesis offered. Louis nodded, and the three walked back towards their parents.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Genesis, the bus is here!” her mother called. The three of them started to run, Harry being the first to get to the door, and he gave all the credit to his fast shoes. As he waited for the door to open, he noticed Louis was apprehensive to follow the rest of the kids inside. Harry left his spot and grabbed Louis’ hands, whose eyes widened as he watched the group of kids in their ironed-clothes and perfectly done hair climb up the steps of the yellow bus.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sit next to me,” Harry tilted his head to the side. Louis nodded, and they walked hand in hand to the door. Harry heard his mother shout, “Bye! Love you!” as Genesis’ mom held her by the shoulders, then embraced her in a hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they made it up the steps, the bus driver began to shout, “Two to a seat!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Louis frowned, “Genny can’t sit with us.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry turned around, noticing Genesis had become preoccupied with another girl. Harry looked back at Louis, who had noticed the same thing. It seemed like she already found a seat buddy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let’s sit in the back!” Harry beamed, tugging Louis’ hand, and pulling him down the aisle. When they started to get near the back, Harry noticed the older kids had already claimed their seats, some having their backpacks blocking from anyone else sitting with them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Louis began to shake, “M-Maybe we should sit in the front?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry noticed an empty seat on the upper left side of the bus. Without a word, he pulled Louis into the seat, smushing himself against the window to give Louis more than enough space. Louis sat down anxiously, feeling small and awkward amongst the older kids, who weren’t paying attention to him, although it felt like they were eyeing him down, as if he were some bug that needed to be smushed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before Louis could express his discomfort, the bus began to move, the noises of laughter and conversation filling the space. Louis brought his knees to his chest as he watched Harry wave to his mother through the window, who waved back vigorously.</em>
</p><p>“And then we lived happily ever after,” Harry concluded, moving down to his elbows above Louis, who had his face turned to the side, solemn. Harry moved one of his arms, resting a hand against his cheek. His eyes were far away, in a place Harry could never fathom, could never understand.</p><p>“I’m glad you see that as a good memory,” Louis sighed, still not looking at Harry, “I wish I could say the same.”</p><p>Harry frowned. His eyes couldn’t help but glow as he looked upon Louis’ lovely face, but his heart was heavy, “I wish I could change it for you, like … like how they do in that movie <em>Inside Out</em> or whatever.”</p><p>A small chuckle escaped Louis’ lips, who finally looked back at Harry. He couldn’t help but fond over his sweet features, how his eyes were still bright no matter the conversation, that that everlasting light behind them would never burn out. He hoped it never did.</p><p>“I don’t <em>hate</em> that particular memory,” Louis sighed, “I’ve never regretted meeting you, ever. It’s just … my dad made it a pretty shitty day for me.”</p><p>“’Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong,’ Corinthians 16:13,” Harry quoted. Louis rolled his eyes, “You and your verses, I swear.”</p><p>“I mean it,” if Louis didn’t know Harry well enough, he would have thought he was hurt by his teasing, but he’s become so accustomed to it over the years that Harry is never <em>actually</em> hurt.</p><p>Harry leaned down, his pink lips hovering over Louis’ as he spoke slowly, “Remember our first kiss?”</p><p>“How could I forget?” Louis lifted his head, meeting their lips together with slow, cool movements. Louis reached up and wrapped his hands around Harry’s face, smiling, “You were singing that stupid <em>Sleeping Beauty</em> song—”</p><p>“How dare you call it stupid,” Harry gasped, getting off Louis, who quickly pulled him back towards him. Louis sat crisscrossed with Harry’s head in his lap. Louis cackled as he spoke, “And as you were running around on those old risers, you tripped and fell on your ass—”</p><p>Harry covered Louis’ mouth with his hands, muffling his next words, “And you refused to get up until I helped you.”</p><p>“Why can’t we skip that part of the story? It’s so embarrassing,” Harry’s face and chest reddened deeply, the crimson color darkening his features.</p><p>Louis tapped Harry’s forehead, “No details shall be skipped over. It’s one of my favorite stories.”</p><p>“Just skip to the good part, I don’t want to hear any other part,” Harry threw his hands into his lap, ducking his head as best as he could from the position he was laying in. He began to blush even worse when Louis continued while playing with Harry’s hair, “Fine, fine. I was sat at the piano, as you know, playing some chords and then you grew some balls and kissed me, which, I can’t believe I didn’t do it first, I should have made the first move. It haunts me to this very day, you know.”</p><p>“You’re so odd,” Harry mumbled through laughs. Louis bent his head down at Harry, faking a gasp, “What did you say?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Yes, you did,” Louis adjusted them around until he was on top of Harry, whose laughs only grew as Louis grabbed at his waist, sitting up on his knees, “How dare you call me odd! I make this lovely picnic for you, stole fancy champagne from my stepmom for you—”</p><p>He was interrupted by Harry’s lips against his once more, a feeling, a taste Louis could never tire of. After a few close spills of champagne and quiet moans emitted through the space, Harry fell asleep, his shirt “mysteriously” missing. Louis was going to wake him up, but seeing how at peace Harry looked melted his heart, and so he laid beside his boy, wrapping his limbs around him, holding him close, not ever wanting to let him go.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Dinner is never a comfortable thing in Louis’ household, but at least the food is decent. Louis tries not to complain much, especially since his father will defend his wife’s cooking till his last dying breath.</p><p>Today is even more uncomfortable since Laura brought home a boy she fancies from school, a sophomore such as herself named James. He had dark brown hair that swept over light hazel eyes that exuded “severely annoying” and “know-it-all”. Louis doesn’t know what Laura sees in him, other than his charming looks, he supposes.</p><p>“Did you grow up here?” Louis’ father questioned; his eyes peaked in interest for whatever reason. Louis knew his father didn’t actually care; he was acting like he did for show.</p><p>“No, I moved here recently to be with my dad for the remainder of school,” James explained, his mouth full of food, “I’m from Villa, Colorado. Grew up in the back mountains, the woods my home.”</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes as he grabbed a napkin, wiping at his mouth.</p><p>“James’ father is a computer programmer,” Laura seemingly bragged, grasping onto James’ hand on the tabletop, “He plans to pursue the same thing.”</p><p>“Interesting,” Louis’ father munched on some food as Louis’ stepmom crossed her arms over her lap, her eyes unamused, “Doesn’t make much money, does it?”</p><p>“Quite the opposite,” James butted in, his gigantic smile and glittering white teeth annoying Louis more, “It’s a … comfortable living.”</p><p>Louis scoffed, muttering under his breath, “Comfortable living.” Laura kicked him in the shin underneath the table.</p><p>Louis knew he had an issue with overanalyzing any of Laura’s new boyfriends; Harry called him out on it once when he had berated her ex-boyfriend Christopher a few months back, “Leave the poor guy alone.”</p><p>He ended up dumping Laura via text soon after, so Louis felt justified in his dislike for him.</p><p>The conversation went cold after that. Louis felt the air grow thick as he watched his father carefully, tentatively, noticing how he became more relaxed, which oddly frightened him. He watched as his father looked up to meet his eyes, and Louis swore he saw a red behind his gray irises. It’s like he was waiting for Louis to say or do something that would set him off.</p><p>Oddly enough, Louis’ stepmom made the first attack.</p><p>“Why haven’t we ever seen you bring home a lovely girl before? Someone like our handsome James here?” Louis watched as James’ ego grew before him, his chest puffing out in pride. It made him sick. So did the chicken salad before him, but alas.</p><p>Laura looked down awkwardly, muttering, “It’s a funny story, really.”</p><p>“Um,” Louis stuttered, but before he could think of a lie, Laura butted in. “Perhaps one hasn’t caught his eye yet. He’s quite picky.”</p><p>Louis forced a laugh, silently thanking his sister for saving him from answering, “Yeah, I suppose.”</p><p>James still hadn’t felt the tense air of the room, happily eating the chicken salad on his plate. Laura placed a gentle hand on his arm, making soft eye contact with him. She made a quick nod at him, before standing. She announced to the room, “James and I are going to get some fresh air—”</p><p>“You’re not going anywhere,” their stepmother glowered, her fork scrapping at the plate. The sound irritated Louis immensely. He inhaled deeply, attempting to relieve his anger.</p><p>“Alright then,” Laura sat back down. James slowly became aware of the tension, setting his fork down slowly and crossing his hands on his lap.</p><p>Louis, Laura, and James all eyed each other as Louis’ father and stepmother continued eating. The minutes that passed by felt like hours as the tedious sounds of silverware hitting teeth and ceramic continued.</p><p>“So, James,” Louis’ father finally spoke up, Laura jumping beside Louis, startled, “What happens when you lie to your father?”</p><p>James’ cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together as he stuttered, something Louis didn’t expect from the cocky boy, “I … I get reprimanded, sir.”</p><p>Louis’ father slowly stood from his chair, his wedding band glistening from the fluorescent light above, “And how do you get reprimanded?”</p><p>Laura looked at Louis, her eyes wide and watering, mouthing, “What did you do?”</p><p>“He sends me to my room, usually, or takes my phone away?” Louis could hear the confusion in his voice as he said it, a drip of sweat running down his temple. Poor guy didn’t know what was coming. Louis held his breath.</p><p>“Well, in this household, I reprimand my son in a different way,” Louis’ father made his way around the table, Louis’ entire body stiff, “You see, James, my son has been lying to me.”</p><p>“About what?!” Laura abruptly yelled, exasperated. She looked at her stepmother for an answer, a hysterical look on her face, but she was only met with glistening, raging eyes. Evil, is how she would describe it.</p><p>“I do not appreciate liars, especially those who are my own children,” he stopped behind Louis’ chair, whose breaths were ragged as he closed his eyes, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment and shame. Laura abruptly stood, “Dad, please, stop.”</p><p>“Sit down, Laura,” their stepmother demanded as Louis slowly stood from his chair, the legs scrapping against the wooden floor with a creak.</p><p>His eyes were still closed when his father threw his first of many punches to the side of his head, his stance wobbly. He still stood his ground as his father placed another hit to his jaw, the silver wedding band bruising his skin. He heard James gasp as Laura screamed, backing up away from the table and into the wall behind her, the pictures fluttering against the solid.</p><p>“The shame he places against this family is quite tiring,” Louis’ father looked at his bright red knuckles, splotches of crimson blood against them. Louis clenched his fists; he had to keep standing, taking the blows to his face rather than his ribs with a steel-toed boot instead.</p><p>“Sir, I don’t think—”</p><p>“In this house, James, my son believes he can keep secrets from me,” his father quickly grabbed Louis by the shoulders, turning him to face his steel gray eyes. Louis kept his eyes shut, as to keep the tears from rolling down.</p><p>He hated crying, especially in front of his family. If there was any evidence for the shame he felt, it was to show weakness in front of his father, who already thought so poorly of him. There’s never been a time when his father saw something to be proud of in him.</p><p>“Look at me,” his father was surprisingly calm as he spoke, lowering his voice. Louis could hear Laura crying behind him. A slide of a chair and footsteps, he assumed James had gone over to her, to comfort her as Harry would for him.</p><p>Louis slowly opened his eyes. His father was piercing through him, searching for truth, “There will be no queers in this house. I will not allow my son to disobey God, or me.”</p><p>He stayed quiet as his father went on, who had turned to look at James and Laura, “You see, Louis has never brought home a girl before because, I can only assume, he doesn’t care for them,” he looked back at Louis, “But that will change. Quickly, I presume.”</p><p>“It’s funny that you mention it,” Louis nervously chuckled. He attempted to stay strong, stay afloat against the tide of his father’s aggression, “There’s this girl that I met, very sweet, reminds me of …. Mother.”</p><p>His father’s eyes became cloudy at the mention of his mother, who Louis remembered as so beautiful and kind, incredibly generous … and strong. He wondered if he could ever live up to such a woman. He wondered if he would ever see her again.</p><p>With that jab, Louis’ father struck him once again, directly in the nose. Louis felt the flow of blood rush from his nose as he collapsed into his chair. He watched, through half-lidded eyes, as his stepmother went around the table, picking up the half-eaten plates of food. Louis’ father brushed his knuckles against his jeans nonchalantly, “Dinner is over.”</p><p>Laura scrambled up from the ground, pulling James behind her, “We’re leaving.”</p><p>“I suppose that’s best, yeah,” Louis took James’ hand, who offered it kindly. He stood, wiping at his nose. His father and stepmother left the dining room with the dishes and a new sense of disgusting pride, leaving the three of them alone.</p><p>“James, I’m so sorry,” Laura cried, holding her brother’s swollen face, “I didn’t think he would—”</p><p>“It’s okay,” James attempted to calm her down, “Let’s get out of here. Louis, you should come with. My dad has a first aid kit—”</p><p>“Harry does too,” Louis sputtered, pulling his keys from his pocket, a small, sad smile growing on his lips. Laura wiped the tears from her face as they made their way to the door. Louis walked with the younger two to James’ car, where he opened the passenger door for Laura. When she stepped inside, he closed the door gently.</p><p>Turning to Louis, he placed a friendly hand on his good shoulder, “I’m … I’m sorry that your dad … There’s nothing wrong with being gay—”</p><p>“I’m not gay, but … thank you, James,” Louis cut him off, the lie numb on his tongue, “Please, be sure to drop her off at a reasonable hour, yeah? Just cause it’s Friday doesn’t mean—”</p><p>“I will, yeah, of course,” James smiled sadly as he turned away. He jumped into the car, starting it with ease and quickly drove off down the street. Louis watched as they rushed away, the tires squealing as the car made a sharp turn down another street.</p><p>Louis bit his lip as he walked to his truck. He fumbled with his keys as he stared up at the setting sky, the pretty orange and pink colors swirling around the clouds above.</p><p>He threw his keys back into his pocket, opting to walk to Harry’s instead. He realized, halfway there, it was a mistake as he began to feel lightheaded. His feet stumbled against the cracked pavement of the sidewalk as he made his way across the street and onto Harry’s. Thankfully, he wasn’t too far away. It would’ve been a nice, brisk walk had he not been disoriented from the blows that left his brain foggy.</p><p>With small steps, he found Harry’s house. Pastor Thomas wasn’t home, mostly likely leaving after dinner to do some work at the church. Louis was grateful it was Anna who answered the door, and not Harry. He would hate for Harry to see him like this (although it wouldn’t be the first time).</p><p>“Hello—oh, you’re bleeding,” Anna noted as she opened the white door. Louis couldn’t help but chuckle as his arm shot up to hold himself against the doorframe, “Yes, I am.”</p><p>Harry’s mother pushed Anna aside, gasping at the sight, “Oh, sweet Mary and Joseph! Get inside,” she hurriedly pulled Louis in, towards the kitchen, shouting orders at Anna to grab the first aid kit from the bathroom. She obliged, leaving the two alone.</p><p>Louis sighed as he lifted himself up onto the granite countertop with weak arms, Harry’s mother wetting a washcloth beside him in the sink. She turned to look at him, a frown on her face.</p><p>“What happened?” she asked as she tediously wiped around the open wounds. Louis leaned his head back against the cabinet behind him, closing his eyes, “I don’t wanna talk about it, if that’s okay.”</p><p>She only nodded as she continued. Louis heard loud footsteps come from the stairs, Harry’s voice calling out, “Mom? Who’s here?”</p><p>Louis couldn’t help but smile as he heard Anna reply in a snarky tone, “The only person who comes to see you.”</p><p>He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t bear to look at Harry’s face as he heard a tiny gasp emit from his lips. He felt Harry’s mom rest the washcloth on his leg, her small steps sounding farther away as she left the two alone.</p><p>“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” she told Harry. And then there were three.</p><p>There was silence, until Anna awkwardly handed Harry the first aid kit, who whispered “Thank you.” He walked towards Louis, towards the love and light of his life, who was bleeding, who was badly hurt. It killed him inside, to see Louis so weakened, so dead to look at.</p><p>“Ow,” Louis winced as Harry applied a cotton ball to his face, rubbing in a creamy medication. Louis finally opened his eyes, looking at Harry’s stunning face, covered in silent tears.</p><p>“Why do you allow this to happen?” Harry’s voice cracked. Louis rolled his eyes, “Wasn’t it you who said to respect our parents? ‘Honor your parents’ or something like that?”</p><p>“Fuck him,” Harry spit, “He doesn’t deserve an ounce of your respect.”</p><p>Louis was stunned back into silence as Harry placed some band aids on his cheekbone, jaw, the bridge of his nose. He looked at Louis square in the face, looking over all his features. His eyebrows were furrowed, focused as he did so. Louis leaned forward slowly, placing a soft kiss onto the tip of his nose.</p><p>Although he blushed for a second, Harry’s voice was still weak, “Nose doesn’t look broken, and your eyes aren’t black or anything. Good sign.”</p><p>“I’ve had worse,” this remark seemed to push Harry over the edge, who fell to the ground, whimpering to stop himself from crying as he held his knees to his chest. Louis immediately fell beside him, holding him in his lap against the cold, tile floor.</p><p>“Baby,” Louis finally started to cry, not as greatly as Harry was, as he placed his hand into Harry’s curls, holding him to his chest. Harry heaved harshly, “One day, one day he’s gonna … you’re gonna …”</p><p>“What can I do, Harry? Until I get the hell out of Hamper, there’s not much I can do,” Louis sighed into Harry’s hair, kissing at his scalp. Harry looked up at him, his eyes a lighter green as they glistened with tears. He wiped at his face, standing up with a dejected sigh. He pulled Louis up with him.</p><p>“Stay here tonight, please,” Harry nearly begged as Louis held onto his waist.</p><p>“Already planned on it,” Louis brushed his lips against Harry’s wet ones, Harry holding his face, his fingers shaking. He seemed more distressed than Louis was.</p><p>One day, as he promised Harry long ago, they would leave this place. One day.</p><p>. . .</p><p>It was sometime past midnight when Harry was still wide awake, watching Louis as he slept comfortably. The swelling on his face had gone down considerably, small bruises forming around his cheekbone and jaw, but those would soon be gone with rest and time.</p><p>He was staring at his phone, his eyes watery as he held his thumb over the contact name “Elijah”. With a shaky breath, he pressed down, the phone dialing quietly. He turned down the volume so he wouldn’t wake up his lover boy.</p><p>“Harry?” the voice questioned, “How’s it going?”</p><p>“Hi Elijah, I’ve missed you, so much,” he bit his lip as a tear ran down his cheek. He felt his hands shaking, anxiety interfering with his heart beat’s rhythm.</p><p>“My little baby brother has finally called me after all this time,” Elijah chuckled, “And decides to do so at the ass crack of dawn.”</p><p>“Sorry, I just …” Harry attempted to control his breathing, “I need to tell you something.”</p><p>“This couldn’t wait until tomorrow? You know I love you, but I also deserve my beauty sleep.”</p><p>Harry let out a single, quiet chuckle, resting his free hand on Louis’ rising back, “I don’t think I’ll have the courage to do it later if I don’t say it now.”</p><p>There was a pregnant pause that surrounded Harry in a severe thundercloud of nerves. He heard his older brother sigh deeply, “Alright, H. Talk to me.”</p><p>Harry took in another deep breath, rubbing Louis’ back. He turned his face to look at Louis’ sleeping figure. He looked so serene, so calm in this stance. He wasn’t fidgeting or puffing on a joint or fighting back tears; he was at peace, where Harry always wanted him to be.</p><p>“I’ve got this … person, in my life. They mean … so, so much to me, make my heart soar into heaven whenever they’re around, give me all the happiness I’ll ever need in life,” Harry stuttered, his lips shaking, he gently grabbed Louis’ warm hand, careful to not stir him awake, “I-I need you to know … <em>he’s</em> the one for me. God made him for me, Elijah, I just know it.”</p><p>“He?” Elijah questioned, but his voice was light, unfaltering, “Does this wonderful guy have a name?”</p><p>“Louis,” Harry feels more tears fall down his face, his voice finally cracking, “His name is Louis and he’s been through so much, so much stuff and he doesn’t deserve this, deserve to have to keep this huge secret that he and I … that we’re gay.”</p><p>“Louis … the name sounds familiar,” Elijah pauses for a moment, “Have you told anyone else?”</p><p>“Just our mutual friend, Genesis,” Harry answered, his voice barely above a whisper, “But I’m tired of keeping it from … everyone … from you and Anna and mom and …”</p><p>“Dad,” Elijah breathed. They were silent once again, “I can’t blame you for not telling Dad. But why not Mom and Anna? You know they wouldn’t love you any less.”</p><p>“I suppose you’re the guinea pig,” Harry exhaled, “I’m testing it out, trying to find the right words.”</p><p>“I might not be the best guinea pig, seeing as I haven’t been in Hamper in years, but …” Harry heard shuffling from the other side, “So far, you’re off to a great start.”</p><p>“Jokes aside,” Elijah continued, “I love you, I’m so proud of you for taking this next step. I’m happy you told me. And I hope Louis is a good guy—”</p><p>“He’s the best,” Harry interrupted him, starting on a tangent, “He’s so good—well, he gets into fights a lot and steals alcohol from his parents and smokes his body weight in weed, I think, but he has a job and he’s a family person and takes me out on such lovely, creative dates and sometimes we dance in the rain like those cheesy romance movies, and he lets me talk about my studies even though I know he could care less but the fact that he even tries to care means a lot—”</p><p>“So basically, he’s awesome,” Elijah laughed, “And hey, weed isn’t as bad as Dad makes it out to be, it has a lot of medical benefits, you know. Colorado has opened my eyes, Harry. I think you’d love it here. If you ever wanna visit, you and Louis are more than welcome at my place. I’ve got a pull-out couch with y’all’s name on it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Harry smiles so hard that his cheeks begin to burn, “I love you. I’ll let you sleep.”</p><p>“Thank you, I appreciate that. And do call me more often; and tell Anna to call me a bit less. I have a life, you know?” he can see Elijah’s cheeky grin from there in his bedroom, his perfect teeth shining even in the dead of night.</p><p>“I will, I promise. Talk to you later, love you,” Harry ended the phone call, tossing his phone onto his bedside table. He ducked back down into the covers, wrapping Louis’s small frame in his arms.</p><p>He was facing Louis, observing how his eyelashes perfectly fanned across his cheekbones. He placed his finger on his eyebrow, moving it down his face lightly enough as to not disturb his slumber. He pressed a soft kiss onto his still lips, breathing in his scent.</p><p>“I’m going to marry you one day,” Harry whispered as he pressed another kiss onto his cheek, just above a bruise, “All you have to do is ask.”</p><p>…</p><p>Sunday came rolling around once more, as it did every week, to Louis’s dismay. It’s not that he hated going to church—he hated having that routine, knowing that each Sunday would be the same; he would wake up to his dad yelling about something in the morning, Laura hogging the upstairs bathroom from taking too long to get ready, and they would rush into their stepmom’s car, late for sermon while Laura would talk their ear off about something that happened at school.</p><p>“Oh, I’m going to see James afterwards. He wants me to meet his dad,” Laura beamed, “I’ll be back for dinner, I promise.”</p><p>“Sounds fine, Laura,” their dad muttered, “James seems like a fine, young man.”</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes, blasé, “His ego is bigger than mine.”</p><p>Laura slapped at his shoulder, “At least he has future goals.”</p><p>“I have goals!” Louis gasped, fake-offended, “I have an entire bucket list waiting to be completed.”</p><p>“Oh really? And what’s on this said bucket list?”</p><p>“Own a castle, go sky-diving, ride horseback across the Grand Canyon,” Louis began to make things up as he went along, “Discover Atlantis.”</p><p>“Discover Atlantis? Really?” Laura deadpanned, “At least make your bucket list achievable.”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll find the cure for cancer then,” Louis beamed, puffing his chest as Laura laughed, “You’re intolerable.”</p><p>“Ridiculous,” their stepmother rolled her eyes as they found a parking spot, “Thinks he’ll find the cure for cancer and can’t even dress properly for church.”</p><p>Louis’ mood lowered as they stepped out of the car, walking towards the entrance. Their parents found some other people to converse and gossip with as Laura turned in front of Louis, grasping his shoulders, “Don’t listen to her. You’re going to do great things.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Louis shrugged as they made their way to their seats. Laura crossed her legs, grabbing a Bible from in front of her and smoothing out her skirt. Louis noticed she was wearing new shoes.</p><p>“New shoes?” Louis questioned. Laura smiled, blushing, “From James.”</p><p>Louis pointed a finger towards his open mouth, imitating a vomiting sequence as Laura furrowed her eyebrows, “Don’t act like if Harry got you a nice, new pair of shoes you wouldn’t be beaming just as I am.”</p><p>“If Harry got me a huge bag of weed, yes, I would be overjoyed,” Louis laughed loudly as Laura playfully kicked him, a smirk on her lips. Some elderly folks in front of them turned around, annoyed by his behavior. Nothing new.</p><p>Pastor Thomas made his way down to the stage, everyone’s conversations turning into hushed whispers, “Good morning everyone. I hope you are all well rested, and that this past week has been good to you.”</p><p>Louis stared at the clock above the stage as Pastor Thomas spoke about finding strength when everything seems hopeless, or something like that. He wasn’t paying much attention.</p><p>His eyes made their way to Harry’s, who sat on the far, left side of the stage, his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands resting in his lap as he sat with the rest of the choir. He was dressed similarly to the day he had been failing to pass out pamphlets to the high school students to join the church band, except this time his hair was curly and unkempt. Louis felt himself smirk as he conjured up incredibly unholy, abominable thoughts, his fingers twitching against his thighs as he attempted to control himself.</p><p>Harry’s eyes met Louis’, his pupils dilating as they took in Louis’ demeanor. From the way Louis had propped his leg up on the seat, his foot pressing into the cushion, and casually laid his hand to rest in front of his crotch was enough to make him squirm in his seat. Louis’ smirk became more prominent.</p><p>An hour passes and the lust in Louis’ eyes hadn’t faded. As everyone stood to commit to their other duties throughout the rest of the day, Louis bolted towards Harry, dragging him away from the crowd of people praising his performance. They decided the band take a break that week to practice more for Christmas time, but no one showed up to those rehearsals except for Harry (who dragged Louis along).</p><p>Never mind the band or rehearsing or Christmas, Louis had other things in mind and clearly, Harry wasn’t against the idea when Louis pushed him against the brick wall outside on the side of the church, far away from the cameras.</p><p>“The cameras--?” Harry mumbled into the crook of Louis’ neck as Louis moved down the length of Harry’s torso while pushing his shirt up, his hands gripping at Harry’s forearms when he stood back up, pushing his lips into Harry’s, saliva connecting their kiss when Louis breaks away.</p><p>“Trust me, I’ve smoked back here more times than I can count and I’ve yet to be called into your dad’s office,” Louis smirked as he grabbed the back of Harry’s head, pulling him towards his warmth.</p><p>“My dad—” Harry was interrupted by Louis’s soft lips gliding against his neck, laying against his thickly beating pulse. Louis began to suck softly at Harry’s sweet skin above his collarbone, lingering ever so slightly before pressing his hands against Harry’s head, his thumbs caressing Harry’s cheeks.</p><p>“Let’s say we take this back to your place, hmm?” Louis’ eyes practically glowing as his hips rutted against Harry’s crotch. Harry threw his head back, groaning at the thought of what events would occur on his bed, with Louis beneath him sweating, squirming as Harry had his way with him.</p><p>“Okay, yeah, yes,” Harry held Louis’ small waist, pushing him back and towards Harry’s car, which was strategically parked on the opposite side of the parking lot, where the two were currently situated. It was the only area on Hamper Methodist property that didn’t have any cameras facing it (other than inside in the choir room); aka, the perfect place to snog occasionally.</p><p>“Can’t believe you actually drove for once,” Louis mumbled as Harry grabbed the back of his neck, nails digging into his skin, he responded, “Had a feeling something like this would happen.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Louis seriously doubted that Harry thought that far ahead.</p><p>“Why else would I have parked over here?” Harry pointed out, making it Louis’ turn to blush, something he didn’t do often.</p><p>With his spine against the car’s passenger door, Harry made his way down Louis’ body, pressing kisses through the fabric, before fumbling his fingers at Louis’ zipper.</p><p>“Why wait?”</p><p>Meanwhile, inside the church, families continued to chatter amongst themselves, blissfully unaware of the unholy sins occurring just outside in the parking lot. To any onlooker, one would know based on the steamy windows, and the sharp slap of a hand against the window what the two young boys were up to.</p><p>An hour or so had passed, with Harry and Louis managing to avoid any awkward run-ins with an innocent church-goer and family who had walked by, but then again, not many people walked by this area of the church grounds. They laid there, Harry’s head resting against Louis’ bare torso, taking in his scent, his warmth. Louis’ leg was bent, sweat piled on his forehead.</p><p>As Louis traced lazy shapes into Harry’s bare skin, Harry looked up at him, his eyes glossy, face flushed, “I love you, Louis. I love you so, so much.”</p><p>Louis chuckled slightly, dragging his knuckles down Harry’s shimmery cheekbone, “I love you too.”</p><p>Harry began to feel a lump at his throat, a thick, awful feeling as tears pooled in his pretty, green eyes, “Tell me more.”</p><p>Louis grabbed at Harry’s waist, hoisting him up to eye level, “I love the way that, no matter what, you always believe in me, believe in <em>us</em>, believe that—”</p><p>Harry’s tears fell down his face, a small hiccup reverberating his chest as a sob escaped his lips. Louis’s eyes widened as he pulled Harry even closer if that were even possible, seeing as their bodies were completely intertwined with each other.</p><p>“H, baby, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I suppose some people <em>do</em> cry after sex,” Harry laughed wetly, wiping at his face. Louis shook his head, placing kisses all over his reddened face.</p><p>“Seriously, what’s troubling you?”</p><p>Harry bit his bottom lip, looking down at Louis’ glistening skin. His pretty, soft, tan skin. Harry moved his hand from his face to Louis’ skin, dragging his knuckles down to Louis’ bare thigh, gripping at the flesh.</p><p>“I’m so tired of this, Lou. I’m tired of not being able to hold you whenever I want, kissing you whenever I want,” Harry’s voice cracked, “I want to do it, I want to tell everyone.”</p><p>Louis swallowed thickly, his lips parted and slick with spit. His eyes began to dart all over, his heart racing, “Harry—”</p><p>“We could do it, Louis,” Harry sat up with a new burst of hope, “We could … we could do it together, starting with our parents, hand in hand—”</p><p>“Harry, no, we can’t,” Louis was somber, sincere in his response, “Of course, that’s all I want and more, you know that, but—”</p><p>“Louis, it could happen, we could make it happen, we already have the support of our siblings and Genesis—”</p><p>“You told Anna?” Louis pulled away from Harry’s embrace, a burning shock to his system. Harry bit his lip, guilty, “No, no, I told Elijah—”</p><p>“So, after giving me shit about telling Laura, you went on your way and told Elijah, without even confiding with me first? Like we promised?” Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Seriously?”</p><p>“Louis—”</p><p>“I can’t believe you,” Louis sat up more, leaning over Harry to grab his discarded clothing, “After we promised to … to do these kinds of things <em>together</em>.”</p><p>“You’re right, you’re absolutely right baby,” Harry pushed Louis back down, who was still gripping at his clothes, “And you have every right to be upset with me, but please, let me explain.”</p><p>Louis couldn’t stand to be mad at Harry for long, and any reason Harry had, <em>surely</em> it would be a good one. If there was one thing Louis was certain of, it was that Harry did all things with a real reason behind it.</p><p>So, Louis sat back against the door, his head resting against the thick glass, eyes on Harry’s shaky demeanor.</p><p>“That night, when you came over after that … dinner with your dad,” Harry started, Louis’ breath catching in his throat, “When you fell asleep, I called Elijah. And, God, Louis, I felt such an ache in my heart …”</p><p>Tears dripped down his face once more, blurring his vision, “Seeing you, in pain, so much pain, it killed me, it <em>is</em> killing me. So … telling him, letting that wall down for just a moment, to be vulnerable and maybe take some kind of backlash from Elijah was worth it when he told me he still loved me, said he was happy for us. I needed to hear it, I want to hear it desperately from everyone else I love and cherish. I’m so tired of hiding who I am, Louis, I’m so tired of having to keep a part of me hidden from those I love most.”</p><p>Louis was silent as he looked over Harry, watching him as he began to sob. He grasped at both of Harry’s hands, pulling them towards himself.</p><p>“Harry … all I want in this world is your happiness. I hate seeing you like this,” Louis leaned forward, pressing a shaky kiss onto Harry’s wet lips, “If telling your brother relieved even a little bit of your pain, then how can I be mad about that?”</p><p>“So, you’re not angry anymore?”</p><p>“I am, but … I get it. I understand,” Louis pulled Harry back down towards his torso, letting Harry rest his head against his skin, feeling his tears pool onto him, “I think us holding this in is hurting us more than it is keeping it inside.”</p><p>“What are you saying?” Harry’s voice was muffled.</p><p>“I’m saying … let’s do it,” Louis couldn’t help but smile at the thought, “Let’s be fucking brave for once. Let’s come out.”</p><p>“Are you sure? Please, don’t let this—”</p><p>“I’m sure. Fuck whatever my dad decides to do with me after. He can push me around, treat me like a ragdoll, I don’t care. As long as you’re happy, as long as we’re happy and open, I don’t care.”</p><p>Harry sobbed as he brought himself up to Louis’ lips, pressing shaky, unyielded kisses all over Louis’ laughing face. Louis held him tight, pushing him back to wipe the tears off his soft, glowing face. Anything for his boy, Louis thought.</p><p>“As long as you’re sure,” Harry whispered. Louis nodded. He hadn’t been surer of anything in his life, except for spending the rest of it with the boy laid out before him.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Sunlight shined through the stained-glass of the church, sparkling down onto the front stage. Harry stood with his hands wrapped around the microphone that sat on top the sleek, black stand. His eyes were closed, lips shaking as he took in a slight breath.</p><p>Stage fright wasn’t anything new for him, but he felt a bit pathetic for it. He’d been performing on the exact stage he was standing on, in front of all of the same people, since he was a little boy and first got involved in the church. And yet, he felt that same wretched feeling of nausea wash over him like it did when he sang <em>Take Me to Church</em>.</p><p>Today was no different than then. Well, except the fact that the song he was about to sing is written about his boyfriend sitting in the back row, who snuck in a water bottle full of Mike’s Hard Lemonade disguised as a non-alcoholic drink. Harry bit his lip, suppressing a smile as he caught his eye, watching Louis wink at him before taking a sip from the bottle.</p><p>Someone approached Louis, patting him on the shoulder as he stood from his seat, placing the bottle in his jacket pocket. Harry watched as Louis approached the stage while everyone began to take their places in the church benches.</p><p>“Ready?” Louis wiped his fringe away from his glossy eyes. Harry rolled his eyes, “Are you going to be able to play?”</p><p>“Of course,” Louis wiped his palms on his jeans as he spoke incredulously, “I’m not <em>wasted</em>,” he looked around the stage, “Where’s the rest of the band?”</p><p>“It’s just you and me, babe,” it was Harry’s turn to wink. Louis swallowed nervously, “Alright then.”</p><p>“I’m playing an original, the sheet music is on the piano. Think you can handle it?”</p><p>“There’s a reason I got into the band, H, I’m incredibly talented,” Louis lifted himself onto the stage, and Harry couldn’t help but lick his lips as he watched Louis’ biceps bulge at the sight.</p><p>Unlike the last time he went off script, he let his father know beforehand that he planned on singing an original song. He allowed Thomas to look over the lyrics first to avoid any gossip within the church, to Harry’s annoyance. Thankfully, his father didn’t notice that, although it’s a love song, it was written and is dedicated to Louis. A song Louis doesn’t know about.</p><p>His nerves become more related to excitement when he realizes he’s about to serenade his boyfriend with a song he wrote <em>on his own</em>, specifically for <em>him</em>. His fingers shook as he walked back to the microphone stand, bouncing on his heels as he waited for everyone to settle after Pastor Thomas’ long sermon.</p><p>“Hi everyone, good morning,” Harry spoke into the mic, hoping the shake in his voice wasn’t noticeable, “Louis and I will be performing an original, written by me. Hope y’all like it.”</p><p>He looked towards the crowd, taking in everyone’s facial expressions. He told himself he wouldn’t let whatever judgment they had affect him, but he couldn’t sike himself out of the dread he would feel if they hated it. He found Genny’s face in the crowd, who excitedly gave him two thumbs up. He returned the gesture, a bit shy.</p><p>He turned his upper body around to look at Louis, who had been studying the sheet music.</p><p>“Ready?” Harry asked, his face away from the mic. Louis glanced up, “Ready.”</p><p>He faced the crowd once more, focusing on an empty chair as he heard the melodic keys of the piano fill his ears. He waited for that one specific note, before he began to sing.</p><p>“<em>Sweet creature. Had another talk about where it’s going wrong</em>,” he had a shaky beginning, his fingers twitching over the microphone, “<em>But we’re still young. We don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong</em>.”</p><p>His eyes darted around as he continued, “<em>And oh, we started, two hearts in one home</em>.”</p><p>Louis was doing a great job for someone who hadn’t previously rehearsed any of it, Harry thought as he sang, watching his mother’s face light up when he got to the chorus, “<em>Sweet creature, sweet creature, wherever I go. You bring me home</em>.”</p><p>He slightly spaced out throughout the rest of the song, eventually getting to the end and turning his body towards Louis, whose tongue was sticking out as he simultaneously read the music and played the keys, “<em>You bring me home</em>.”</p><p>When the last key reverberated throughout the room, the church erupted in applause, several people standing from their seats and clapping loudly, including his mother and Anna. He’d never seen such a response to his performances before; to be fair, they were almost always a Christian folk song, and everyone would murmur afterwards and would either converse amongst themselves or with Pastor Thomas. But this time, multiple people came up to the stage, praising him and Louis on the song, asking questions that Harry either didn’t know the answer to, or simply <em>couldn’t</em> answer.</p><p>“Harry! What a wonderful tune,” an older lady, Mrs. Laurie, approached him after another person had come up to compliment him.</p><p>“Thank you, Mrs. Laurie,” Harry bowed his head slightly, “I’m glad you liked it.”</p><p>“So, who’s the lucky lady?” she beamed, and Harry couldn’t help but look over at Louis, who was still sat on the piano bench, talking enthusiastically with Genesis. He smirked, looking back at Mrs. Laurie, “A gentlemen never tells.”</p><p>“Oh!” Mrs. Laurie laughed, smacking his arm playfully as she shook, “Well then. Let me say this, then; whoever it’s for, they’re quite blessed to have someone as lovely as you.”</p><p>Harry thanked her once more, turning on his heel and gliding up towards Louis and Genny, who almost immediately embraced him in a bear hug, rocking them side to side as Genesis praised him endlessly, “Harry! That was <em>so</em> good! I had no idea you actually wrote songs?!”</p><p>“It’s the only one I’ve ever written,” Harry admits, blushing profusely, “I’ve dabbled here and there, but I’ve never done a full song—I guess until now.”</p><p>“It was amazing, record-label worthy if I do say so myself,” Genny absolutely beamed, spinning on her heel to turn to Louis, who took a sip from his bottle, “And you!”</p><p>Harry had smushed his cheek into his shoulder, attempting to suppress his giant grin. Ideas began to race his mind, scenarios consisting of going on tours all over the country and writing in professional studios clouded his mind. His ego had risen higher than it’s ever been with the idea that <em>he </em>could one day be signed onto a record label and make all the music in the world, whatever he wanted.</p><p>“What?” Louis interrupted Harry’s spacing out as Genesis gushed over Louis’ skill, “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, dumbass. You’ve gotten so good at piano!”</p><p>“Thank you, I think?” Louis tucked his drink back into his oversized jacket pocket, “I don’t know what else to say.”</p><p>“Let’s go get some food,” Genesis suggested, already spinning around in the direction of the cafeteria. Louis and Harry followed behind, Louis sneakily placing his hand next to Harry as they walked. He stuck his pinky out slightly, rubbing it against the top of Harry’s hand.</p><p>Heat rose in his cheeks as they entered the busy room, a few late stragglers sipping on coffee or talking amongst themselves. The three found a table in the back corner, Genny volunteering to grab all of them some donuts.</p><p>When she walked away, Louis finally had the chance to talk to Harry, “You did great today. Better than you ever have before, I think.”</p><p>“Even better then that time at the park with the Simmoff?” Harry raised an eyebrow, causing a soft chuckle to escape Louis’ lips, shaking his head, “Smirnoff. And yes, definitely better than that.”</p><p>“Well, I appreciate it,” Harry bit his lip, looking up at Louis through his eyelashes, “Do you really think I could be a real singer one day? With a record label and everything?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Louis reached under the table, no hesitation, squeezing Harry’s leg, “You can do anything you want.”</p><p>“I think that’s a bit of a reach, but thank you,” Harry had the urge to reach across the table and kiss his little nose. Instead, he sat on top of his hands, noticing Genny walking back to the table with a plate full of donuts.</p><p>“I just got the nastiest look from Mr. Cunningham for taking this many donuts,” Genny set the donuts down, “So enjoy them, for my sake.”</p><p>“Did they run out of the ones with the sprinkles?” Harry picked up a glazed donut, wrapping it in a paper towel from the rack in the middle. Louis snorted, “Sprinkles? How old are you, five?”</p><p>“Sprinkles are a delicacy, Louis,” Genesis defended Harry, who attempted to keep his smile down as he chewed on the sweetly breaded dessert.</p><p>“Genny. It’s just sprinkles,” Louis deadpanned.</p><p>“Fine, if that’s what you think,” Genny turned to Harry, “But Harry knows what’s up.”</p><p>“They don’t even taste like anything, and they get stuck in your teeth. They’re a nuisance,” Louis debated as he munched on a chocolate filled donut. He pointed to his half-eaten one, mouth full, “Now <em>this</em> is a true delicacy.”</p><p>“I don’t think y’all know the meaning of ‘delicacy’,” Harry murmured as Genesis and Louis began to argue over what donut is the best, and how many donuts in one sitting is too many. He had eventually tuned them out, savoring the donut as he placed his shoe on top of Louis’ from underneath the table.</p><p>At one point, Louis gestured his hand over at Harry, asking, “You agree with me, right?”</p><p>Harry had no clue what they were talking about anymore. He wasn’t even sure if they were still on the topic of donuts. He had zoned out as he ate, thinking about all the homework he had and what upcoming tests he needed to study for. He held a donut in his mouth as his eyes darted between his two expectant friends, swallowing his bite before answering, “Uh, yeah, sure.”</p><p>He couldn’t disagree with his boyfriend, right?</p><p>Louis stood from the table, yelling as he stuck a finger in front of Genny’s face while the other smacked the table, “HA!”</p><p>“You’re so immature,” Genesis had her arms crossed in front of her chest as she glared over at Harry, “Traitor.”</p><p>“I don’t even know what I agreed with,” Harry mumbled low enough so only Genesis could hear. At that, Genesis nearly lost a lung from the honk of laughter that escaped her, sending Louis into a fit of giggles at the weird sound.</p><p>A ding binged from Harry’s phone, a text from his mother asking him to come home to do some stuff around the house. He sighed, a bit annoyed as he shoved his phone back in his pocket, “I’ve gotta go. Mom wants me home.”</p><p>“Aww,” Genny pouted, “Don’t go!”</p><p>“I’ll see y’all later, I promise,” he crossed his first two fingers as he stood from the table, politely pushing his chair in. Louis leaned his head on his hand, his elbow propped on the table as he smiled at him.</p><p>“Do hope you liked the song, Lou,” Harry murmured shyly, his cheeks reddening as he awkwardly walked away.</p><p>“You know it,” Louis smirked, pursing his lips as he unabashedly stared at Harry’s ass.</p><p>“It’s cute how you can make him flushed without saying anything at all,” Genesis noted when Harry was gone. Louis shrugged, “It’s all part of my charm.”</p><p>“He wrote that song for you, you know.”</p><p>“He thinks I’m oblivious,” Louis bit his lip, trying to suppress a smile, “But I knew it the moment I played the first note.”</p><p>. . .</p><p><em>Tomorrow</em>, Harry texts Louis later that night while he’s lying in bed. Seconds later, Louis responds;</p><p>
  <em>are you sure about this ?</em>
</p><p>Harry bites his lip. His fingers shook as he typed back a reply;</p><p>
  <em>I’m sure.</em>
</p><p>Another bing. Louis texts back;</p><p><em>alrighty then. let’s do it </em>;)</p><p>Harry fell asleep that night with butterflies in his stomach, his cheeks hurting from the massive grin on his face as he smushed his head against the soft pillow.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Louis barely slept last night. His nerves piqued as he paced back and forth in his room, the early morning sun beaming through his blinds. He wore an oversized hoodie with some ripped black jeans, his socks keeping his toes warm from the cool December air that managed to seep inside the home. Stopping for a moment, he stared at the packed bags on the floor in the corner near his bed, organized by clothing and other miscellaneous things he wanted to keep.</p><p>He couldn’t help but think of all the ways this would go wrong. He knew what to expect from his own family; surprisingly, that didn’t bother him as much. He’d become so numb his parent’s hatred of him already that he couldn’t conjure up anything worse they could do to him. Besides, he had a back-up plan in case they kicked him out; he could park his truck at the meadow a few miles away, sleep in the backseat with lots of pillows and blankets. There was a gym in the next town over he could drive to whenever he needed a shower (it would be highly inconvenient, but it’s the only thing he could think of in the moment). He hoped the local sheriff wouldn’t give him trouble for it, but he would deal with that if or when the time came. He could always pick up a dinky fast-food job if Jerry fired him “for stealing on the job” or whatever excuse he would surely come up with.</p><p>He had a plan, that was certain. He was afraid Harry didn’t.</p><p>Pastor Thomas has never been aggressive towards Harry as Louis’ father was to him. He didn’t think Thomas would do anything extreme, like kick Harry out, but it still frightened him. He knew Harry’s brother Elijah would let him stay with him in Colorado in a heartbeat (it’d be easy since Harry did online schooling anyway), but what would that mean for them? How would they ever be able to see each other?</p><p>More importantly, what would that do to Harry? His entire life is in Hamper—the church, the choir, his friends, most of his family. Louis couldn’t bear to think about it. If anything, Louis conjured a lame plan without much of a solid ground; Harry could sleep with Louis in his car. It would be cramped, but it would suffice. Harry could go to the library to study and use the wi-fi for school. They could make it work. They’d have to make it work.</p><p>Louis got himself together, slapping himself in the face a few times while whispering, “It’s fine, everything’ll be fine.”</p><p>He sauntered down the steps, finding his way into the dinky kitchen. His stepmother was seated at the table, a hot cup of coffee in her hand. She had stopped waiting for Louis to wake up with the rest of the family for Sunday breakfast a long time ago, so everyone else had eaten already. He noted the time on his phone; 8:35. He had about fifteen minutes to eat before everyone would be piling into the SUV, ready to go. Fifteen minutes to get his nerves in order.</p><p>He found some off-brand cereal in the pantry, pouring himself a bowl before sitting down at the table, across from his stepmother, who was most likely catching up on the news, or checking the Hamper, Texas mom group she was a part of on Facebook. Nevertheless, she didn’t fail to catch his eye, her face immediately dampening.</p><p>“Good morning,” Louis attempted to start a conversation, but he was swiftly ignored by her subtle grunt as she looked back at her phone. As he munched on the tasty cereal, he heard the loud steps of Laura stomp down the stairs, her shoes clanking against the wood.</p><p>“Good morning!” Laura grinned. Louis barely smiled, letting out a weak, “Hey.”</p><p>He couldn’t help it; he was trying to not let his emotions show on his face, but his nerves worked like his anger did; bright on his face for everyone to see. He’s always had an issue with keeping a straight face.</p><p>“Morning, Laura,” his stepmother responded, “Ready to go?”</p><p>“Yeah, just brushed my teeth,” Laura giddily sat down next to Louis, scooting way too close into his personal space. She placed her chin on his shoulder, pouting, “What’s wrong? Someone’s a bit grumpy.”</p><p>“When is he not,” their stepmother rolled her eyes, but Louis ignored it, muttering instead, “Just tired.”</p><p>“Stayed up talking to Harry all night?” Laura mumbled under her breath while wiggling her eyebrows, which caused Louis to smack her arm as she cackled loudly, “Kidding!”</p><p>As if his morning couldn’t turn even worse than he knew it would soon become, his father walked out from his study, shouting, “Time to go! Everyone in the car.”</p><p>It had barely been five minutes since Louis had started eating, “’m still eating, Dad.”</p><p>His father glared at him, not having any of it, “Perhaps you should wake up with the rest of us then. Let’s go.”</p><p>Louis didn’t have the energy to argue, instead grabbed his barely eaten bowl of cereal and dumped it down the sink drain, watching as the water sprayed down against the steel and moved the tiny pieces of food into the garbage disposal.</p><p>Eventually, Laura and Louis squeezed into the back seat of the van, his stepmother sitting in the passenger seat while his father drove cautiously down the road, the complete opposite from how Louis drives down the same roads, swerving all over the place with his music blaring and a cigarette in his hand, resting his arm out the window.</p><p>There’s a reason why they take the SUV rather than let Louis drive.</p><p>“So, Louis,” his father spoke up, turning down the radio slightly, “What song with y’all be performing today?”</p><p>Louis was startled out of his head filled with the worst outcomes of today, “U-Uh, I think <em>God of Angel Army</em>.”</p><p>“You <em>think</em>?” his father spat, “You need to pay more attention. You’re lucky Pastor Thomas allowed you in the band at all, with your short temper and poor behavior.”</p><p>“I don’t have a—!” Louis was about to protest, then quickly realized he was allowing to let his temper … well, shorten. Laura snickered beside him, Louis nudging her with his elbow.</p><p>“It’s all that marijuana he smokes,” his stepmother proposed annoyingly. Louis ignored her once again, leaning his head against the window as they drove down the street some more.</p><p>They made it to the parking lot of the church, Louis noticing Harry jump out of his car along with his family. He noted how rigid his shoulders were—apparently, Louis was not alone in being terrified.</p><p>Was “terrified” too dramatic? Louis couldn’t be sure as he stepped out of the vehicle, his eyes lazily wondering at the ground. Laura pulled him aside when they walked into the main room, their parents taking their seats near the front as the commotion of everyone surrounded them.</p><p>“Louis,” she held onto his shoulders, eyeing him down a bit strongly, “What’s going on with you?”</p><p>“You’ll see,” Louis thought he would throw up if he said it out loud. He was coming out. He was fucking <em>coming out</em>, and rapidly his mood lightened at the idea. <em>Finally</em>, fucking finally he won’t have to hide with Harry, won’t have to watch for peering eyes from nosy neighbors or be careful about where he leaves love bites on Harry and vice versa, he won’t feel like a shitty boyfriend anymore. And he supposed, neither will Harry.</p><p>“Alright then,” Laura whispered, tapping her hand against his cheek before setting it down at her side. She was about to say something else before Harry essentially pushed her out of the way, his face green, out of breath, “Lou, need to speak with you, in the bathroom, please.”</p><p>He watched, bewildered as Harry ran off, brushing past people in a haste. Laura, still startled, turned back to Louis, “Go ahead?”</p><p>“I’ll be back,” Louis nodded a bit too enthusiastically before running in the same direction had ran, finding the public bathroom and opening the door.</p><p>Thankfully, no one was inside to witness the sheer distraught that encompassed Harry.</p><p>He was bent over the toilet in the stall, dry heaving as thick crocodile tears ran down his cheeks, his entire body trembling. He pushed his hair from out of his eyes, his forehead slick with sweat as he vomited. Louis tiptoed over to his boy, pressing a gentle hand onto his shoulder blade.</p><p>“H,” Louis frowned, his voice lowering, “Baby?”</p><p>“I can’t do this,” Harry shook violently, his voice muffled from the sobs that escaped his wet lips, “Oh, God, I can’t do this.”</p><p>“Yes you fucking can, Harry,” Louis became determined, dropping to his knees as he pushed Harry’s fringe back from his eyes, “I’ve got you.”</p><p>“I’ll lose everything,” Harry wept, clutching at the sides of the toilet seat, “Dad will never speak to me again.”</p><p>“You’ll have me, and Genny, Laura and Elijah. You’ll still have us, baby,” Louis felt the tears start to well in his eyes, “And … your dad loves you. He’ll love you no matter what.”</p><p>“He got so worked up over a <em>song</em>, Louis. Imagine how he’ll react when he finds out his son is gay,” Harry finally turned to face him, and Louis had never seen him so broken before. His eyes were rimmed red, his lips swollen and dripping with spit. Louis wanted to hold him, to rock him to sleep and tell him it would be alright.</p><p>But he can’t promise that. He’s not God, he’s not a seer, he can’t see the future, he’s just Louis.</p><p>Maybe that’s all that Harry needs.</p><p>Harry’s eyes were darting everywhere but Louis, his lips shaking as he leaned back over the toilet bowl, vomiting up more of his breakfast. Louis rubbed his back soothingly, kissing his shoulder as Harry sobbed.</p><p>“Listen to me, okay?” Louis sighed, “We’re gonna get through this, like we have everything else—<em>together</em>. This is just the one big leap before we get to the good times, yeah? And, hey, I’ve already got a plan in place in case things go to hell.”</p><p>“You? Having actual plans?” Harry, even amidst his breakdown, managed to be snarky. Louis chuckled, “Yes—well, more like a rough draft of a plan. But it’s a start.”</p><p>Harry weakly grabbed some toilet paper, tearing a piece off and wiped at his mouth. He sat back on his knees, looking at Louis, “I’m so freaking scared.”</p><p>“Me too,” Louis admitted, “But think about it; we won’t be living this weird, double life anymore. We won’t have to be scared shitless about being caught together, we’ll get to be ourselves.”</p><p>Louis pressed both of his hands onto Harry’s face, a small smile forming on his lips, “There are so many things that could go wrong. But being able to hold your hand, freely, without hesitation? That trumps all the negatives.”</p><p>Harry sniffled, a wet chuckle escaping his lips, “Why did I ever suggest we do this?”</p><p>“Because it’s eating you up inside, gnawing at your soul. You deserve to be out,” Louis pressed a tiny kiss to his nose, “Let’s go do this.”</p><p>“Okay, okay, okay,” Harry smacked his cheeks, ruffling his hair before leaning into Louis’ soothing touch, “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you, too,” Louis brought Harry’s body to his own, relaxing at the warmth and comfort he brought. In that moment, he was grateful no one had walked in.</p><p>. . .</p><p>After the choir blessed the sermon with its angelic melody, everyone took their seats, reaching over to grab their bibles. Harry sat front row of the choir; his entire demeanor heavily improved since his meltdown in the bathroom only 20 minutes ago. Louis sat in the back, as he usually did, and was accompanied by Genesis and Laura.</p><p>Louis wasn’t totally sure when Harry would decide to make the first move; they hadn’t discussed any of it. Did Harry plan to do it before the band would play? Was he going to be lowkey and wait until it was only their families in the room? Would Louis randomly stand next to him after and be like, “yeah, exactly what he said”? He had no idea.</p><p>They were going rogue.</p><p>“Happy Sunday everyone. I hope this past week has treated you well,” Pastor Thomas began, flipping through his bible and settling on a page, tapping the book lightly, “We’ll be discussing the story of Job today. But first, let’s pray.”</p><p>Louis had never been as hyper-focused during church as he was today, except all his attention was on Harry. Harry was quite the opposite; he was incredibly distracted, picking at the ends of his sleeves and playing footsie with himself, his head downcast.</p><p>With a start, Harry shot up from his seat as if someone had just set a fire underneath his chair and snatched the microphone from the abandoned mic stand. Pastor Thomas stuttered over himself, “Uh, Harry?”</p><p>“I have s-something I would like to say, just real quick,” Harry’s eyes were only on Louis, never faltering. His fingers were trembling as he held the microphone with both hands, his face already turning red as the murmurs of the crowd rose in volume.</p><p>Genesis widened her eyes at Louis, “The fuck is he doing?”</p><p>“Just wait,” Louis bit his lip, trying to contain his smile because holy<em> shit </em>Harry was doing it,<em> they </em>were doing it.</p><p>“Can it wait?” Thomas sighed, exasperated.</p><p>“No!” Harry yelled a little loudly at his dad, before turning back to Louis, his voice softer, “No, no, just a second.”</p><p>The entire church was dead silent as they awaited Harry’s speech. Harry stared at Louis, resembling a deer caught in headlights as his body shook. Louis simply raised his hand, giving him a thumbs up as he mouthed, “I love you.”</p><p>“When you’re young, you begin to compare yourself to others,” Harry began, his voice shaking as it echoed throughout the church, “I can’t give you a specific age of when it happens, but it does, and we all experience it at some point or another. You compare the way you dress to others, the way you talk, even how you smile. For me, the person I couldn’t help comparing myself to was my older brother, Elijah. He was my idol; someone I looked up to and wanted to be like. Everything he did I did; when he tried out for the basketball team in middle school, I did too a few years later. When he wanted something cool and fancy for Christmas, so did I. I idolized him, in a way.”</p><p>“Did Elijah die or something?” Genny leaned over and whispered to Louis. Louis rolled his eyes, “Shush.”</p><p>“It’s just … the one thing I couldn’t emulate was when he started dating girls,” Harry took a sharp breath in, his eyes never flickering away from Louis, “When I was about eleven years old, I knew there was something different about me. Eli had asked me once, out of the blue while he had been going through a break-up, ‘Who’s your dream girl?’ My answer was simple but vague. Fluffy hair, bright eyes, funny. His was more complex; he would name a celebrity, or sulk over his ex,” he chuckled to himself at that, and Louis found himself doing the same; his soul had never been more connected with Harry until now. Harry cleared his throat, placing one foot on top the other, “When he asked me that question, I couldn’t even imagine myself as someone who would marry anyone at all…”</p><p>“For years since then, I have always known I would never look at girls the way he did, the way my friends did. It was rough; knowing that a girl had a crush on you, <em>wanting</em> and <em>wishing</em> you liked them back for their sake’s, to fit in with your peers, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I would date a girl, it felt like they were simply a friend, someone I could go to for advice, but I never felt that connection you feel when you truly love someone. Those relationships didn’t last long, as you can imagine.”</p><p>“Oh my god is he—”</p><p>“Shut up!” Laura punched Genesis’ arm roughly, her eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>“As high school went by, I continued on my path of realization. I began to notice boys in a different way; the way they smiled, the way they laughed at something, how they would light up when they talked about something funny, the way he—they would move their hair out of their eyes, those tiny, little details, down to how their cheekbones glimmered in the sunlight just right. I never gave girls a second glance. I confused wanting a friendship with a girl as a crush for the longest time, until I realized that feeling would go away almost instantly when they showed a more romantic interest. It made me realize something big.”</p><p>Harry swallowed thickly, his eyes scanning the room for the first time since he began his spiel. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for him to say what everyone knew he was about to say.</p><p>“I’m not going to become Elijah, for many different reasons, of course; we’re both special and unique in our own way, and I’m happy about it. But I will never like girls in the way he does. I will bever be able to gossip and giggle at cute girls at the park with my friends. Because I’m not wired that way.”</p><p>Pastor Thomas turned on his heel, exiting the room without a second’s hesitation. Harry noticed, stuttering over himself before continuing.</p><p>“Uh—um, G-God made us all in His perfect image, He already has a plan for all of us. Mine just so happens to have the word “gay” in the mix of all the other things God has granted me; a loving family, a place to call home, a big brother and the little sister I always wanted.”</p><p>Louis saw Anna wave at him from the front row, and he couldn’t see it, but he knew already she had the biggest grin on her face.</p><p>“So yes, I am gay. It’s not who I am as a person; it is simply a part of my identity. I am still the same guy who loves to sing for y’all, who loves school and can stay up all night re-reading <em>Harry Potter</em>, the one who wants to pursue theology, who starts celebrating Christmas a month too early. You may think I am young, and you’re right, I am. But now, in this moment, as I have been for years, I am gay. I’ve just struggled to accept it. I don’t anymore. God loves me for who I am and being gay is what He decided for me. I just have to accept it.”</p><p>Before Louis could register it, before he could make out the frantic words around him, he stood from his chair, along with a couple of others. But unlike them, he started walking in the aisle, towards the stage. His pace quickened, ignoring the shouts from his father, the tug on his arm by Laura, the slurs being spit out of the older people’s mouths, he ignored it all and bolted up the steps, barely registering Harry there when he took the mic from his hands and said, “Yeah, me too. And we’re dating.”</p><p>He felt his fingers weaken as he dropped the mic onto the carpeted stage, turning to Harry and pulling him in. He gripped his waist, Harry’s vibrating fingers pressed against his face, as he fervidly kissed Harry in front of God and nearly half of Hamper. He could still feel Harry shaking as he squeezed his arms around him, holding him tighter than he could ever remember doing before.</p><p>The frantic, disgusted yells of more than half the crowd, the dramatic gasps from the elderly, the joyous cheers from Laura and Genesis and a couple others blurred in their minds. The world was still, their hearts thumping overpoweringly in their chests as they broke their kiss, just staring at each other with awe and amazement and pride, because Harry <em>did that</em>. He made Hamper, Texas lose their shit.</p><p>Nothing, nothing could compare to this kiss. Not even their first kiss so long ago in the choir room, not the kisses they shared after arguing or after making love or after laughing so hard they cried. Nothing compared to this. This was the only kiss that ever mattered.</p><p>Tears streamed down Harry’s red cheeks, the faintest smile etched on his face as he whispered amongst the melodramatic chaos, “Here we go.”</p><p>“Here we go,” Louis echoed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. WHAT WE'VE BECOME</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A sweltering, angry welt formed on Louis’ face, his ears ringing. Laura was sobbing in the corner of the dining room, their stepmother nowhere to be seen for the past hour.</p><p>“How fucking <em>dare you</em> disrespect this family! How dare you!” Louis’ father yelled, his voice shaking the entire house, reverberating against the walls, “You dare disrespect me in the house of God, in front of everyone? You actively choose to disobey God, and you decide to corrupt poor Thomas’ son while you’re at it?!”</p><p>Louis didn’t have the will to physically fight back, to point out it was Harry who made the speech in the first place. He didn’t have the energy to argue, to be snarky in some way.</p><p>The moment Louis had stepped into the house after walking back home from church, he was being thrown around, his body used as a punching bag for his father’s amusement. He barely had time to register his father’s anger emanating from his body before his face was smashed into one of the picture frames that hung on the wall. The dizziness in his mind hasn’t stopped since.</p><p>Blow after blow, punch after punch, they never seemed to cease. He could taste blood and bile in his mouth, his ears ringing as he scarcely picked up on what his father was screaming. He was on the ground, shivering and disoriented.</p><p>“Dad, please, stop!” Laura wailed, cringing into herself when Louis’ father kicked a crumpled Louis in the face, breaking his nose. He could hear the crunch of his cartilage as he gasped, hands racing to cover his nose, agony flooding his senses. His voice was far too gone to cry out in pain.</p><p>“I will <em>not</em> have a fag living here, do you understand me? I <em>refuse </em>to have a queer son. I should’ve known,” his voice was frantic almost, so tense, seething in poison, “You were always so different than the others. So needy, so emotional. Never had male friends, never expressed an interest in manly things, played dress up with Laura’s clothes … I should have known.”</p><p>Louis’ heart ached to fight back, to defend himself in some manner, no matter how pathetic it would sound coming out of his blood-encased mouth. Because, <em>no</em>, that wasn’t true, <em>no</em>, those things didn’t <em>make</em> him gay, he was needy because he was a <em>child</em>, emotional because he never learned how to express his feelings properly. He had a counterattack for every word his father spewed, and yet his lips stayed sealed, his heart bleeding in inconsolable agony, his eyes fluttering shut as he took the verbal hits.</p><p>“I never want to see you step foot in this house ever again,” his father spit at Louis, stomping on his side, Louis groaning pitifully, “I cannot have an abomination for a son, I won’t let you poison this family any longer. I want you gone.”</p><p>It shouldn’t have hurt so much to hear, after all the times his father belittled him to nothing; he expected this all to happen. But to hear his own flesh and blood disown him from pure selfishness was more excruciating than he could have ever realized, could have ever imagined.</p><p>Because a small part of him loved his dad, truth be told. Even as his father booted his gut, even as the bile rose in his throat, he still felt the faintest of love for him. He had the tiniest bit of hope that his father would come around, would love Louis in the way he had stupidly always craved for him to. Perhaps it was why he became such a “delinquent” as he got older, constantly trying to get his dad’s attention at any chance he got.</p><p>He supposed that idea was thrown out the window now, the damage inflicted on his heart irreversible, the overwhelming disappointment in his father’s heart thickly scarred beyond repair. The hole in his heart from the lack of parental love was gaping, wide, burning his soul.</p><p>His father kicked him in the face again, Louis’ hand blocking the impact but not enough to prevent more damage to his face, and now his hand. He let out a weakened cry, his throat constricting from the lump lodged there.</p><p>“Leave him alone!” Laura screamed, rising from her crouched position on the floor to help Louis up. Louis heard a smack and then a cry from Laura as his father screamed back, “Don’t you go near him!”</p><p>Louis saw red as he spit a mixture of bile and blood from his mouth. His eyes darkened, slapping his hand on the back of one of the dining chairs as he forced himself to stand, a new burst of adrenaline and <em>hatred</em> clouding his mind, his fists clenched at his sides as he faced his stone-cold, heartless father.</p><p>“Fuck you!” Louis found balance on his feet. Laura held her face tenderly as Louis ravaged against his father, pushing at his shoulders roughly and getting in his face, despite his entire body screaming <em>what the fuck</em>, “Don’t you fucking touch her, you piece of shit! Hit me all you want, use me as a fucking doormat, but don’t you lay a hand on my sister.”</p><p>Louis threw a solid punch to his father’s eye, startling both him and his father, and suddenly he was grateful he had packed everything he needed this morning, “My shit’s already packed, you garbage excuse of a human being. You can bet your ass I’m never coming back, but if you ever even <em>think</em> of laying a hand on Laura ever again, I will kill you, motherfucker,” Louis seethed, “I will <em>fucking</em> kill you.”</p><p>As if on cue, his stepmother began to throw the multiple bags Louis had packed down the stairs, the bags bouncing off one another before hitting the ground with a heavy thump. Limping, he made his way towards the pile, struggling to pick up most of the bags. His previous burst of energy was short-lived, stars forming in his eyes as he strained his body to the thick front door. Laura ran to his side, hiccupping and choking on sobs as she picked up the remaining two bags. Louis passed her his keys feebly, “Drive the truck.”</p><p>“I’ll call Anna, let her know we’re coming,” Laura opened the door, staring at their parents as their father sat limply in one of the dining chairs, pale and—quite literally—struck into silence. Their stepmother held onto her husband’s shoulder tightly, her lips pursed and her eyes scowling at the two as they rushed outside, slamming the door behind them.</p><p>“I don’t think I’d be allowed over at this point,” he garbled on saliva as Laura helped walk him towards the truck. It dawned on him that he had no idea how Harry was holding up, if he was being reamed at in this moment, if he was totally fine, if he was in the same shape as Louis was.</p><p>He produced fresh tears at the thought of Harry being hurt in any way, his baby being struck down and beaten. His fists tightened in pure rage at the thought of Thomas putting his hands on him.</p><p>“Where do you want this stuff?” Laura shook violently, battling against her panic as she held the keys in one hand, bags looped around her shoulders.</p><p>“Throw them in the bed,” Louis winced as he lifted his arms, pushing everything he held into the bed of the truck, not caring nor having the verve to lay the bags flat; he needed to get the hell away from here as quickly as possible.</p><p>“’K,” Laura threw the two bags she had with the three others in the truck, then ran to Louis’ side, helping him lay down in the back seat. She opened her phone after getting into the driver’s seat, slamming the door as she hastily pushed the contact name “Anna”.</p><p>Balancing the phone on her lap, she started the car, reversing out of the driveway a bit recklessly. The tires squealed against the pavement as she turned the steering wheel straight, racing down the road.</p><p>“Laur? What’s up?” Anna’s voice sounded from the speaker phone. Laura let out a wobbly breath she was holding in as Louis grimaced from all the wild turns she was making, his nausea and headache worsening.</p><p>“Louis—he’s—he’s in bad shape,” Laura choked, glancing at Louis’ limp figure in the rearview mirror as she made a sharp turn onto another road, “I can’t take care of him on my own.”</p><p>“Okay, hold on—Harry, shut up for a second, where’s mom?” Anna asked away from the phone. The name “Harry” repeated in Louis’ brain like a broken record, like a mantra of sorts; <em>Harry, Harry, Harry</em>.</p><p>“Anna? I’m here, I’m parked in the front,” Laura stopped the truck with a screeching halt, Louis’ body flinging forward before rolling back onto his side. He groaned at the pain in his hand from the impact as Laura whispered, eyes leaking, “Sorry, Lou.”</p><p>“We’re coming outside, we can’t bring him in, Harry’s already—never mind,” Anna hung up the phone abruptly. Laura tapped her fingers on the steering wheel anxiously before turning around in her seat to face Louis, patience running thin, her hair blocking her eyes as she assured him, “I’ll be right back, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Louis echoed, exhaustion taking over his body as he heard the door slam shut, his eyes closing.</p><p>Harry and Anna barely managed to close the front door in their haste, running full speed to the truck. Laura was stood in front of the truck, her hands resting on her knees as she dry heaved.</p><p>“It’s so bad, so bad,” Laura gagged, hiccupping.</p><p>“Laur, breathe,” Anna consoled her friend as Harry pushed past them, opening the door to the back seat. He held in a sob as he saw Louis’ disgruntled figure, blood and bruises seeming to cover every inch of his body.</p><p>Louis’ face was swollen, his eyes blackening by the second thanks to the broken nose. Open wounds littered his exposed skin, presumably from Louis’ father’s wedding ring. His nose was gushing red, soaking the top of his hoodie, and his right hand was turning black from the punch he gave his father, but mostly from trying to block his ruthless beating. It appeared as if he was bleeding everywhere, a dark, wet spot that was only growing wider in circumference on his thigh. Harry shuddered to think what the damage looked like underneath his clothes.</p><p>“Darling, baby, I’m here,” Harry crawled into the seat, lifting Louis’ upper body with unsteady hands so he could sit down, resting his head into his lap, hands shaking, “Oh my God, oh my God.”</p><p>Louis parted his chapped lips, fatigue covering his body like a warm blanket, his voice raspy as he mumbled, “H.”</p><p>“I’ve got you,” Harry furiously wiped away the tears falling down his cheeks with his sleeve, his eyes darting frenetically over Louis’ features, “Shit, Louis, this is … I … okay, okay, shit,” he attempted to compose himself for Louis’ sake while he spun away from him for a second, facing the girls, “He needs a hospital, like right now.”</p><p>Laura pulled herself together, tears streaming down her face, hyperventilating, “What the <em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>Anna strayed from Laura, looking over her hunched figure at Louis’ fetal position in the back seat, eyes set, “We need to stop the bleeding from his nose. Does he have any napkins in his car?”</p><p>Harry blinked rapidly, “Yeah, the glovebox,” he muttered, frustrated, “We need to fucking go, Anna.”</p><p>Anna ignored her frantic brother for a moment, placing a cool hand on Laura’s back, “Laura, hey, can you drive?”</p><p>Laura peered up at her through her tear-clumped eyelashes, taking in a shaky breath, “Yes, yes.”</p><p>“Harry’s gonna pop a blood vessel if we don’t leave right now.”</p><p>“Anna!” Harry shouted, teeth chattering from the cold and panic, “Laura, come on!”</p><p>Both girls got into the front seats, Laura starting the car and speeding off before anyone could finish putting their seatbelt on. Anna calmly grabbed a stack of brown napkins from the glovebox, reaching her arm behind her to give to Harry. He tapped Louis’ cheekbone, voice wavering, “Lou, I have to stop the bleeding from your nose. T-Tilt your face up, that’s it, good.”</p><p>He carefully placed some of the bunched-up napkins on his gushing nose, tilting Louis’ head up as much as he could, fat tears dropping from his chin as Louis raised his hand, holding onto Harry’s clammy one, bringing it down to the side of his body so he didn’t have to keep his arm up. His eyes glittered up at Harry, whimpering quietly, “It hurts.”</p><p>Harry had never seen Louis so beaten down, so fragile and small. He wanted to wrap him up in a ball, wanted to hold him so badly but didn’t want to risk hurting him anymore than he already was, as if one small touch could bruise him more.</p><p>“I know, I know,” Harry bent down, kissing Louis’ forehead tenderly.</p><p>Harry flew forward at a sudden stop at a red light, grasping onto Louis with one arm, bloody napkins clutched in his hand, and used his other hand to keep himself from hitting the back of Anna’s seat. He discarded the soaked paper to the floor carelessly as he grabbed more napkins, twisting the ends to gently push into Louis’ nose. Louis winced at the awkward feeling of paper there, attempting to relax his face. He could taste and feel the liquid drip down the back of his throat, cringing.</p><p>“Please be okay,” Harry uttered stupidly while biting his quivering lips, tasting the salty tears that consistently flowed off his face. If he hadn’t been trying to stay as calm as possible, he may have thrown up from the overwhelming disarray and disorder of the whole situation.</p><p>“He’ll be okay, Harry,” Anna assured him, pulling out her phone for directions, directing her voice toward Laura, “The nearest hospital is 20 minutes away.”</p><p>“20 minutes!?” Harry squawked, losing what little composure he had, “He’s gonna bleed out before then!”</p><p>“Harry, calm down, he’s not gonna bleed out,” Anna was stern yet composed, and if this situation were any different, Harry may have been impressed by her ability to remain calm, “You’re only making things worse by freaking out.”</p><p>He took a deep breath in, struggling to keep his breathing steady. He screwed his eyes shut, reciting in his head, <em>he’s gonna be okay, he’s gonna be okay, he’s gonna be okay</em>.</p><p>“Okay, okay, shit, sorry,” Harry looked down at Louis, his eyes closed, breathing slowly, “Louis, angel, please stay awake.”</p><p>“I’m so tired,” Louis slurred, his eyes fluttering open and closed. Harry choked back a sob before replying, “I know, but you can’t fall asleep.”</p><p>“It’s actually … a myth … that people who suffer … from head trauma … can’t fall asleep … or else they’ll die …” Louis struggled to speak, his words incoherent and heavy on his mouth, the excess of blood and spit in his mouth not helping. Of course, Louis would be a smart ass while suffering. It almost made Harry chuckle.</p><p>“I don’t want to test that theory, good with you?” Harry licked his wet lips, tasting the salt. Louis opened his eyes, looking at Harry, “Okay.”</p><p>It was surreal that even in this moment, Louis was still so beautiful. His blue eyes cut through the dried blood on his face like glass, tugging at Harry’s heartstrings as he prolonged eye contact, not looking away even when Laura slammed on the breaks once again, profusely apologizing as Anna attempted to calm her down.</p><p>“So pretty,” Louis muttered, his eyes dazed, the smallest of smiles on his face. It amazed Harry how, even in the most pain Louis’ ever felt in his life, he can still manage to smile, no matter how small.</p><p>“Says you,” Harry hated this small talk. He wanted to be at the hospital already, getting Louis checked in, knowing that he would be okay. But it kept his mind from racing, knew that it was helping Louis to not freak out, because if he started freaking out then Harry was sure everyone in the car would follow, more so than they already are.</p><p>It was also keeping Louis awake, which was the most important thing Harry was concerned about in the moment, whether what Louis said was true about the whole thing.</p><p>“How are you?” Louis barely whispered selflessly, the exhaustion taking over quickly. Harry frowned, “Don’t worry about me. ‘m fine.”</p><p>“Okay,” even Louis’ voice was tired, his vocal cords so weak that his sentences were shortening.</p><p>“Close?” Louis asked. Harry furrowed his eyebrows for a millisecond before realizing what he was trying to say, “Anna, how close are we?”</p><p>“Just a few more minutes, keep him awake,” Anna instructed. Harry nodded, looking back down at Louis, who was <em>still</em> staring at him, as if the curly-headed boy were his lifeline, like if he were to look away, his heart would drop.</p><p>“Where does it hurt, Lou?” Harry knew that was a stupid question to ask when Louis replied, “Everywhere,” but he needed to keep Louis awake. He <em>had</em> to.</p><p>“Okay, um, okay, did you get everything packed at your place or do we have to go back and get some stuff?” Harry assumed he had been kicked out. It wasn’t a bad assumption to make; he knew Louis’ family quite well, it was expected.</p><p>“Yeah, bed,” Louis tried to explain more, but his head lolled on Harry’s knee which panicked him even more.</p><p>“No, no, don’t go to bed,” anxious tears ran down Harry’s face, “Come on, baby, we’re almost there.”</p><p>“Sleep,” Louis clung onto Harry’s hand, more tears dripping down over the bridge of his nose, stinging the cut in his cheek.</p><p>Harry was running out of things to talk about, the band that suppressed his panic ripping apart, his heart beating so thickly he could feel it in his face. He squeezed Louis’ shoulder, rubbing his hand up and down his arm.</p><p>“Hold,” Louis’ voice cracked, his body shivering, “Me.”</p><p>Harry hesitated, “I don’t wanna hurt you—”</p><p>“Please,” Louis whispered, blinking rapidly, “Cold.”</p><p>A warm embrace captured Louis as he instinctively brough his knees up closer to his chest. He could feel Harry’s uneven breaths against the skin of his neck, sobs escaping his lips. There was so much he wanted to say, wanted to calm Harry down, wanted to berate Laura for driving recklessly, wanted to thank Anna for the napkins, wanted to express his embarrassment of how he looked, but <em>this</em>, Harry’s warmth, Harry’s undying love, his touch, his wet kisses, it’s all he needed, for there was no reason to speak then.</p><p>“H,” Louis’ eyes glistened with tears. Harry breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly, “Yes, yes?”</p><p>“Love you,” Louis <em>winked</em>, he winked at Harry and made him blush all over.</p><p>“I love you too, so much, so much,” Harry ducked his head down, touching Louis’ ever-so softly, “My good old-fashioned lover boy.”</p><p>Laura made a screeching right turn into the ER parking lot, parking horribly in the closest spot she could find. Harry let go of Louis and dragged his knuckles against Louis’ cheekbone just barely, “We’re here, can you stand?”</p><p>“Mm,” Louis closed his eyes, Harry’s heart beating faster at the sight, “No, no, stay awake,” Harry shook his head as tears dropped from his chin onto Louis, “Please, please stay awake.”</p><p>Louis doesn’t remember much after that.</p><p>. . .</p><p>His body was rigid, numbed pain encompassing him as he fluttered his eyes open. The bright fluorescent lights assaulted his vision immediately, “Ow?”</p><p>Harry shot straight up from the chair he was resting in, eyes flickering all over Louis’ body, tear stains present on his blotched cheeks, “Louis?”</p><p>Louis looked down at himself. A dark blue cast covered his right hand and forearm, the only signature so far from Harry, which was a simple “H” with a heart. He already planned on making Genny and Laura and Anna sign his cast, forcing them if he had to.</p><p>The rest of his body was covered by thin hospital blankets and a gown, but he could feel where the main injuries were; the left side of his body was throbbing, as was his face. He felt something heavy on his nose, assuming it was a cast. An IV was stuck in his other arm, which was an odd feeling as he bent it and watched the bag full of fluids stop moving, before retracting his arm and feeling the cool liquid enter his bloodstream. He felt like he was squinting as he looked at Harry.</p><p>His Harry. His stunning, devoted Harry who had to see Louis in such a disfigured way. It brought tears to his eyes to think that he caused Harry so much pain and it wasn’t even his fault.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Louis whimpered. Harry’s eyes widened, bewildered that that’s the first thing Louis has to say. He grasps at Louis’ good hand.</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be hurt because of me,” Louis couldn’t remember a time where he was so vulnerable in his life.</p><p>“Oh, baby,” Harry cooed, pressing a shivering kiss to his now-clean forehead, “I’m sad because <em>you’re</em> hurt. I can’t help but feel like … feel like it’s my fault somehow.”</p><p>“Harry,” Louis deadpanned, “We both agreed to come out. Besides, it was you who did the super eloquent speech. It was me who ran up on stage and outed myself.”</p><p>“Yeah, I did all the hard work, didn’t I?” Harry rolled his eyes, attempting to suppress a smile. It felt so good to see Louis be himself. He never wanted to go through what he went through ever again, even if it had only been a couple hours of it. He could barely stand the car ride.</p><p>“Yes, you did,” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand, “So proud of you, always.”</p><p>“Thank you. Proud of you too, you know?” Harry smiled sheepishly, a blush crawling up from his chest to his face. Louis reddened when Harry leaned over, pressing a soft, tiny kiss to his forehead.</p><p>“How … how are you doing?” Louis whispered, tilting his head slightly to look at Harry, to catch the faltering of his face before it fell into a solemn expression.</p><p>“I’m okay. Haven’t seen dad yet, but mom took it surprisingly well. Said she still loves me, blah blah blah,” Harry chuckled uncomfortably, “Anna apparently always knew. Observant, that one.”</p><p>“Good, I’m glad,” Louis wrung his hands together, “Your dad will come around.”</p><p>“Doubt it,” Harry blurted. Louis furrowed his eyebrows, his lips in a frown, “Don’t say that, baby. Where’s your unfaltering, disgusting hope that you always provide?”</p><p>“I’m optimistic, yeah,” Harry shuffled his body closer to Louis’ leg, “But I’m also realistic. My father is stubborn. We barely see eye to eye as it is, I’m not expecting much from him.”</p><p>“Maybe I’m being delusional right now, but …” he looked around the room, trying to find the words, “He loves you, <em>so much</em>, he wouldn’t want you out of his life simply because you l-love a boy.”</p><p>“Perhaps you’re right,” Harry would’ve argued, but he was mentally exhausted at that point, simply ready for Louis to be discharged so he could properly hold him, properly kiss him, show him how much he means to him, “I’m so glad you’re okay, my strong, lovely boy.”</p><p>Louis grinned at that—well, grinned as much as he could, seeing as his nose was aching. Harry brushed a tear from his face he didn’t know was there, chuckling at Louis’ surprise.</p><p>“Coming out of the closet has made us soft,” Louis joked, “How am I supposed to keep my reputation up now?”</p><p>Harry laughed at that, wiping some stray tears from his face, “What reputation? That you sneak alcohol into church and have a short temper?”</p><p>“Excuse me, I’ll have you know everyone is afraid of me. I’m very scary,” Louis pointed to himself, “You think this is bad? You should have seen the other guy.”</p><p>The tension became apparent when Harry sucked on his teeth, turning away. Louis opened his mouth to say something, before closing it again.</p><p>“What did he … <em>do</em>?” Harry whispered as if anyone else was in the room, as if he didn’t really want to hear it—because he didn’t, but something in him needed to know. Louis leaned back on the plastic pillow behind him, sighing deeply.</p><p>“Right as I walked into the door, he slammed me against the wall, and just went at it, worse than he’s ever done before—” Louis stopped abruptly when Harry broke down into quiet sobs, grasping Louis’ hand with both of his, squeezing it as if Louis’ touch gave him comfort. In a way, it did.</p><p>“Baby, don’t cry, it’s over, it’s over and done with, see? I’m okay now, all patched up,” Louis tried to grin, but the ache in his nose was unbearable now, instead wincing. It made Harry cry harder.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry, I just hate seeing you like this,” Harry hiccupped, “But y-you’re right, it’s over.”</p><p>“It’s over,” Louis repeated. Harry brought Louis’ hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle gently. He glanced back at Louis, his eyes twinkling. The sight melted Louis’ heart.</p><p>“Did you know, you have the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen,” Louis quipped. Harry giggled, a bit confused.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“I love your eyes. Sometimes, they look like they could be blue, but then you surprise me and wear something that makes the green pop, and I fall in love with you all over again.”</p><p>“You’re so weird,” Harry bit his lip, unable to suppress the growing blush on his cheeks.</p><p>“And, the way you love me so deeply, so passionately, I’ll never be able to handle it, never feel like I deserve it,” Louis felt small, if only for a moment. Harry shook his head, “You deserve all the love.”</p><p>Louis kept going, “Your smile is so gorgeous, you know? You could be a model or something, and not a catalogue model, like a real model.”</p><p>“Catalogue models are real models, Louis,” Harry deadpanned, chuckling wetly.</p><p>“That’s a debate for another day,” Louis smirked, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s knuckles, “Your hands are so warm. So cozy. I love your hands. Especially when they’re squeezing and bruising into my hips—”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Harry fully laughed at that, “I get it now, thank you. I thought I was supposed to be the one making you feel better?”</p><p>“You’re doing a great job just by standing here and looking pretty,” Louis noted. Harry rolled his eyes, a face-splitting grin on his face. It proved Louis’ point, “Yep, feeling better already.”</p><p>They sat in silence for a long while, Louis resting the side of his head to stare at Harry full-on. Harry had his eyes closed, leaning into Louis’ open hand. His touch would forever bring him peace.</p><p>“So, tell me, Doc,” Louis spoke up after a few minutes, “What’s the damage?”</p><p>Harry frowned, but told him anyway, “Broken nose, broken hand and forearm—double whammy—and some stitches on your side and one on your cheek.”</p><p>“Did you just say, ‘double whammy’? How old are you, 40?” Louis teased, poking at Harry’s dimple. Harry blinked a few times before responding, “Leave me alone. I’m trying to make light of this.”</p><p>Louis smiled faintly at that, a blush forming on his face, “Kiss me?”</p><p>“Doctor’s orders,” Harry leaned forward, brushing his lips carefully across Louis’. Louis pressed a little harder, wary of his nose. When they broke the kiss, Louis exhaled dramatically, content.</p><p>“I’m cured.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>The doctor ordered for Louis to keep his cast on his arm for a month and a half, and to avoid doing any heavy labor until his nose was healed. Thankfully, his nose wasn’t as serious, and he was able to have the cast removed three weeks later. His stitches had also been removed, the tiniest of scars left on his cheek. He wouldn’t admit it, but he became self-conscious whenever Harry would stare at him like he was his entire world, knowing that he could see the flaw on his skin, knowing he wouldn’t be able to rid of it—at least, not anytime soon.</p><p>During those three weeks and afterwards, he stayed couped up in his car, parked near the meadow field that he had originally planned to stay at. He still had a job with Jerry (“I can’t fire you for choosing to be gay, Louis. And you’re a good employee, anyway. It’d be a waste to let you go.” Jerry’s wording irked him slightly, but he wasn’t about to argue against keeping his job.) In the meantime, Harry visited him constantly, happy to be out of his house that only held tension and resentment thanks to Pastor Thomas.</p><p>“I haven’t been back at church since, you know,” Harry muttered randomly as they laid in the field together, surrounded by hundreds of wildflowers that blew in the New Year breeze. Louis shot him a look, stunned.</p><p>Harry had never missed a day of church in his life. Even when he was sick as a dog, he would sit in Thomas’ office and listen through the walls as his father’s voice boomed through the entire building. Unlike Louis, the church was a huge portion of his life; he looked forward to every Sunday to sing with the choir, to revel in God’s word and feel his spirits’ lift. It helped him become positive for the week ahead, to look forward to seeing his sassy, snarky, trouble-making boy, no matter what troubled him, whether it was an upcoming exam or a disagreement with his father.</p><p>“You didn’t go on Christmas, even?” Louis turned to his side, placing his cool palm onto Harry’s red cheek. Harry shook his head, distraught.</p><p>Christmas time was the only time Louis actually enjoyed being at church, not to mention it was also Harry’s favorite time of year. Not that church was completely unbearable; he got to be serenaded by Harry every week, all his attention on him, his ego boosted. But something about Christmas made Louis feel warm all over. Perhaps it was the children’s nativity play produced by the local high school teacher that little Harry had convinced little Louis to be apart of several years ago (to his dismay, except he ended up enjoying it more than he let on). Or maybe the lighting ceremony at the very end of the service, when Harry would stand next to him and secretly hold his hand as Genesis would tease him about how red in the face he would get, despite always holding Harry’s hand.</p><p>See, Harry’s touch would never get old. Even before they started dating officially, Louis could feel the electric spark course through his veins (cliché, but true) whenever Harry would clap him on the shoulder after he said something funny, or when he swung Louis around after he got accepted into college, or when Harry would surprise Louis at his locker during their high school days and hug him from behind, his hands resting on his stomach, sending butterflies up to his throat, paralyzing his vocal cords (the clichés just keep coming, huh?)</p><p>But nothing, <em>nothing</em> would ever top the first time they laid together, cozy in Louis’ fluffy bed, inexperienced hands trailing up each other’s sides, not knowing how to please the other, eyes blown out in lust and eternal affection for one another, the way Harry’s hands slipped underneath his waistband, feeling, tender in their exploration. Soft murmurs, impatient longing, trepidation in their sounds, wet lips dragging down throats and skin smacked against flushed skin, immense pleasure radiated in their veins, a throaty whine, a satisfying finish. Nothing could compare, would <em>ever</em> compare.</p><p>Louis blinked the evocative memory away, a more pressing issue taking over his mind as Harry spoke up after a brief silence.</p><p>“No, why bother? The tension is overwhelming. It’s not a safe space for me anymore. It hurts, yeah, but I still spend my Sunday mornings in prayer, nothing’s changed much. <em>And</em>, to top it all off, dad kicked me out of the choir, disbanded the … band. And I assumed you wouldn’t be there anyway, so.”</p><p>One thing struck Louis’ core from the rambled sentence, “He can’t do that—he, he can’t kick you out. You’re been in the choir for—for forever!”</p><p>“Well, he did. Didn’t even bother to tell me in person, I had to hear it from mom,” Harry sighed, annoyed, “It’s whatever.”</p><p>“It’s not ‘whatever’, it’s bullshit. He should be fighting for you—”</p><p>“He’s not gonna fight for his gay son, Louis!” Harry’s eyes welled with thick tears, voice cracking, lungs burning as he digressed, “He’ll never fight for me. His fatherly duties only go so far. I’m no longer his perfect, obedient Christian son. I went off his carefully designed plan and that’s it, no second chance, no redemption, he won’t even look at me, he’s barely home, I haven’t eaten dinner with him in weeks, he hates me, God hates me—”</p><p>Harry collapsed into Louis’ open embrace, sobbing, the agony in his heart too heavy. His cries were muffled in the crook of Louis’ neck, tears wetting the skin. Louis breathed in deeply, emitting a sigh, “God still loves you, H. He’ll always love you … what’s that one verse? The one about him loving us, or something.”</p><p>“There’s a lot that talk about God’s love, Lou,” Harry almost deadpanned, except his voice was more sad than sarcastic. Louis pet the back of Harry’s head, “Yeah, but the one where he gave his only son—”</p><p>“’For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life’, John 3:16,” Harry sputtered weakly, “That has nothing to do with Him loving gay people.”</p><p>“But didn’t God know about all of us before we were even born? Before we were even fathomed to exist?” Louis attempted to console him, “He gave his only son with <em>all of us</em> in mind, and that includes you. He loves you, Harry. He planned out your life before you were even conceived, and like you said in your speech, He created you in His image. You being gay is a small part of who you are, as you said, a small part that God loves equally to all the other wonderful things that make up you.”</p><p>Harry was stunned into silence for a moment before leaning his upper body up, looking at Louis with awe, “I didn’t know you thought like that.”</p><p>“I pay attention sometimes, especially to things that concern you,” Louis smiled warmly before pushing Harry onto his back, straddling his hips and leaning over, hands pressed on both sides of his head, staring at him intently “Listen to me—look at me,” he placed his fingers lightly onto Harry’s tear-covered chin, facing him, “Fuck what Thomas thinks of you, how he perceives you. What do you think of you?”</p><p>“I think I’ve failed.”</p><p>“Who have you failed? What have you failed at?” Louis genuinely asked, “You haven’t failed anyone. You haven’t failed anything. You have done your best, which is all anyone can ask of you.”</p><p>“I think …” Harry was scared to admit it, “I don’t think I’m enough anymore.”</p><p>Without hesitation, Louis counteracted him, “You are enough. You will always <em>be</em> enough, for me, for our friends, for your family—”</p><p>“Not for my dad—”</p><p>“He hasn’t seen your potential yet,” Louis placed a quick kiss to Harry’s nose, his tone softer, “I can’t speak for everyone, so I won’t. But to me? You are worth every tear, every breath, every kiss, every ache, you are enough for me, you are more than enough for me. Every single fucking day I wake up in my stuffy-ass car and the first thing I think of is you. I love the way you never stop loving me, even when I’m being a pain in the ass. I see how dedicated you are to your studies, and I am in constant awe of your motivation to get the hell out of Hamper. You haven’t <em>failed</em> me; more importantly, you haven’t failed yourself, not ever. I go through each day and not once do I think, ‘God, Harry is such a bother, such a pain,’ because you’ve never made me feel that way. I’m kinda going off on a tangent here, but if anything, listen to this, and keep it close to your heart; don’t think for a <em>second</em> that you’re a failure, that you’re unworthy, that you’re not enough, because you’re everything to me.”</p><p>With a broken sob, Harry pulled Louis’ head down, fingers intertwined in his hair as he placed a feverish kiss to his lips, his trembling hands moving down to caress Louis’ face as Louis pressed his body against Harry’s, arms wrapping around his middle.</p><p>Louis whispered against Harry’s lips, repeating, “You are everything to me.”</p><p>Harry rushed his hands to Louis’ back, feeling the defined muscles beneath his fingertips, pressing Louis’ body impossibly closer, “I’m so tired of crying, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t ever apologize for feeling emotions, H. Crying is good for the soul,” Louis kissed Harry’s forehead tenderly, rolling onto his back and taking Harry with him.</p><p>Harry sat up, resting against Louis’ hips, wiping at his face with a wet chuckle, “I didn’t know you could be such a sap.”</p><p>“Only when my boy is doubting himself,” Louis pushed Harry’s shirt up under his arms, dragging his fingers down his toned stomach before resting them on the dips of his waist, “How can someone so beautiful not see their worth?”</p><p>“I know you love me,” Harry looked up at the sky as Louis sat up, Harry moving down to Louis’ thighs as Louis placed soft, wet kisses up Harry’s abdomen, “I don’t mean to doubt those kinds of things.”</p><p>Louis wrapped his mouth around one of Harry’s nipples, sending a shiver down Harry’s spine, a moan escaping his lips. He squeezed his waist, flicking his tongue before blowing on the erect pink skin, “It’s human to doubt things. That didn’t come out how I wanted it to, but you get the gist.”</p><p>Harry’s laughed turned into an airy gasp when Louis brought his fingers to his other nipple, rubbing slowly as his mouth worked on the sensitive one, “Make me feel so good.”</p><p>“Mm,” Louis hummed against him, sliding his hands up and down Harry’s body. Harry looked down, Louis’ fringe covering his face. He pushed the hair back, fingers carding through the honey-brown, “Let me make you feel good?”</p><p>Louis tilted his head back, eyes glistening in the sunlight, bright, “Has all this sad talk made you horny?”</p><p>Harry swatted at Louis’ shoulder, “I hate that word and you know it.”</p><p>“What would you rather me say? Turned on? Concupiscent?”</p><p>“Concupiscent—?” Harry was cut off by the sudden movement of his hips being dragged back to Louis’ crotch, who rolled into his groin, “I don’t—didn’t know you knew such big words.”</p><p>“Shush, stop ruining the mood,” Louis brought Harry’s head down, capturing his lips in a quick kiss before detaching, “Your sadness turns me on.”</p><p>Harry threw his head back, laughing loudly, “That’s awful!”</p><p>Louis chuckled, laying back down completely, spreading his legs wide before wrapping them around Harry’s middle, “I kid, I kid. Now, give me the attention I deserve.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>The complaints that Jerry received about Louis’ performance had never been higher.</p><p>Suddenly, everything Louis did was wrong. He had apparently failed to fix a client’s a/c, which resulted in a berating session from said client in front of all his co-workers—embarrassing, to say the least. Later that same week, a usual client of his suddenly hated everything he had done to the car and demanded a refund for the repairs, even when Jerry had inspected it and claimed everything was working properly. Thankfully, Jerry didn’t take it out on Louis, and he wondered if it was only because his birthday was at the end of the week, which was now today (and Jerry had graciously given him the day and weekend off). At least, that was the only explanation he could come up with.</p><p>Not only was today Louis’ birthday, but it was also Harry’s birthday. The day they had discovered they shared a birthday was in 1<sup>st</sup> grade, when little Harry had gingerly invited little Louis to his birthday party. Louis had to decline (despite <em>really</em> wanting to go), because he was having his birthday party the same day. At first, it bothered Louis that his birthday was no longer unique to him, but he quickly realized how <em>fun</em> it was to have a combined birthday party every year. Plus, he enjoyed hearing Genesis bicker about having to spend double the money in the same stretch, instead of having time to save up for both birthdays.</p><p>This year was no different—well, only slightly. This year, Louis was couped up in his car, alone, smoking a joint with his feet resting on the dash. It wasn’t like he was invited back to his house—er, his father’s house—for some kind of celebration, and he had stopped having “birthday parties” a long time ago. He assumed Harry had plans for them both, as they celebrated their birthdays together every year, but he hadn’t had any confirmation of that.</p><p>So, he listened to Genesis complain, his phone resting on the indent near the bend of his leg, puffing solemnly.</p><p>“I spent $100 on you two, it’s getting ridiculous,” Genny sighed, her voice scratchy over the speaker phone.</p><p>“One, no one asked you to spend that much on us,” Louis rolled his eyes, a smile on his face, “And two, you could buy one present early, and then wait until another paycheck to buy the other one.”</p><p>“You know, you tell me that every year, but I always procrastinate, so that’s not happening any time soon,” Genny switched gears, “What’d you get Harry this year?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter, I might just return it. He’s been radio silent since yesterday, hasn’t even wished me happy birthday, the little shit,” Louis joked, except he was actually upset over it, the hurt trickling through his pseudo-humored tone.</p><p>Every year, without fail (ever since they got phones), they would both stay up until midnight and see who would wish the other “happy birthday” the quickest. Louis had made it a competition when he had woken up late on his birthday one year and Harry had bragged the entire day about how he said it first. This time around, Louis went through with it as usual—</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[12:00 AM] HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[12:00 AM] HA i was first :D </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[12:02 AM] well someones late &gt;:(</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> [12:16 AM] guess u fell asleep. gn baby &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> [9:48 AM] good morning sunshine, happy birthday (again) &lt;333</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> [10:12 AM] wow u sleep forever</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[11:33 AM] love u.</em>
</p><p>And Harry hadn’t answered, several hours later.</p><p>“Maybe his phone is turned off?” Genesis questioned. Louis shrugged, the disappointment evident in his voice, “Maybe.”</p><p>“You should stop by his place, see if he’s there. I was gonna go over at 6 tonight,” Genesis reassured him, “Don’t worry too much about it. He’ll call you soon.”</p><p>Louis flicked the roach of the joint out the window, frowning, “Hope so.”</p><p>The call ended shortly after, Louis groaning as he flopped his legs back down to the floorboard, startling himself when one of his feet hit the horn.</p><p>He wasn’t usually one to be so clingy. Harry was terrible at responding, so his behavior wasn’t unusual, except he had never once failed to wish Louis “happy birthday” at 12 every year, even though he would go to bed early almost every other night. At first, Louis assumed he’d slept the day away, but now that it was nearing 5 PM, he started getting antsy, fidgeting and smoking cigarettes as he counted down the minutes Harry was radio silent.</p><p>As if on cue, as if Harry could somehow sense Louis’ discomfort, his phone binged, a text from none other than Harry—</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Harry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[4:49 PM] Happy Birthday lover, got a surprise for you &lt;3</em>
</p><p>Louis scoffed, a bit peeved—</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[4:49 PM] a bit late, dont u think? :/</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Harry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[4:50 PM] Sorry, been busy. Come over?</em>
</p><p>He laughed harshly at the lame excuse, furiously typing—</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[4:50 PM] yeah, fine, whatever.</em>
</p><p>He threw his phone into the passenger seat, starting the car before turning the wheel harshly, digging up dirt with his tires as he drove off down the road, fixing his hair blindly with one hand as he drove lazily with the other, still wrapped in the cast. Unfortunately, Louis hadn’t been careful enough while working, so he had to keep the damn thing on until further notice. The reminder pissed him off even more.</p><p>It quickly dawned on him that he hadn’t been to Harry’s house since before they both came out, about two months ago. He felt his heart speed up from panic, a bit weary to see his family, mostly Thomas. He wouldn’t know how to react if Thomas made a remark or said anything that would ruin his mood, which, to be fair, he was already in a poor mood.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Louis to arrive, parking in front of the lawn, the sprinkler going off as he hopped out of the car, quickly spraying some cheap cologne on himself, attempting to mask the stale cigarette scent before throwing it into the car, grabbing his phone and keys, and slammed the door with gritted teeth.</p><p>He stood still, staring at the white picket fence as he considered his options. Thomas’ car was in the driveway. Harry hadn’t warned him things were awkward inside, so what did he have to worry about, truly? Or was Thomas waiting for the two of them to be there, to talk to them together, probably in his home office, asking them to repent their sins and end the relationship?</p><p>He didn’t have much time to think about it when Harry threw the front door open, practically squealing as he ran down the driveway, jumping into Louis’ arms while wrapping his legs around his waist.</p><p>“Happy birthday!” Harry beamed, kissing Louis. Louis barely kissed back, crossing his arms underneath Harry to keep him up. Harry frowned, “What’s wrong?” he inhaled, grimacing, “Oh, wow, is that Axe body spray?”</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes, overly annoyed, “Would’ve been nice if you’d called earlier, or, I don’t know, let me know you were alive?”</p><p>Harry whined, “But I was busyyy with your surpriiise. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t be tempted to text you.”</p><p>“Wish you would’ve told me,” Louis clipped, lips pursed, “I had to chain smoke my anxiety away.”</p><p>Harry squinted, studying his eyes, “Apparently not only cigarettes. Are you high?”</p><p>“A little,” Louis shrugged, “Calmed me down.”</p><p>Harry wrapped his arms tighter around Louis’ neck, his voice muffled, “I’m sorryyy. I promise I wasn’t trying to ignore you or freak you out or anything.”</p><p>Louis bit his lip, suppressing a smile from how adorable Harry was acting—how could he stay mad? Harry wasn’t dead and he apologized, which is all he could ask for.</p><p>“Whatever,” he walked them towards the front door, Harry bouncing in excitement, “What’s up with Thomas being here?”</p><p>“Despite ignoring my existence for two months, he decided to show up for my birthday,” Harry spoke quickly, “Mom talked him into it.”</p><p>“Does he know I’m here?” Louis set Harry down in front of the door.</p><p>“Yeah, he’s not gonna bother us though, at least, I don’t think so,” Harry bit his lip, looking up through his eyelashes, “Wanna come in?”</p><p>“Of course—” Louis was interrupted by Anna and Laura shouting, quite loudly, “Happy birthday!”</p><p>They pushed Harry out of the way, tackling Louis in a hug, giggles ringing in his ears. Anna choked, “Ew, is that Axe body spray?”</p><p>“Yes, why do y’all suddenly care?”</p><p>“Because you’re not a prepubescent middle schooler. Get some real cologne,” Laura retorted, pulling Louis by his good arm, “Come on, we got a cake.”</p><p>“Is anyone else coming?” Louis asked as he stumbled through the entryway, being led to the dining room. A few presents sat on the island in the kitchen, a cookie cake on the table. He could smell hamburger stew cooking on the stove top as he kicked his shoes off, Harry picking them up and running to put them on the stairs.</p><p>“James, Genesis, and a friend of Harry’s from the library,” Anna stated, pulling out her phone, “Genesis won’t be here until later.”</p><p>“Yeah, she told me,” Louis was stuck on the friend from the library, “Um, what friend?”</p><p>“His name is Tyler,” Harry beamed as he ran back to table, “He’s from another town over but he likes our library more, so he goes there. He’s a great study partner.”</p><p>“Ah, cool,” Louis felt the pathetic jealousy rise in his throat, blurting, “Better than me?”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Harry pecked his lips, “He’s just a friend.”</p><p>“I wasn’t implying that he was more…” Louis trailed off, watching Harry bounce around like he had too much sugar. Louis shook his head, smiling.</p><p>“O-kay, anyway,” Laura chuckled awkwardly, dissipating the tension, “Should we wait until everyone gets here or do y’all wanna open your presents now—”</p><p>“Let’s wait,” Louis said just as Harry squeaked, “Now!”</p><p>They glanced at each other, Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “Lou.”</p><p>“H.”</p><p>“Boys, behave,” Anna frowned just as Harry sat in Louis’ lap, vibrating.</p><p>“More like Harry behave,” Louis snorted, before whispering in Harry’s ear, arms wrapped around his middle, “Baby, what’s got you all fired up?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Harry turned his head, kissing him once more before shooting out of the seat, Laura excusing herself to meet James outside, “Just can’t wait to open presents.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Anna replied, taking a seat in a chair opposite of Louis, “Personally, I thought very long and hard about my gifts for y’all.”</p><p>Louis snickered, muttering, “Long and hard.”</p><p>Anna groaned as Harry cackled, high fiving Louis immaturely, “I should have seen that coming.”</p><p>“Coming,” Harry giggled, causing Louis to wheeze, knocking his head forward on the table. Anna stood, annoyed, “I thought y’all were turning 19, not 12.”</p><p>Harry stood behind Louis’ chair, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Louis melted in the embrace, content.</p><p>That is, until Thomas entered the room.</p><p>Harry immediately pushed away from Louis, standing straighter (as straight as he could be, haha—sorry), addressing his dad’s presence. Thomas eyed the two boys. They were the only three in the room now, and suddenly Louis was incredibly interested in the design of the wooden table before him.</p><p>“Harry, Louis.”</p><p>“H-Hi, dad,” Harry stammered, wiping his sweaty palms onto his jeans, “Hi.”</p><p>Louis had never seen Pastor Thomas look so … cold. Usually, he was stoic but warm, a small smile always plastered on his face, even when he knew very well Louis was high as a kite, or when Harry would knock the mic stand over during church. This was new, and highly uncomfortable. The tension in the room was thick, Louis felt like he could reach out and hold it in his hands, the consistency like Jell-O.</p><p>“Happy birthday, you two,” he simply stated before turning on his heel, walking back into the hallway towards his home office. Harry whimpered when the lock clicked loudly, echoing in his ears.</p><p>Louis stood, his legs shaky, holding Harry by his hips. Harry avoided eye contact.</p><p>“Angel,” Louis whispered. Harry wouldn’t look at him, tears forming in his eyes.</p><p>“He hasn’t talked to me in months, and all he can say is ‘happy birthday’? Nothing else?” Harry’s hands shook at his sides. Louis smiled sadly.</p><p>“Hey, look at me,” Louis pleaded. Harry gradually looked up, his green eyes a shade lighter, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Don’t let this get to you, not today,” Louis pecked his lips once, twice, “Not right now. Enjoy today.”</p><p>“Okay,” Harry sniffed, wiping at his eyes hurriedly, “Okay, yeah, sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Louis wiped a stray tear from his face, “Let’s have a good night.”</p><p>“We will,” Harry smiled softly, giggling when Louis started to tickle at his sides.</p><p>“No crying?”</p><p>“No crying,” Harry repeated, nodding once, then leaned over to Louis’ ear, whispering seductively, “Unless it’s from fucking you so hard you start crying for more—”</p><p>“O-kay!” Louis gasped, pushing Harry away as Harry cackled, his hands on his shaking belly, “Dirty boy.”</p><p>Eventually, the rest of the attendees piled in, all sitting at the table. Genesis had brought in a giant box, another smaller gift bag dangling from her elbow. Louis helped her set the box down, noticing Harry’s named scrawled all over it. Louis eyed her as she winked, “For our boy.”</p><p>A short knock sounded from the door. Harry had been more relaxed now, sitting languidly while looking at his phone. He shot up almost instantly, heading to the door.</p><p>“Probably Tyler,” Anna noted. Louis scoffed, sarcastic, “Whoopie.”</p><p>Harry sauntered in, a dark-blonde headed boy following behind him with a simple gift bag, nothing special. Louis rolled his eyes. Harry pat Tyler’s shoulder, lingering too long for Louis’ comfort, “This is Tyler. Tyler, that’s Anna, my sister,” Anna waved, “And Genesis,” Genesis saluted awkwardly (Louis would have to tease her about that later), “Laura and her boyfriend, James,” they waved, “And Louis, my boyfriend,” Harry blushed at that part, biting his lip as Louis lounged lazily in the chair, “Hey.”</p><p>“Hi, everyone. Thanks for having me,” Tyler muttered, polite but quiet. Louis immediately hated him.</p><p>Tyler handed Harry the gift, who ran to the kitchen where his mom stood, hovered over the stew that’d been cooking for some time. Tyler took the open seat next to Louis, who glared, “That’s Harry’s spot.”</p><p>“Ah, right,” Tyler flushed, moving to another seat, “Sorry.”</p><p>Laura kicked Louis from under the table as James snickered. Louis rolled his eyes, sitting up properly in his seat as Harry’s mom walked in, “Everyone ready to eat?”</p><p>“Yum,” Harry passed out paper bowls, everyone muttering their thanks as he did so. He spilled some silverware in the middle, next to the plain, barely-there-frosted cookie cake. Louis grabbed a spoon, twirling it between his fingers as he eyed Tyler, who waited until everyone had grabbed one until he did. Louis scoffed at the polite gesture. Harry’s mom set the pot down onto the table on top of a cloth rag, leaving the ladle in.</p><p>“Help yourselves. Anna, come get me when y’all sing happy birthday,” she asked politely, placing a sweet kiss to Harry’s flushed cheek. Louis groaned, “No, we are <em>not</em> singing happy birthday.”</p><p>“Yes, we are,” Genesis pointed her spoon at Louis warily, “This is your last year being a teenager, we’re singing happy birthday.”</p><p>“No,” Louis stubbornly argued, “I will simply close my ears.”</p><p>“Close your ears—”</p><p>“I say we take a vote,” James declared, the others nodding, “Say I if we sing happy birthday.”</p><p>“I,” Genesis, Anna, Laura decided.</p><p>“Nay,” James and Louis said at the same time. Everyone looked at Harry expectantly.</p><p>“I?” Harry cheekily replied. Louis muttered, smiling against his will, “Traitor.”</p><p>“Tyler,” James looked over at Tyler, who was munching quietly on his soup.</p><p>All eyes were on the clammed-up blonde, nervous from the attention. Louis’ eyes were jarring to look at as he barely whispered, “I?”</p><p>Harry’s mom shook her head, chuckling as the girls and Harry cheered, Louis leaning back in his chair, annoyed.</p><p>They ate their soup in mostly silence, Laura and Anna talking every now and then. Harry turns to Tyler, whispering something in his ear which makes him almost spit his food back into the bowl, quickly grabbing a napkin to cover his mouth as he laughs out loud, the entire table staring at the two, confused but not as confused or seething with jealousy as Louis.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Louis means to ask calmly, but instead his teeth grit together, his hand balled up in a fist underneath the table.</p><p>“Oh, nothing, just some inside joke,” Harry waved him off. Anna twirled her finger in her empty bowl awkwardly, Laura darting her eyes back and forth between the two. Genesis stands obnoxiously, stretching her arms over her head as she announces, “I think it’s time for presents.”</p><p>“We’re supposed to eat cake first,” Anna peeps. Genesis glances at her, “In what rule book?”</p><p>“The one about birthday parties.”</p><p>“There’s no such thing—”</p><p>“It’s true, I’ve read it,” Laura interjects, “Cake first, presents later.”</p><p>“Do we need to vote again?” James asked, wincing under Louis’ glare.</p><p>“Yeah, because that went well last time,” Louis muttered. Genesis glared at Louis, an eyebrow raised, her eyes saying, “Calm down, dumbass.”</p><p>Harry and Tyler hadn’t been paying attention, instead wrapped up in some story about the strict librarian and how she deliberately rubs her bare feet on the counter, a disgusting, uncouth display. Louis wasn’t paying much attention, definitely not eavesdropping and definitely not dropping his spoon, clattering loudly on the table making Anna squeak in surprise, when Tyler asked him under his breath, “We should get some ice cream sometime, I know a great diner a few miles from here.”</p><p>“Let’s eat cake,” Louis clasped his hands together, yelling loud enough to get Harry’s attention. Harry frowned as Genesis growled, “Louis, can we talk for a sec?”</p><p>Louis blew air from his mouth, his lips vibrating as he stood from the table, “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Genesis grabbed Louis’ arm roughly, tugging him towards the entryway, away from the rest of the group, an oblivious Harry watching as they stormed off. Genny spun around, in front of Louis, whose back was against the door. She raised an eyebrow at him, a hand resting on her cocked out hip.</p><p>“What?” Louis deadpanned.</p><p>“Seriously? The hell is your problem?” Genesis whisper-shouted, “What has Tyler ever done to you?”</p><p>“Exist.”</p><p>“Louis,” Genny sighed, exasperated, both hands on his shoulders, squeezing slightly, “I understand you’re a bit on edge being here with Thomas in the house, but why are you getting so worked up over Harry having a guy friend? The poor kid’s terrified of you. Give him a break. He has yet to do anything that’s screamed, ‘red flag!’ so calm down.”</p><p>“I don’t like him, he’s giving me bad vibes,” Louis pouted, “He’s immaturely flirting with H.”</p><p>“And you’re being straight up immature,” Genny shot back, “Harry only has eyes for you, you know that, we all know that, Tyler surely knows that. So … back off a little.”</p><p>Louis breathed in deeply, before letting out a pained sigh, “Okay. Alright. But if he starts being touchy—”</p><p>“I see you’re okay with ruining your birthday, but don’t ruin this for Harry,” Genesis threatened, “I swear, Lou, he’s been through a lot—”</p><p>“You don’t think I have?” Louis blurted, immediately regretting it.</p><p>“I never said that,” Genesis frowned, holding Louis to herself comfortingly, “I know, bub. Just … don’t do anything stupid, okay?”</p><p>“I’m not—I won’t,” Louis promised her, pulling away from the hug, “Sorry, you’re right, I’m on edge.”</p><p>“Don’t be. We’re all here, nothing’s gonna happen. Harry wouldn’t let anything happen, especially his mom.”</p><p>“I know,” Louis smiled, a genuine smile, “Alright, I’m cool, I’m good. Let’s eat some fucking cake.”</p><p>“Attaboy,” Genesis grinned, turning on her heel back towards the table, where Harry’s mom was lighting the candles, a simply designed “1” and “9”.</p><p>To Louis’ embarrassment and Harry’s glee, everyone began to sing happy birthday as Harry’s mom took a dozen pictures of the birthday boys, Harry holding Louis’ hand as they blew out the candles together, Louis pressing a fat kiss to Harry’s cheek as everyone cheered. Louis volunteered to cut the cake, taking the biggest slice and giving Tyler a small slice. Harry smirked, chuckling as Louis passed the plate down to the blonde, who graciously accepted the sweet.</p><p>When Harry’s mom left the dining room with her own slice, claiming she was missing an episode of <em>The Bachelorette</em>, Genesis came up with the brilliant idea to play truth or dare in the living room, an evil smirk on her face. Tyler gulped nervously as Louis stood, pointing at Genesis with glee, “Yes!”</p><p>“Eh, I don’t know…” Anna rubbed her hands, grimacing.</p><p>“I say we take a vote,” James offered for the third time that night.</p><p>Louis lamely pointed it out, “Why is that the only commentary you have to provide?”</p><p>Anna laughed at that, Harry rolling his eyes, “A game of truth or dare can’t hurt, Lou.”</p><p>“Fine,” Louis indulged his boy, “Let’s do it.”</p><p>They huddled to the living room, slices of cake in their hands as they made a crude circle in the middle, the coffee table pushed off to the side to create some space. Genesis volunteered to ask first, Harry sitting between Louis’ outstretched legs, his head resting back on Louis’ chest.</p><p>“Tyler, truth or dare?” Genesis asked. Tyler scratched the back of his neck, stammering, “U-Uh, truth.”</p><p>“Have you ever sexted anyone?” she asked, giddy. Anna’s eyed bulged out, Harry letting out a cackle at the question.</p><p>“So it’s gonna be like that, then,” Laura noted, Harry’s eyes widening at the idea.</p><p>Louis shook his head, “That’s not even the worst question she’s ever asked.”</p><p>“Uh, y-yeah,” he answered shyly. Laura oo’d immaturely, James rolling his eyes.</p><p>“Alright, now you ask!”</p><p>“Okay,” Tyler looked around the room, eyes on Harry, “Harry, truth or dare?”</p><p>“Dare,” Harry answered giddy. Tyler became flustered, pulling up his pants slightly as he thought of a dare.</p><p>“Okay, um …” Tyler tapped his chin, then looked back at Harry, who was vibrating from anticipation, “Dirty, right? Okay, um, do we have alcohol here?”</p><p>Anna’s eyes bulged out of his head as Louis immediately spoke up, “I do.”</p><p>“Why am I not shocked,” Genny deadpanned.</p><p>“Okay,” Tyler got more comfortable, “You have to leave the room. Everyone pours a shot, and then you come back in and take one of the shots. Whoever’s shot you take, you have to sit in their lap for a round.”</p><p>James cackled at the paleness of Louis’ face, Harry standing enthusiastically, “Okay!”</p><p>“I hate this,” Louis couldn’t help but chuckle as he stood, grabbing his keys, “Be right back. Anna, go grab some shot glasses.”</p><p>A few minutes later, Harry was sitting in the kitchen, everyone else holding a shot glass in their hands. Louis poured a small amount of vodka into each varied glass, one of which was simply a regular cup—unsurprisingly, they didn’t have that many shot glasses.</p><p>When Harry was called back in, Louis’ hands were gripped to his legs.</p><p>“What made you think of that, Ty? Can I call you Ty?” Genesis questioned, “That’s a damn good dare.”</p><p>“Yeah, uh, I’ve played before, an ex of mine used the same dare once,” Tyler shrugged, “I’m unoriginal.”</p><p>Harry gingerly looked at the glasses, chuckling at the plastic cup. He picked the first one (predictable), taking it like a wimp and gasping for air from the burn as Laura cackled.</p><p>“Whose was that?”</p><p>“Mine,” Anna laughed, patting her crossed legs, “C’mon, H.”</p><p>Louis felt his shoulders relax as everyone laughed at the clumsy boy, who tried to get as comfortable as he could in his sister’s lap, a truly weird sight. Louis secretly hoped Tyler felt deflated at the revelation of the owner of the shot glass.</p><p>“Okay, my turn, right?” Harry looked around for confirmation as Anna squeaked an “ow” underneath him. He opened his mouth, about to speak before Laura chimed in, “Don’t pick Louis.”</p><p>Harry furrowed his eyebrows adorably, “How’d you knowww?”</p><p>“You’re predictable, love,” Louis tilted his head toward him, “Go ahead.”</p><p>“Fine,” Harry looked around the group, eyes on James, “James.”</p><p>“Harold.”</p><p>“Truth or dare?”</p><p>“Truth,” James grinned. Laura squeezed his hand.</p><p>“Who here are you most jealous of?” Harry asked, deciding on a less-sexual question, for Louis’ sake. Louis thanked him silently, hands clasped as he melodramatically bowed his upper body towards him.</p><p>“Hmm,” James looked around, a cheeky grin on his face, “I guess Louis.”</p><p>“You guess?”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“You’re so … carefree, man. You don’t care what people think of you, you do what you want. I could never do that,” James answered honestly, shrugging. Louis scoffed, “I know what you’re trying to do.”</p><p>“And what’s that?”</p><p>“Trying to win me over,” Louis mock whispered, “It’s working.”</p><p>As laughter ensued, Harry stood from Anna’s lap, stretching his legs out in front of him, “Alright, hope I never have to do that again.”</p><p>“That’s the most love I’ve received from you in years.”</p><p>Harry sat back between Louis’ open legs with ease, a smile on his face. As James and Genesis passed out the rest of the unused shot glasses (and cup) to everyone who wanted one, Louis leaned into his ear, whispering, “Having fun?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry replied just as quietly, turning his head, “You?”</p><p>“Mhm,” Louis assured him, “Can’t wait to open your gift.”</p><p>“Gifts,” Harry corrected him, “I got you two.”</p><p>“Well, that’s not fair, is it?” Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle, squeezing, “I’m gonna have to improvise a second gift.”</p><p>“I have an idea,” Harry joked, subtly pushed back into Louis’ crotch. Louis laughed, burying his face in Harry’s hair as James asked Anna truth or dare.</p><p>“Dare,” she answered, unsure. James thought for a moment, “Okay, I dare you to let someone feed you small pieces of cake, and every time they do, you have to say, ‘Thank you, Daddy’.”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” both Harry and Anna squeaked at the same time, Louis cackling loudly as he proclaimed, “James is my new favorite.”</p><p>“Fine, fine,” James chuckled as Laura swatted at his arm, “I dare you to answer any question you’re asked like you’re on <em>Jeopardy!</em>”</p><p>“I can do that,” Anna giggled, pushing her hands into her lap, anticipating being asked a question.</p><p>“Lame,” Louis muttered as Genesis asked, “Anna, do you know if there’s any more cake?”</p><p>“What is, ‘I’m not sure’?” Anna replied giddily, “This is gonna be fun.”</p><p>“Anna, ask someone new.”</p><p>“Okay …” Anna faced Laura, “Laur, truth or dare?”</p><p>“Dare,” Laura smiled evilly, James facepalming.</p><p>“I dare you to leave a dirty voicemail to your ex.”</p><p>“No!” Laura yelled as Genesis screamed, “Yes!”</p><p>“I will … leave the room.” Louis started to get up, but then Anna interjected, “No, no, I’ll go with her to the kitchen, to make sure she does it.”</p><p>As they got up to go, James shook his head, “Maybe we shouldn’t have made it dirty. Especially since half of us are related or in committed relationships.”</p><p>“Genny woke up and chose chaos, apparently,” Harry deadpanned as Genesis cackled, “It’s hilarious!”</p><p>After a few moments and loud echoed laughter coming from the kitchen, Anna and Laura walked back in, Laura’s face completely red.</p><p>“I hope he doesn’t have that number anymore,” Laura confessed.</p><p>“Me too,” James muttered, slightly annoyed. Louis reveled in his discomfort.</p><p>“Don’t worry, it was absolutely horrid and basically a full minute of her laughing,” Anna reassured him, tapping his shoulder once.</p><p>After a few more rounds, which included James and Laura switching shirts (everyone was forced to cover their eyes) and Tyler sick from taking shots of ketchup, it was Genesis’ turn to ask.</p><p>“Okay, Louis,” Genesis smirked.</p><p>“I’m finally being asked, fuck all of you,” Louis joked as Laura reached over to swat his arm.</p><p>“Truth or dare, asshole?”</p><p>“Dare, moron,” Louis grinned as Genesis muttered, “Harry’s gonna hate me.”</p><p>“Oh, great,” Harry deadpanned.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting to say this all night—”</p><p>“Just say it—”</p><p>“I dare you to kiss Harry anywhere but his lips for thirty seconds,” Genesis blurted. Laura immediately groaned, falling backwards overdramatically, “I hate this game.”</p><p>“Ditto,” Anna mumbled.</p><p>“Did you just say ‘ditto’—”</p><p>“I’m gonna be sick,” Laura stuck a finger near her open mouth, pretending to throw up as James covered her eyes, “Don’t look.”</p><p>Harry turned a deep shade of red, squirming in Louis’ lap, wringing his hands together as he mumbled, “Look away, Anna.”</p><p>Genesis laughed manically, “I love this game.”</p><p>“You’re a perv,” Louis stood on his knees, Harry following, now facing an incredibly shy Harry. He turned to the rest of the group, “Is everyone, like, okay with this? Are we consenting?”</p><p>Laura and Anna collectively decided to sit this one out, instead heading over to the kitchen to peek at all the presents. James pulled out his phone, bored, as Genesis watched with wide eyes, Tyler a tad uncomfortable. It made Louis want to do it even more.</p><p>“Timer starting … now,” Genesis pressed the button on her phone, throwing it to the side. Harry kept his arms at his side sheepishly as Louis took him by the waist, immediately sucking on the pulse of his neck, hands sliding down to cup his ass. Genesis hollered, “Whoop whoop!”</p><p>He moved up, toward his jaw, placing sensual, wet kisses along his jaw line, up to his ear, whispering seductively, “Don’t get too hard for me, baby.”</p><p>Harry bit his lip, suppressing a moan as he gripped Louis’ hips, Louis sucking directly under his ear, leaving a purple mark in his haste back down his neck, pulling his shirt down to reach his collarbones, dragging his swollen lips against the flushed skin, licking and sucking as Harry released a quick breath. Louis moved to the other side, nuzzling his warmth as he moved up to Harry’s face, peppering quick kisses all over a giggling, embarrassed Harry until Genny yelled, “Time!”</p><p>“Thank God, that was brutal,” James groaned, “I hated every second of that. Genny, I officially ban you from giving anyone dares.”</p><p>“I think that was a good way to end the game,” Genny puffed her chest proudly as Laura and Anna came back with gifts in their arms, “Present time!”</p><p>Harry flopped back down on his ass, Louis sitting behind him and getting more comfortable, Harry at a loss for words. Louis flipped Genny the bird, “You’ve made Harry mute.”</p><p>“I think <em>you</em> did—”</p><p>“O-kay!” Laura grimaced, ready to move on and ignore the freshly made hickey on Harry’s neck, “Here’s the first gift, for Louis.”</p><p>After most of the gifts had been opened, which included some DVD’s and new pens for Harry, a plain black hoodie for Louis, a giant stuffed bear for Harry courtesy of Genesis (“It’s so big!” “That’s what she said”) and a $25 visa gift card for both of them, the last few gifts were from Louis to Harry, Harry to Louis, and Tyler to Harry.</p><p>They had an unspoken tradition that the two boys would open their gifts to each other alone. It had been like that since they turned 17, when their birthday gatherings became more for friends than family and they weren’t obligated to have family attend. This also meant their gifts to each other could be … a bit more X-rated. Although, none of them have yet to give a present of such demeanor, simply because neither of them ever felt the need to do so.</p><p>“Oh, <em>The Picture of Dorian Gray</em>, I love this book!” Harry held the book tenderly after carefully removing the tissue paper from inside the bag, clapping Tyler on the shoulder, “Thank you, Ty.”</p><p>“Of course,” Tyler beamed at the praise, “I’m glad you like it.”</p><p>“I had lost the version I had from school a while ago. It was filled with tons of sticky notes that made the poor book two times thicker than it was meant to be,” Harry smiled at the memory, “Thank you, again.”</p><p>“I distinctly remember stealing it to use on my open notes test,” Louis added, laughed when Harry smacked him in the chest backhanded. Laura rolled her eyes, stretching and yawning, Anna following suit.</p><p>Harry deemed the party over after that, everyone hurrying to leave to make it to their respective homes before curfew. Louis stayed the night, as he always did on his birthday, running to the car to grab his gift for Harry, which he hadn’t wrapped (on accident, he had forgotten to buy a gift bag).</p><p>The two boys sauntered up the steps, Harry’s eyes nearly closing from fatigue. Louis noticed, grabbing Harry from in front of him, Harry wrapping his legs around him, allowing himself to be carried, as Louis opened his bedroom door, setting Harry down gently on the bed.</p><p>“Tonight was fun,” Louis mumbled, removing his clothes until he was left in his boxers. He grabbed the small gift box from his back pocket before draping the clothes on Harry’s desk chair. Harry lazily tried to do the same but was so exhausted he ended up falling back onto his bed with an “oomph!”</p><p>“Tired baby,” Louis cooed, helping Harry out of his shirt and jeans, “Pretty baby,” he mumbled against Harry’s bare chest as he laid beside him. He pushed Harry’s hair out of his eyes, straightening out his eyebrows.</p><p>“I can’t believe we did that stupid dare,” Harry groaned from embarrassment, “I can never look James in the eye ever again.”</p><p>“Genny is a true pervert,” Louis noted, tracing Harry’s skin without intention, “Imagine if your mom walked in—”</p><p>“Why would you ever say that, why would you put that image in my mind,” Harry sighed as Louis cackled, “The thought alone makes me never want to kiss you again.”</p><p>Louis pressed his lips into Harry’s skin, “Mm, sure.”</p><p>Harry couldn’t help but smile anyway, both knowing quite well that Harry couldn’t live long without Louis’ touch even if he wanted to, a boy who survives simply from Louis’ affection.</p><p>“Gotta give you my gifts,” Harry mumbled, sitting up and stumbling to his desk drawer. He pulled out a small rectangular package, then a bigger square one.</p><p>Louis sat crisscrossed on the bed, toes curled as he set his tiny gift onto the bed beside him. Harry languidly sat in front of him in the same position, handing Louis the rectangular gift first.</p><p>“Open, open, open,” Harry chanted as Louis ripped at the wrapping paper, opening the white box. He beamed at the articles of clothing, a couple of band tees from various artists. He set the open box down, leaning over to press a simple kiss to Harry’s lips, “Thank you, sunshine.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Harry bounced on his crossed knees for a second, flushing. Louis handed him the small velvet box, “Forgot to wrap it, so here.”</p><p>Harry bit his lip, using his thumb to open the case. Inside, a simple silver band with a carved rose took over Harry’s blurry vision, his wet eyes darting back and forth from the ring to Louis, who was squirming in his seated position, waiting for Harry’s approval.</p><p>“Oh…” Harry took out the ring, caressing it as if it were something precious. Placing it on his ring finger, his entire body trembled subtly as he pressed his hands to Louis’ face, kissing him deeply, lips trembling, “Thank you. I love it,” he uttered against Louis’ lips.</p><p>“It’s a reminder,” Louis replied, hands resting on Harry’s thighs, “That I’m always here, always love you, always wanna love you, always wanna—”</p><p>Harry shut him off with another kiss, hands moving to the back of his head, fingers pulling on the tuffs of hair, “I’ll wear it all the time.”</p><p>“Good,” Louis winked, pushing himself off of Harry, cheeky, “Where’s my other present?”</p><p>Suddenly, Harry’s eyes bulged, as if he had forgotten about the last one, “Oh, yeah, um, it’s—it’s okay, if you don’t like it, or want it, I understand,” he began to ramble, eyes darting all over, “I thought of it—on a whim, yeah, and it’s not a typical thing, totally cool if you don’t wanna—”</p><p>“H,” Louis smirked, shaking his head with a soft chuckle because <em>damn</em> his baby is so fucking cute, “Let me see it.”</p><p>Harry swallowed; shaky hands pressed against the carefully wrapped box. He handed it to Louis, who took it cautiously, “Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll like it.”</p><p>“Okay,” Harry bounced in his spot again, nerves trailing up his spine as Louis unwrapped the gift, an unlabeled cardboard box underneath. He used his thumb nail to open the package, audibly gasping when he took out the gift from inside the box. He looked at Harry, his lips parted, the curly boy’s eyes downcast, shy. He placed his hand on Harry’s knee, the other still holding the gift.</p><p>“It’s a…”</p><p>“Vibrator, yeah,” Harry barely whispered, too nervous and too—ashamed?—to look at him, “I know you’ve never talked about wanting one and I’ve never talked about—about it but I just, I just thought that maybe you’d like it?”</p><p>“I … I’ve never used one before,” Louis’ lips were parted, eyes blown out as he stared at Harry.</p><p>Harry nodded, still looking down at the hand on his knee, “I know, I know so if you don’t like it—”</p><p>Louis moved his hand from Harry’s knee to the crook of his neck, locking his lips with Harry’s trembling ones. He parted his mouth, lips barely touching Harry’s, “I love it.”</p><p>“You do?” Harry was small, barely audible. Louis turned his head, kissing the side of his mouth, “Yeah, I do.”</p><p>“It’s discreet, apparently, doesn’t make a lot of noise, and it’s for beginners, I think, and it’s curved at the top, it’s made for men—”</p><p>“Perfect,” Louis traced his lips along Harry’s jawline, “It’s perfect.”</p><p>“That’s why I was busy today, I didn’t wanna get the urge to ask you what kind you would want or second guess myself.”</p><p>“Mm,” Louis hummed, pushing the toy and trash off the bed, walking on his knees to sit in Harry’s lap, the other boy oblivious to Louis’ growing desire.</p><p>Harry unconsciously brought his hands to Louis’ hips, head turned away, “I don’t expect you to use it, I don’t really know why I even had the idea, it’s dumb—”</p><p>“Use it on me,” Louis’ voice was hitched, breathy against Harry’s neck. Harry froze, looking up at Louis when he detached his lips from his neck, “W-What?”</p><p>“I want you to use it on me,” Louis’ eyes were hooded, the blue of his irises a thin line around his growing pupils, “Tease me until I’m begging for it, get me on my hands and knees, baby.”</p><p>“Oh,” Harry threw his head back, eyes closed as Louis began to grind against his tented boxers, “Oh, wait, Louis—”</p><p>“Hmm?” Louis leaned back to look at him, lips red and wet, parted obscenely. Harry swallowed thickly at the sight, caught off guard, “God, you’re beautiful.”</p><p>Louis threw his arms around Harry’s neck languidly, bouncing on Harry’s groin once, twice, “Thank you, baby.”</p><p>“I…” Harry moaned from Louis’ skilled hips, a wave of fatigue flooding him, “W—wait,” Harry held Louis’ waist, stopping his movements, “Louis.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I don’t …” Harry frowned, looking down, embarrassed, “I don’t want to, tonight, at least.”</p><p>“Oh,” Louis relaxed in Harry’s lap, sliding his hands down to rest at Harry’s waist, Harry’s hands moving to his sides.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Harry bit his lip, “I’m just tired.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Louis smiled, pupils constricting slowly, panting, “It’s okay. I’m sorry for overstepping.”</p><p>“You didn’t overstep, not at all,” he reassured him, “I thought I’d, like, be in the mood but I’m just,” Harry covered his mouth to yawn, humiliated, “I’ve had a long day and I’m really tired.”</p><p>“H,” Louis tilted his head to the side, using his good hand to push some of Harry’s hair out of his face, “It’s completely fine.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to do, just because I’m in the mood,” Louis assured him, “We can save it for another day. I’d rather have blue balls then make you feel like you have to do something.”</p><p>“Okay,” Harry made eye contact, cheeks flushed, “Can we just cuddle?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Louis grinned, flinging himself onto the bed, his body bouncing from the impact. Harry gasped, laughing when Louis grabbed Harry’s middle, pulling him down roughly, smothering his face in kisses as they laid facing each other, Harry hitching his leg over Louis’ thighs.</p><p>They laid that way for some time, Harry’s eyes droopy as he scooted down on the bed, pressing his face into Louis’ warm chest. Louis sighed, content (even with his aching groin), wrapping his arms around his boy, pressing into his skin.</p><p>Harry’s breaths turned deep, slow, his body rising and falling at a smooth pace. Louis leaned down, pressing a kiss into his hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo with a laxed smile on his face, a blush warming his cheeks, as he fell asleep to the sound of Harry.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Harry startled awake, body flush on top of Louis’ searing skin. He looked over at his bedside table behind Louis’ sleeping body, the time reading 4:28 AM. He had only slept for 4 hours.</p><p>He rolled his eyes, annoyed he woke up randomly from a dream he couldn’t recall. He let out a long exhale, turning onto his back, chest rising and falling as he listened to Louis’ soft snores.</p><p>Boredom overcame him, so he turned onto his side, poking Louis’ triceps, “Lou.”</p><p>Louis stirred in his sleep, eyes crinkling, frowning before his face relaxed again. Harry sighed, sitting up on his elbow, poking Louis again, “Louis.”</p><p>“What,” Louis slurred, barely awake. Harry bit the inside of his cheek, warming at the way Louis’ voice sounded from sleep.</p><p>“I’m bored,” Harry repeatedly poked Louis’ chest, “Wanna talk to you.”</p><p>“’m sleep,” Louis mumbled, reaching out for Harry unconsciously, pulling him into his body again. Harry used his legs to kick up the blanket, draping it over the two.</p><p>“Wake up,” Harry whispered, lips against Louis’ skin. Louis groaned, “Time?”</p><p>“4,” Harry muttered, rubbing his hand up and down Louis’ side, feeling the bumps of his scars on his waist.</p><p>“Too early,” Louis furrowed his eyebrows, eyes still shut, his hand slapping the back of Harry’s head, pushing him down, “Sleep.”</p><p>“Can’t sleep,” Harry’s mind began to race, “Too many thoughts going through my head.”</p><p>“Mm,” Louis was hardly conscious at this point, hand sliding off Harry’s head.</p><p>“Thinking about some future things,” the ring on his finger felt a little heavier than before, “Like … like about where we’ll live—I wanna live in a yellow house, but not a harsh yellow, like blinding, but a soft, muted yellow, with white shutters and a nice green lawn.”</p><p>“Anything you want,” Louis turned his head to the side, chest rising and falling, as Harry kept going, “And we could have a dog, get one from a shelter, a mutt, or a purebred, I don’t have a preference. Oh, and a cat too. And when we have kids—do you want kids? I want kids. I wanna have a boy and a girl. We’ll get a big house, just in case we have a lot. We could be foster parents too, along with having some of our own, like we could get a surrogate, or something.”</p><p>“Anything you want,” Louis mumbled incoherently, lips parted as he breathed through his mouth. Harry blinked at his wet eyes, smushing his cheek against Louis’ diaphragm, staring at the wall.</p><p>“I want it all with you,” Harry whispered, emotional, “I want the good and the bad. I want date nights—and they don’t even have to be proper, just driving around or going to Walmart or something, if it means I get to spend a day with you … I wanna spend every day with you, even when we fight or argue over something ridiculous, I wanna be the one you come back to late at night when I make you sleep on the couch and you hold me close, asking for forgiveness, and I’ll give in every time because I can’t be mad at you for too long, and it would have started from something dumb anyway, so it wouldn’t be a big deal… I want morning and night kisses, I want kisses in the rain like in those romance movies, I want to start a family, I wanna be a good dad, I <em>know</em> you would be a good dad—oh, you’d be the best dad. You’d sneak the little ones’ candy in their lunch boxes, and I would pretend I don’t notice. You would teach them how to play piano, or maybe another instrument, or enroll them in dance classes or whatever their little hearts desired. You would defend them against strict teachers even if they were in the wrong and sing them to sleep at night, and probably fall asleep with them in their tiny beds, and you would complain afterwards about having a crick in your neck, but it wouldn’t matter, because it’d be worth the ache of getting to watch our kids grow up.”</p><p>“I want never-ending game nights, I want yelling matches that end in really good make-up sex—” Harry blushed feverishly, swallowing before continuing, “I wanna go to a pride parade in New York, I wanna travel all over the world, fill our passports up with tons of stamps from all the places we’ve been, I want … I want a big, beautiful wedding—or maybe a small, intimate one, where we have matching suits—no, you would hate that, you would probably wear skinny jeans and I’d learn to be okay with it. We would have a big cake—but I don’t want the little mini figurines of us on the top of it, I feel like that’s a little weird, I don’t know, maybe I’ll change my mind when the time comes. I wanna have live music, I wanna dance with you all night long until my feet ache and my shoes give me blisters, I wouldn’t care, because I’d be with you, and that’s all that would matter. I want a nice honeymoon, we could go to Europe, be cliché and kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower. We could go to Rome and just walk the streets, take in the atmosphere, buy you flowers, and you would act all embarrassed when I’d put them in your hair, but you would secretly love it, I think, and …”</p><p>Harry’s eyes drooped heavily, closing his eyes as he mumbled, “I want it all with you.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Slumped over his desk, Harry squints at the bright screen, his eyes aching from spending hours editing his essay. He groans, annoyed, head crashing onto the keyboard, hair flopping around his head.</p><p>He’d been working on the same paragraph for forty minutes, mentally exhausted and frustrated from not being able to get the sentences to flow properly. It didn’t help that he kept being distracted by Anna, who would burst into his room and force-feed him multiple different brownies she had been working on for the bake sale at school, taking his opinion with a grain of salt anyway when he would complement the taste and she would scoff, “But there’s something <em>missing</em>.”</p><p>He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes to relieve the strain on his brain and bloodshot eyes. He was sure his eyes were red, and his limbs ached from staying seated in the same position for hours on end. He <em>had</em> to make a good impression with his thesis, if he wanted any chance of passing his Biblical Studies class.</p><p>As he slowly drifted into an uncomfortable slumber, his phone rang loudly, vibrating against the white desk. He shot out of his chair, kicking his bare foot against the metal leg of the table. With a wince, he didn’t bother to look at the caller ID, answering with a groan, “Hello?”</p><p>“Harry! You have some explaining to do,” Elijah’s voice rang through the speaker, Harry’s eyes lighting up in glee, “Eli!”</p><p>“Why did I have to hear from Anna that you finally came out?” Elijah teased, “It didn’t cross your mind to give me a quick call and say, ‘Hey, by the way, I made the family lose their shit’?”</p><p>“Oh! Oops,” Harry frowned, moving to lay down on his bed, one of his legs hitched up. He could hear Elijah’s chuckle.</p><p>“Yeah, ‘oops’. Tell me how it went!” Elijah asked, and Harry could see his perfect smile from there on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>“Well … Louis and I decided we should come out. We were tired of being so … <em>afraid</em>, you know?” Harry started, “So, at church, I made a little speech, nothing too much, and then Louis ran up and outed himself too. So …”</p><p>“Wow, how anticlimactic,” Elijah deadpanned. Harry laughed, “I guess, yeah.”</p><p>“How long ago was this?”</p><p>“The beginning of December, I think?”</p><p>“What?!” Elijah screeched, “Harry! It’s almost March, and I’m hearing about it now?”</p><p>“Well, to be fair, a lot has happened since then,” Harry muttered, biting at his chapped lips.</p><p>“Oh? What’s up?”</p><p>“Well, Louis got beat—hurt really badly, by his dad,” Harry whispered, a lump in his throat at the memory, “He had to wear a cast on his arm for a couple months. It was … it was really bad, Eli.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Elijah sighed, silent for a few seconds before responding, “Is he still at home?”</p><p>“No, he’s been living in his car—”</p><p>“What? Harry, what?” Elijah sounded a bit upset, “You two are welcome to come stay with me, I told you that a long time ago. I have a spare room; it’s being used as my art studio, but I can clean it out for you two—”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Harry winced, “I don’t think I’m ready to move away just yet.”</p><p>“I know it’s scary, I know having responsibilities like a job and paying bills is difficult, but I think it would be a great idea for you. You wouldn’t be completely on your own, either. I’d be able to help you get situated and find a job for you and Louis.”</p><p>“I’ve never had a job before.”</p><p>“I know, because mom coddles you and still gives you a weekly allowance at 19,” Elijah scoffed, then with a softer tone, “Look. Just think about it, alright? You don’t have to make a decision today, but I think you and especially Louis would thrive being out of Hamper, out of Texas, even.”</p><p>“It’s just … my entire life is here. My friends, my family. I’m comfortable here.”</p><p>“You’re sacrificing your happiness for comfort, Harry,” Elijah noted, “Moving out is scary—hell, I was terrified to leave home.”</p><p>“You were?” Harry frowned, “But you seemed so excited.”</p><p>“I was, it was a bit of both,” Elijah explained, “I was excited to be on my own, start fresh in a new state, make new friends, experience new things … but it was terrifying at the same time. Having to become completely independent, learn how to manage my money so that I wouldn’t starve for a week simply because I wanted to get a new DLC for <em>The Sims</em>,” Elijah and Harry both chuckled at that, “It was hard—it still is hard. But you get used to it, you get into the groove of things and it becomes easier. Plus, the ultimate freedom I have now … it’s awesome, H. You would love it. I know you would.”</p><p>Harry was silent, rubbing his bottom lip between his teeth as Elijah continued, “Just do me a favor and talk to Louis about it, okay? See what he says. You don’t have to start packing immediately, you can wait until your semester is over if you want, or until the next one, it doesn’t bother me at all.”</p><p>“Alright,” a smile crept up on Harry’s face, “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“You would love the snow, too. It’s fucking sick,” Elijah beamed, “And Louis would have all the weed he wants.”</p><p>“Oh, lovely,” Harry groaned as Elijah laughed, “Like he needs anymore.”</p><p>“Hey,” Elijah whispered, his laughter dying down, “I’m proud of you, by the way, you know that right?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry flushed, “I know.”</p><p>“Oh,” Elijah switched topics, “How’s dad been since all of this?”</p><p>Harry tensed, rolling onto his side, curling his legs up into himself, “It’s … he doesn’t really talk to me anymore. He wished me a happy birthday and then … nothing. I’ve been kicked from the choir … I don’t go to church anymore—how could I?”</p><p>“I don’t blame you,” Elijah exhaled loudly into the phone, “Look. Dad’s a piece of shit—”</p><p>“Hey—!”</p><p>“It’s true, whether you want to hear it or not,” Elijah gritted through his teeth, ‘You love singing, and he took that away from you. You love church, and he took that away too, in a way. He won’t even talk to you—how mature is that? He may not be all too keen about you being gay—which you can’t even control, by the way—but you’re still his son, he can’t ignore you forever.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Do you want me to talk to him for you?” Elijah offered. Harry’s eyes widened, “No, no.”</p><p>“Then what are you gonna do about it? Did you plan on sitting around and waiting for him?”</p><p>“I’m giving him time,” Harry explained, “I’m not gonna try and force myself back into his life until he’s ready.”</p><p>Elijah sucked on his teeth, “If that’s how you wanna go about it, then. I can’t change your mind?”</p><p>“No,” Harry nodded, “I think it’s what’s best. I don’t want to force him to talk about it until he wants to.”</p><p>“You’re too kind for your own good,” Elijah shook his head, “If it were me—”</p><p>“But it isn’t you,” Harry blurted, regretful, “Sorry. Just … you don’t know. You can’t possibly know. His resentment towards me is different than the kind he has towards you for not wanting to become a pastor, or for moving so far away. His resentment is fragile. He feels guilty for having a gay son, like he did something wrong in raising me. That’s a whole other ballpark.”</p><p>“I guess you’re right. I don’t understand,” Elijah smiled, “If you think the way you’re handling it is best, then by all means, go ahead. But … how long are you willing to wait for him to come around?”</p><p>Meanwhile, downstairs in Pastor Thomas’ office, Harry’s mom walked in, a plate with a freshly made BLT sandwich in her hands. Thomas looked up from his computer, a warm smile as she leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.</p><p>“Here you go, the bacon’s burnt <em>just</em> right,” she set the plate down in front of him. He nodded, “Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course,” she sat down in a chair in the far corner, crossing her legs, hesitant, but has clearly been ready for the upcoming conversation for a while, “So, Tom. I wanted to talk to you about something.”</p><p>“Is this about getting Anna a car? Because if so, I already told you that we don’t—”</p><p>“No, that’s not it,” she looked down, hushed, “I want to talk about Harry.”</p><p>The stoic man was silent for a moment. He leaned back in his executive chair, clasping his hands in front of him. With a sigh, he replied, blasé, “What about him?”</p><p>“Do you remember the night he was born?” she started, a smile creeping up on her lips, “He was so tiny,” she chuckled at the memory, “You had driven to Lucy’s house to drop Elijah off, since the hospital wouldn’t let him stay. You made it just in time for Harry to be born, and I’ll never forget the smile on your face, the way your eyes glistened with tears as you held him.”</p><p>“I remember,” Thomas relaxed his shoulders, “Of course I remember.”</p><p>“And do you remember when Harry was three and Elijah had accidentally pushed him down on the concrete outside, and he scuffed his knee? He cried so hard, he sounded like he had been shot, or something. But you still cradled him and had him walk it off like the big boy he was, and he went back to playing just as he had been before.”</p><p>“What are you getting at?”</p><p>“I wonder,” she stared at him, her eyes wet, “If you still look at him with that same adoration, despite everything that’s happened.”</p><p>Thomas scoffed, “Of course I do,” he was quiet, unsure of himself, “Of course.”</p><p>“Then why have you treated him so poorly these past few months?”</p><p>He thought about it before answering, “I haven’t treated him poorly—”</p><p>“But you have,” she raised her voice slightly, “You kicked him out of the choir—you did it knowing it would hurt him. You don’t talk to him anymore—”</p><p>“I wished him a happy birthday—”</p><p>“That was nearly a month ago!” she glared at him, “He doesn’t go to church anymore, he sits alone in his room most of the time, he doesn’t eat dinner with us because he can’t stand for you to hate him—”</p><p>“I don’t hate him—”</p><p>“Stop interrupting me!” she seethed, tears falling down her rosy cheeks, “Harry is gay, Thomas. This isn’t a new revelation. He has always been gay. I’ve known it since he was little, and I’m sure you did too, whether it was subconscious or not.”</p><p>She pursed her lips, glancing off to the side with wet eyes before glaring at her husband, “I asked him once, after we had spent a few hours searching through different universities for him to attend, if he would think about studying music in college since he loves to sing. Do you know what he said?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“He said, ‘No, I’m sticking with religious studies. I really enjoy it.’ And I knew it was a lie—he’s had a passion for music since before he could walk. Do you see what I’m getting at?”</p><p>The pastor remained silent.</p><p>“Harry has <em>always</em> vied for your approval. He made the decision to study theology because you wanted him to, not because he wanted to … he decided to stay at home while doing it because he knew how much it hurt you to see Elijah pack up and leave a minute after he turned 18,” she sat up in her chair, “It took him <em>years</em> to finally say anything about him being gay because he knew how you would react, he knew he would disappoint you and it killed him, he’s had an ongoing battle with God and you and his morals for so long because he was—<em>is</em> terrified of losing you.”</p><p>“He hasn’t lost me,” Thomas finally spoke up, resting on his elbows.</p><p>“But you just might lose him,” she stood from her chair, walking to the front of the desk, leaning against it with her hands pressing into the wood, “No one is asking you to become an ally and take him to Pride every year. <em>I </em>am asking you to talk to him. To hear his side of things.”</p><p>“I don’t need to hear his side of things,” he furrowed his eyebrows, “He made the choice to go against God’s word and commit sin. He made that conscious choice to deliberately disobey Him. The Bible clearly states—"</p><p>“Enough, Thomas,” she rubbed her temples, at her wit’s end, “Are you going to let this one miniscule thing about him change your entire relationship with him? Are you going to allow yourself to lose a son because you’re too stubborn to look past it? I’m not asking you to change your beliefs. I’m asking you to listen to and to love your son.”</p><p>“I do love my son!” Thomas bellowed, “I love Harry. I simply cannot fathom why he would deliberately go against God’s word.”</p><p>“Do you think he <em>wants</em> to disobey God?” she raised an eyebrow, incredulous, “Don’t you think it tears at his soul, knowing that he’ll be able to fit your expectations of him in all ways except one? It’s not a choice. He’s not ‘deliberately’ going against God or you. The only thing he is choosing to do is to be happy. That’s all I can ask of him. Isn’t that what you want for him?”</p><p>“Of course, I want him happy,” Thomas looked down at his hands, “But I want him to follow God’s word.”</p><p>“He’s doing both,” she frowned, “He can still do both.”</p><p>The two of them were silent, in their own thoughts for a moment. Thomas looked up at his wife, sighing deeply as he reached over and took one of her hands. She glanced at him, wiping silent tears from her face.</p><p>“I feel like I’ve failed as a father,” Thomas admitted.</p><p>“You haven’t failed.”</p><p>“I could’ve … I could’ve …”</p><p>“There isn’t anything you could’ve done to prevent Harry from loving whomever he chooses. It’s biological, the same way any human is attracted to another human,” she bent down, eye level, “Talk to him. Give him some assurance. Be there for him, because soon, he’s gonna leave us behind.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>
  <em>Dear Louis,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you. I will never not be able to tell you that, I will never be able to stop telling you that. You are the reason I wake up in the morning, you’re the one I think about when I go to bed at night and look up at the stars, knowing you’re beneath the same ones. I could survive off your touches alone, never to eat or drink again. It would be enough. You are enough.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My heart swells every time you look at me. I still get butterflies when you kiss my cheek, despite you doing so even before we started dating (how were we so blind?) Your love is the only thing I will ever truly wish for, a wish that comes true every day I see your face. Your face … I love the crinkles at the corner of your eyes, the light flush of freckles that dot your nose and cheekbones, your eyes that sparkle like sapphire while simultaneously rock like waves against a beach at night. I love your little tummy, the way it feels against my cheek when we lay together, love the warmth that radiates all over. I love your bluntness, how you’re quick to say the truth yet gentle when it comes to me, because you know I can be a bit sensitive (sorry). I love the way you smile, how your pretty pink lips feel against mine, how affectionate you are in private, how you take chances, you think of the consequences later, how easily you can cheer me up. I cherish every moment with you as if it were our last, as if tomorrow will never come. Every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have experienced so many firsts with you. My first play, my first solo, my first alcoholic drink, my first (enjoyable) kiss, my first time, my first love, my forever love, my constant, unyielding love for you, that light will never go out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What we have is special. It’s cliché but true. There is nothing more epic than our love story, nothing more unique than this. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, I cannot wait for the day we sign our marriage papers, when I proclaim my love and devotion to you before God, hopefully in a more eloquent manner than this. I’m with you always, whenever you need me, I will be there, always, forever, for infinity. I never feel like we’re running out of time; we’ve got the rest of eternity, good old-fashioned lover boy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>To breathe or to love?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Harry</em>
</p><p>Harry signed the note, fingers trembling as he folded it in three, slipping it into the off-white envelope.</p><p>. . .</p><p>The yellow fluorescent light flushed over the worn pages of Harry’s book, the room a dim glow as the sun set over the front lawn. He glanced at the view from the living room window, noting how the swirls of pink and orange and purple danced beyond the clouds, a hint of the moon subdued beyond the stars.</p><p>He breathed in, his eyes heavy with a lack of sleep. He heard rumbling upstairs, music blasting mutedly from Anna’s room as she sang poorly at the top of her lungs. He shook his head, chuckling to himself.</p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>He tensed, his neck aching as he turned in his seat, Thomas standing with his hands clasped behind his back. He had never seen him like this before; perturbed, unsure of what to say next.</p><p>“Hi, dad,” Harry could already feel the lump form in his throat.</p><p>“Can I sit?” he asked, polite, his eyes shining. Harry simply nodded in the direction of the armchair. Thomas took a seat, keeping his hands open on the tops of his thighs, before sliding down to his knees.</p><p>“What are you reading?”</p><p>“Nothing, nothing,” Harry shut the book, anxious, “What’s up?”</p><p>“I wanted to talk to you about some things,” he sat up in his chair, stretching his back. Sitting in an office chair all day doesn’t go nicely with already present back pain.</p><p>“Okay…” Harry threw his lip into his mouth, chewing on it.</p><p>“I … I love you, son,” Thomas started, the statement foreign on his tongue, “I hope you know that. I’m sorry if I haven’t been present these past couple of months. Busy, you know?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry saw through the excuse, the lie, “Busy.”</p><p>“I’ve been doing some of my own thinking, recently, and I wanted to talk to you about it,” when Harry didn’t reply, Thomas continued, “You … living a gay lifestyle, that will never be something I can fully accept. It is a sin, equal to any other sin, and I cannot find it in myself to be accepting in the way you may want me to be.”</p><p>“But I suppose I’m curious. I have a couple questions—well, your mother wrote down some questions for me to ask you, from some Internet site, so that I can understand your side of things better, because see, I realize I’ve been selfish during this time, I’ve been caught up in thinking about how I failed you when, really, this part of you has nothing to do with me, I guess.”</p><p>“You’ve never failed me,” Harry frowned, “You’re a great dad.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Thomas shrugged it off, pulling out a folded piece of paper in his pocket, “So, I have some questions…”</p><p>“Oh, you don’t have to,” Harry attempted to stop him, hands out in front of him, but Thomas, being the stubborn man he is, unfolded the paper, clearing his throat. Harry squirmed in his seat, uneasy.</p><p>“So … oh, this is definitely your mother’s own personal question,” Thomas held the paper taut in his hands, “Will we ever have grandchildren?”</p><p>Harry reddened, hands clammy, “Uh, yes? I think? I’d like to have kids, and even if I don’t, Anna and Elijah will.”</p><p>“Okay, yeah, right,” Thomas skimmed through the questions, furrowing his eyebrows and <em>God</em> Harry wanted to sink into the ground and stay there.</p><p>“When do you think you first knew you were … gay?”</p><p>Harry looked away, “Uh … I always kinda knew? I don’t really know exactly when I realized it. It was something I always knew about myself.”</p><p>“Oh, so … with you and Louis, then, did it start there?”</p><p>“I mean, I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking about him in any way when we were kids. My love—interest in him grew as we got older,” Harry had never wanted to leave a conversation more in his life.</p><p>“Ah,” Thomas’ eyes never left the paper, “Okay, um, are you sure this isn’t a phase?”</p><p>“Alright, that’s enough,” Harry stood abruptly, snatching the paper out of his hands roughly, crumpling it and throwing it to the side, “No more questions.”</p><p>“Harry—”</p><p>“I know you don’t want to ask these questions. I know you don’t care about that stuff. You said you want to hear my side of things, right?” Thomas nodded, “Then let me talk. Listen to what I have to say and take it however you’d like.”</p><p>“Fair,” his father pointed to the couch, “Go ahead.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Harry turned on his heel, plopping onto the couch, legs spread with his ankles crossed. He made himself comfortable, grabbing a pillow and placing it on his lap.</p><p>“So…”</p><p>“So,” Harry swallowed thickly, hating the awkwardness and tension surrounding them. He glanced away from Thomas, eyeing the mysterious specs seeped into the carpet, absolutely despising everything about this conversation, “I think what you need to hear most isn’t about my first crush or when I started dating Louis or how I came to figure out I was gay or any of that. I think what you need, and more importantly <em>want</em> to hear, is that I haven’t changed. At all. I don’t have the sudden urge to … I don’t know, throw myself into giant gay orgies and prance around with a rainbow boa,” Thomas’ eyes widened at that, yet Harry couldn’t bring himself to care, “Because I’ve never been like that. I want to continue going to church and immerse myself in my studies, I still believe in God, I still binge watch Disney movies every now and then, I still like syrup on my eggs,” Thomas laughed, Harry chuckled lightly, uncomfortable, “I just … the one thing that’s different is that I openly like men. I love Louis. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me. Loving him makes me a better person,” Harry became small, “All I ask is that you don’t toss me to the side. Please stop ignoring me. Please don’t treat me any different because I love Louis. Don’t treat him any differently because he loves me.”</p><p>Thomas was solemn as he stood from his chair, kneeling down in front of Harry, a hand on his knee, “I still love you, Harry, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t go against my core beliefs and accept you with open arms. But my love for you will never falter. I just … simply don’t agree with you.”</p><p>“I know that, and I’m not asking you to accept all of it,” Harry frowned, because perhaps, inside, that’s what he truly wanted. He looked up at his dad, “I just want to feel comfortable in my own home again.”</p><p>Thomas uncharacteristically wrapped his arms around his son, holding him, “I love you. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Harry didn’t respond. Instead, he let the thick tears roll down his blotched cheeks as he held onto his father’s warmth. Harry knew, deep down, Thomas would forever look at him in a different light, from a new, hypercritical perspective. This “talk” didn’t change anything. And although he said he wasn’t asking for Thomas to accept him, he still felt the heavy pain in his broken heart, wishing and hoping that he would support him, if only a little. Who’s to say Thomas wouldn’t go back to ignoring him? Who’s to say he wouldn’t change his mind and resent Harry for tainting his reputation as a good Christian man because he allows his gay son to live in his home? Irrationally, Harry’s mind wandered to worse things, until he settled on one coherent thought:</p><p>Would Harry ever be enough again.</p><p>. . .</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Harry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[10:40 PM] Goodnight</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[10:41 PM] goodnight sunshine &lt;3 going to bed a little late by ur standards, hmmm?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Harry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[10:41 PM] Rough night. Talked with my dad.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[10:42 PM] want me to call u?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Harry: </em>
  </strong>
  <em>[10:42 PM] Can you come over instead?</em>
</p><p>Harry curled into a fetal position on top of his comforter; eyes screwed shut as silent tears dripped down his face. He opened his eyes when a “ding!” sounded.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Louis:</em>
  </strong>
  <em> [10:43 PM] on my way :# </em>
</p><p>He must have dozed off after that, because it felt as though only a few minutes had passed when his bedroom door opened with a small creak, the sound of quiet footsteps against the carpet and a drop of keys and a phone onto his desk.</p><p>He whined softly when Louis whispered, “Angel?”</p><p>Louis frowned, kicking his shoes off, and dipped into the bed, pulling off his shirt and tossing it somewhere to the side. He flopped on top of Harry, wrapping him up in his arms. Harry rolled to the side, tucking his head into Louis’ neck, breathing in his (thankfully updated from Axe body spray) cologne.</p><p>“Hi,” Harry whispered, the two now face to face. Louis smiled, “Hi. Wanna tell me why you’re upset?”</p><p>Harry ducked his face back into Louis’ warmth, mumbling, “My dad finally talked to me and it was awful.”</p><p>“What’d he say?”</p><p>“He said he still loves me. but he can’t find in within himself to accept me, which I saw coming from a mile away, but it still hurts you know?” Harry looked back up at Louis, his eyes puffy.</p><p>Louis sighed, the feeling tender and painful, familiar, “I know.”</p><p>Harry whimpered, “I didn’t think it would hurt this bad, Lou.”</p><p>He let out a singular choked sob, an angry, soul-has-been-utterly-destroyed sob that had Louis holding him even tighter, wrapping a leg around his body, planting kisses on his hair.</p><p>He laid there, silently crying into Louis’ chest, his hands shaking as he controlled his breathing. Eventually, he sat up, removing his clothes until he was down to his boxers as Louis watched, resting on his elbow.</p><p>“Let’s get under the covers,” Harry suggested, “Tired of crying. Tired in general.”</p><p>“So…this wasn’t a booty call?” Louis joked as Harry bit his lip, suppressing a weak smile as he swats at Louis. Louis kicked his jeans onto the floor along with his socks, scooting up into the covers, leaving an open spot for Harry. He indulged him, tucking himself in as Louis laid on top of his stomach sky-diving style.</p><p>“He did say one good thing, though,” Harry muttered after a few minutes of breathing. Louis looked up, resting on his chin, “What?”</p><p>“He said I was welcome back at church, anytime, as are you,” Harry sped up with speech, “But don’t feel obligated to go cause I’m going.”</p><p>“Eh, I’ll go every now and then,” Louis shrugged, “I get to spend more time with you, that way.”</p><p>“I’m flattered,” Harry grinned, no more tears in his eyes, “Are you sure you have nothing else you could do on Sunday mornings?”</p><p>“I mean, yeah, I could smoke a fat blunt or sleep in, but I’d rather spend it with you,” Louis snickered as Harry rolled his eyes, “Again, flattered.”</p><p>“You could always smoke with me before sermon,” Louis offered. Harry immediately shut the idea down, “I don’t have your tolerance, like, at all. I’ve never even smoked. That would be a disaster.”</p><p>“Genny and I would be so entertained, though!” Louis added, laughing, “Watching you trying to stay focused, not laugh at everything, or even worse, panic about it.”</p><p>“That doesn’t sound fun in the slightest,” Harry grimaced.</p><p>“You should try it. One day, if you want,” Louis offered. Harry shook his head, “I’m okay, thanks.”</p><p>Louis moved up slightly, pressing a long, deep kiss onto Harry’s red lips. He sighed into the kiss, detaching their lips, “Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too,” Harry closed his eyes while Louis kissed both of his eyelids, then down to his cheeks and back at his lips.</p><p>They stayed that way for a while, kissing and panting breaths against each other’s mouths, hands traveling down ribcages, fingers pinching and pulling at waistbands. Louis moaned when Harry abruptly pushed Louis’ hips down to press against his groin, Louis bucking forward.</p><p>“Mm, missed you,” Harry hummed into his skin.</p><p>“It’s only been two days since I last saw you,” Louis teased, “Clingy much?”</p><p>“Very,” Harry stuck his tongue out, licking Louis’ parted lips, eyes closed, “Miss you all the time.”</p><p>They slotted their lips together once more, bitten red lips that swelled with every touch, noses brushing as they changed angles, Harry’s hands resting on Louis’ swiveling hips.</p><p>“Hey,” Harry broke the kiss, eyes dilated, “I have a question.”</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“How willing would you be to move in with me and my brother in Colorado?” Harry remembered Elijah had asked him to ask Louis about it, and honestly, he was a bit nervous about Louis’ reply.</p><p>“Sounds fun,” Louis answered immediately, no hesitation, “Never been, but it would be cool.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I mean, all our friends are here. The church is here—”</p><p>“Thank God cellphones exist,” Louis grinned, “And there’s more than one church in the world.”</p><p>“I know that,” Harry bit his lip, relieved at Louis’ willingness, “I’m just,” he swallowed, confessing, “I’m a little scared.”</p><p>“That’s okay, that’s normal,” Louis sat up, resting him ass on Harry’s thighs, Harry sitting up, “We’ll be doing it together, so it won’t be as daunting.”</p><p>“Doesn’t it worry you that we’ve also never lived together?” Harry blurted, fear rising to his throat.</p><p>“No? I’m not worried about that,” Louis sulked slightly, “Are…are you?”</p><p>“Is it wrong that I am? A little worried?” Harry whispered, afraid of Louis’ reaction.</p><p>“No…it’s not. But I’m confident about it. It won’t be too different from how it is now,” Louis puffed his chest, “I mean, think about it, we already see each other almost every day and stay at each other’s places all the time. Yeah, I’m sure one of us will get annoyed with the other and need some space but we’ll always,” Louis bounces once with his knees, “bounce back,” he winked.</p><p>Harry chuckled at the gesture, “If you’re not worried then I guess I shouldn’t be, huh?”</p><p>“Exactly,” Louis leaned down, Harry moving backwards as he did so until he was flat on his back, “Trust me. Trust this,” he wrapped his pinky around Harry’s, shaking their hands, “We’ve already made it through a fuck ton. This next chapter will be a breeze.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Louis stepped outside his truck on a Monday afternoon, stretching his arms high above his head. In one hand, a cigarette hung lazily from between his fingers. He took a drag, noticing a piece of paper on his windshield.</p><p>“Oh shit, a parking ticket?” Louis snatched the paper, which ended up being an envelope, from its secure place underneath one of the windshield wipers. He eyed the envelope curiously, noticing his name scrawled out in a quick fashion on the front. He recognized Harry’s handwriting.</p><p>With a small smile, he placed the cigarette in his mouth, using his fingers to open the letter.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Hamper, Texas was sluggish, lazy in the early hours of Sunday morning. Unlike other Sundays, church members entered the church with a saunter in their glides to sit down in the antique wooden benches that lined the sermon hall. Mothers scolded their rambunctious children, teens played loud videos on their phones, showing each other funny memes or other miscellaneous fads and trends that had the Internet obsessed these days.</p><p>The sun was bright, no swirls of white present in the sage sky. Louis pulled into the parking lot with ease, dodging elders who walked too slow for his comfort, debating on whether he should start chaos by honking now or waiting until he walked inside with Harry, hand in hand.</p><p>Harry shook his head, his curls flying and his smile cheeky as he witnessed Louis’ silent debate. He shut the truck off, sliding his keys into his pocket and exiting the vehicle. Harry followed suit.</p><p>Several groups of people passed the two, most of them doing double-takes at the sight of the two outcasts arriving, on a random Sunday of all things, not even a holiday, “The nerve,” someone muttered, but Harry chose to ignore it, chose to embrace the warm sun, despite the month being March and that it <em>should</em> be cold but alas, this is Texas. East Texas, to be more specific, where each week hosted three different seasons, sometimes in one day.</p><p>Genesis had been walking in with her parents, until she noticed the two and ran over, a bounce in her steps.</p><p>“My boys!” Genny held them both, an arm wrapped around each neck. Harry smiled, “Hi Genny.”</p><p>“How’re y’all feeling?” Genny asked, her tone polite, hazel eyes warm.</p><p>“I’m fine. Just can’t wait to see my dad’s face when he realizes I am still a menace in his life,” Louis grinned wickedly, rolling on his feet, hands clasped behind his back as Genesis turned to Harry, a toothy grin on her face at Louis’ remarks, “What about you, sunshine?”</p><p>“Excuse me, that’s my nickname for him—”</p><p>“Bit nervous, but I’ll be fine,” Harry glanced over at the side doors where people were piling in one by one, “I’m glad to be back.”</p><p>“I’m glad you’re here,” Genesis embraced him again, lingering her hands to rub on Harry’s back, “It’s been so boring without Louis’ rude comments he thinks no one can hear but definitely can.”</p><p>Louis mock-gasped, “What?! Those were sacred!”</p><p>Harry deadpanned, “Even when I would sit with the choir, I could hear them, Lou.”</p><p>“That’s because you have supernatural hearing, which is <em>so</em> unfair because you’re already stunning,” Louis <em>booped</em> Harry’s nose before literally skipping off, blissfully ignoring the snide remarks of other members, pushing his way into the tiny entrance with a, “Shove it, granny.” Harry was left a blushing mess, biting his lip.</p><p>“It’s incredible how you still get flustered when he compliments you,” Genny poked Harry’s cheek, “Incredible.”</p><p>“It’s not <em>incredible</em>—I’m not <em>flustered</em>—” Harry was cut off by the harmonious chants of the chorus, indicating the sermon was starting. He’d never been this late to church before.</p><p>Genny and Harry walked in together, respectfully passing through those who were anxious to get to their seats. If people were gossiping about his presence, he didn’t hear it (or rather, Genny gave them a startling death glare to get them to stop talking).</p><p>“The gossip about you two has been unbearable these past couple of months,” Genny sighed, exasperated, “I almost socked a bitch the other day for saying something.”</p><p>“I thought you stopped fighting after your mom took away your laptop from that one time in 10<sup>th</sup> grade,” Harry raised an eyebrow. Genny shrugged, “I have. But the Lord is testing me, H.”</p><p>Harry found Louis in the far back, taking up half of the bench with his legs as he nonchalantly snacked on a chocolate donut. A pair of mysterious black sunglasses sat on the bridge of his nose, a smirk on his face. Harry approached him with Genny following behind, tapping Louis’ knee to get him to move.</p><p>“Find your own seat—!” Louis screeched when Genny forcefully shoved his legs down to the ground, taking a seat with pride. A small space was left for Harry, who sat down unconcerned, catching a glance at Louis’ donut, “Were there any sprinkles?”</p><p>“Nope,” Louis popped the “p”, accidentally spitting a tiny piece of food on Harry’s face. Harry grimaced, wiping at his cheek, “Ew, gross. But seriously? How do those run out so fast?”</p><p>“It’s all the kids, those greedy fuckers,” Genny shook her head, mock-upset, “Adults should get first dibs.”</p><p>Harry realized she was making fun of him, hitting her in the arm, laughing, “The sprinkled ones are the best.”</p><p>“We are <em>not</em> having that conversation again,” Louis sat up, pointing an accusing finger at a cheeky Harry, “I won’t allow it.”</p><p>The choir died down, conversations turning into hushed murmurs as Pastor Thomas made his way to the altar. Louis swallowed the rest of his donut down, complaining, “I should have gotten some water.”</p><p>“Hush, you big baby,” Genny poked Louis’ cheek from across Harry’s lap.</p><p>Pastor Thomas had the choir sit down, scanning the audience. His wondering eyes landed on Harry and Louis, Louis removing the stolen sunglasses with a wink, the pastor blinking rapidly from the surprise of their attendance before clearing his throat, resting his thick Bible on the stand, “Good morning, everyone. I hope this past week has treated you well.”</p><p>Harry had never sat so far in the back before. It was interesting to see how different the stage looked from the distance; how foreign it felt. It’s like he didn’t belong anymore.</p><p>Thomas started his sermon with a prayer, “Let us pray.”</p><p>Harry ducked his head down, eyes closed, fingers intertwined as Louis turned on his side, throwing his legs over Harry’s thighs. Genny scoffed at the sight.</p><p>“Thank you God for your blessings, for your Grace and kindness you bestow upon us. We thank you for keeping our loved ones safe, for allowing us to bask in your glory. Today, we ask you for good health, for a good week, and for a good service. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”</p><p>“Amen,” Harry repeated, opening his eyes to an unamused Louis, “That was a bit dramatic.”</p><p>“Shh,” Harry frowned, looking back toward the stage.</p><p>“Today, I would like to discuss what the Bible tells us about homosexuality, as has been requested,” Thomas announced, murmurs echoing off the walls, some people turning their heads to look at the two boys. Louis huffed while flipping a crinkly old woman in a pink sunhat off, throwing his legs down to the ground as Harry breathed in deeply, preparing himself mentally for the sermon ahead. Thomas’ eyes were on Harry.</p><p>“There are seven verses in the Bible that claim homosexuality is a punishable sin. If you open the Bibles in front of you to 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, it is stated that ‘the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God,’ which goes on to list those who practice homosexuality. It is in God’s judgement that He perceives those that…”</p><p>Harry had stopped listening at that point. All his attention was on Louis’ relaxed face, his cheekbones glimmering in the heavenly sunlight that struck his features just right, naturally contouring his face. Louis looked at him, feeling his stare, and quipped a smile.</p><p>“What are you staring at?”</p><p>“You,” Harry bit his lip, and that was when he realized something.</p><p>Hamper, Texas was a backwards town; it would always be that way. With its roots deep in religion and tradition, with stubborn elders and terribly obedient children, Hamper wouldn’t change anytime soon. It didn’t mean that Harry had to go along with it. He could still be in God’s favor while simultaneously loving Louis. He could have it all.</p><p>Louis is everything to Harry, as he is to Louis. He is the wind the blows amongst the oak trees, the warm glow of the sun, the bloom of wildflowers in the meadow, the sprinkles on his donut, his good old-fashioned lover boy. Louis’ kiss sharpens his senses, his touch a cool glass of lemonade, his smile is addictive like the Marlboro cigarettes Louis smokes, his everlasting love is Harry’s lifeline. Harry would do anything to keep it this way; it’s why he’s taken the leap to pack his things into cheap cardboard boxes, ready to take a jump and leave for Colorado in the next month. He’s more than ready to live his life without caring about what the people he’s grown up with his entire life think of him, think of Louis. He is tired of trying to please his father, knowing he has yet to and will, quite possibly, never meet his expectations.</p><p>Harry locked eyes with Louis, catching his hand, squeezing. Louis sticks his pinky out, wrapping it around Harry’s. He smiles, cheeks red and blue eyes bursting with a sense of optimism. Harry parts his lips, inhaling.</p><p>Exhaling.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>REACH ME AT:<br/>twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/dehydratedpool">dehydratedpool</a> (updates on my fics, behind the scenes, etc.) &amp; <a href="https://twitter.com/TONGUETIED91">TONGUETIED91</a><br/>tumblr: <a href="https://dehydratedpoolfics.tumblr.com">dehydratedpoolfics</a><br/>Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or comments about anything !!</p><p>--zri</p><p>If you believe you are a victim of abuse, I IMPLORE you to reach out, to find someone you trust and receive the help you need. Here is a <a href="https://furiousgoldfish.tumblr.com/post/187352852540/recognizing-abuse-masterlist-signs-that-youre">masterlist</a> from Tumblr to help you recognize signs of abuse and a lot more helpful things related to abuse.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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